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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

And how was YOUR day?

It's hot outside. It's humid.

You ever heard that saying, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl"?

It doesn't apply to me.

I sweat. My hair gets wet. Am I proud of it? No. Just stating the facts.

I'm grumpy when the humidity is up. The higher the humidity, the higher my grump factor.

My semi-annual doctor's visit was this morning. She thinks my persistent cough is due to post nasal drip from allergies. (Thanks for sharing. You're welcome!) My voice is still rough around the edges, and if I talk a lot, it wears out. So my voice isn't as strong or loud as it usually is. Jim can't hear what I'm saying. I have to repeat most everything I say. It's a catch-22. This makes me grumpy.

Last week I went for lab work to be done in advance of the doctor's visit. I thought it odd that a) I didn't have to pee in a cup (although inside I was doing a happy dance) and b) that they only took one vial of blood.

Fast forward to today - The doctor is looking at the lab results and sees only one test was done. Huh?

Long story short, there was some misunderstanding, so I needed to have more blood work drawn. Yippee! Oh, and yeah, pee in a cup.

After my visit I went directly downstairs to the lab. The nurse called me back and asked, "Do you mind if a student takes your blood today?"

I must have mastered the "Pami" look. Because even though I hemmed and hawed like "Pat" would, saying, "Uh, well," the nurse took one look at my face and said, "Never mind," rather briskly,then "come right this way!"

"Pami" is my twin sister, and she has this murderous look that when she gives it means, "Back the F**k off, are you F**king kidding me?, and go F**k yourself" all rolled into one. I've seen grown men cry when she's looked at them like that. Seriously.

Back to my veins. If they were easy to find, then it would have been no big deal for this "student" to take my blood. But since my veins like to hide like you're on a flipping treasure hunt looking for them, I didn't want to volunteer to be a pin cushion for this student's summer project.

Was I wrong?

But she got back at me. She handed me THE CUP. You know the one.

The one I have to pee into. It's like asking an elephant to pee in a thimble. For those of you who don't remember my last experience, click here.

I won't go into details here. Let's just say it was messy and it wasn't pretty. But I'm getting better at hitting the target.

Next stop - Bed, Bath and Beyond.

I was specifically looking for this. Do you know what it is?



It's a silicone steamer.

Here's what my old one looks like.



The problem with the old one is that the middle doohickey thingy keeps falling off, and the metal is hot, hot, hot to touch. The silicone steamer is flexible and doesn't fall apart, plus I touched it with my bare hands after steaming a tamale and didn't burn my fingerprints off. This is good news, unless you are thinking about robbing a bank and you WANT to burn your fingerprints off. Then I say, stay with the metal steamer.

Anyway, back to my grumpiness. Pay attention.

I went to pay for my goodies and noticed a long line and, of course, only one cashier working.

This pissed me off.

Then I watched as a young man walked to another register and started doing something there. The woman in front of me walked over to him, said a few words, then came back to me and said incredulously,"Can you believe he is open and didn't even tell any of us to go into his line?" In the meantime, new people, who had NOT been waiting for ANY amount of time, went into his line.

This pissed me off more.

I pushed my cart over to his line. Then a third cashier came out. So the long line of people waiting dissipated quickly.

I, of course, picked a line where the lady needed a price check or something so I stood there, trying to stay calm.

All of a sudden, the cashier who's line I INITIALLY was standing in came over and said to the lady BEHIND ME, "Why don't you come over to my line and I can help you?"

SAY WHAT????

EXCUSE ME????

And you know what I did.

I gave him the "PAMI" look.

He actually jumped back a little.

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I, I didn't see you standing there." (I think he wet his pants at this point.) "YOU come to my line and I'll take care of YOU." He turned to the lady behind me and said, "I'm sorry, you can come too!"

Damn! I must have that look down-pat! Or should I say "down-pam"! I've not seen myself in a mirror making the "Pami" look, but I have a feeling it looks a little like this, only meaner:



image courtesy of nightscribe.com

We left BB&B and still had to do some grocery shopping. My energy level was slipping fast, but I schlepped into the store to pick up some items.

A lot of the produce sucked.

Snarl.

We made our way to the meat department. It was a freezer over there. I can't imagine their electric bill! The two long refrigerated sections of meat, cheese and deli were almost unbearable to walk through - it was like being in the Arctic!

Growl.

I did find an interesting/odd thing. Look at this. Already cooked bacon that you just heat up in the microwave.



I mean, seriously, can you get any lazier than that? How long does it take to fry up bacon? This was quite costly, too. About $8.00/pound.

Finally we were done gathering our items of choice and got in line to check out. That moved quickly enough. The only hold up was the dumb blond who was paying the bill (read - me). I had to slide my debit card about 5 times to get it right. Then it flashed me a message about cash back, I pushed "no", something else happened, maybe asking if I'd give my first born up, I don't know. Anyway, the cashier said to me, "Hmmm, I've NEVER seen this error message before!"

Figures!

We had to go back to square one. I STILL had to swipe my card twice for it to work.

I limped out of the store (by this time my toe was hurting me), and the heat hit me in the face like a hot towel.

Moral of the story: Don't EVER leave your house in 90 degree weather. EVER.

Or you'll just be grumpy for the rest of the day.

Now leave me some comments and make me happy again.

23 comments:

Gail said...

Even when you are cranky, you are funny!

It was a day for doctors, I had a visit...it wasn't funny like yours.

Look on the bright side, your AC could be broken.

Thanks for the laugh! I needed a good one and as usual you came through for me.

Eva Gallant said...

I confess. I buy that precooked bacon from Schwans. I can cook just 2 slices in the microwave to have with breakfast or in a blt. the rest stays in the freezer til I need it.
You're right. don't go out of the house in 90 degree heat!

Ed said...

Mmmmmmm......bacon.

Sunny said...

I've got to stop reading your posts late at night, I keep waking my husband up with my laughing!
There are many things I can relate to, maybe that's why I find your writing so funny!
I have one of those old steamers, and I hate it! I'll have to stop at BB&B and get updated.
Thanks for all the giggles.
☼ Sunny

Valerie said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again...you are so funny. I swear I share some of your experiences, Pat. I was hoping you'd found the answer to hidden veins but apparently you didn't. As for the supermarket queues, well, you said it all.....

Ruth said...

Me on the other hand, I wake my husband up laughing in the early morning hours. (I get up at 4:30, and I like it.)

Have you considered stand-up?

A New England Life said...

My gosh girl, you were having a rough day! Bitch, moan, and complain the whole way! lol! I hope it got better after you ate lunch : )

I hear you on the cough and post nasal drip. Both my husband and I have been going through it for a while now. It was driving me crazy! Last week I finally got on an antibiotic and it did help enormously. She also gave me a prescription for some gel pills to calm my cough and I highly recommend them! They're called Benzonatate 100 mg. I'd never taken pills for cough before but they really do help!

Keep cool!

Bonnie said...

Look Pat - I want you to stop using my life as grist for your blog! Those things only happen to me ... or so I thought. :-)

You've captured with such humour the frustrations we all experience!

Hope you get your literal voice back soon - your written one is still in GREAT form!

Brian Miller said...

smiles. yeah, it was all the heat that did it...thanks for the chuckles this morning pat...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Supposed to be 100 here today and I anticipate wetness on my self! I am going out early to mow, then take a dip in the pool, then a shower, then I will be in the store all day where I will try to remain cool, calm, and collected.

A small group of my less than favorite seasonals were overheard discussing my "rules" and seems thay were referring to me as "the Nazi Bitch". I have decided to fully embrace my new moniker and be all that I can be. Especially when they violate any of my rules. This particular trio of campers like to party into the wee hours of the morning and disturb their neighbors ........ the Nazi Bitch will no longer dispatch he who just wants everyone to get along........ I will be calling upon the local constabulary to remove the offenders. Yes, I am giddy with the power of my new title!!

Steven Anthony said...

I hate the heat....turns me into such a bitch..can guys be bitches? mmmm anyway heat and I arent good friends ;)

吳怡君吳怡君 said...

Lets cross the bridge when we come to it............................................................

Missy said...

I ALWAYS end up with a student taking blood, checking something... I hate to say no because I know they must learn somehow, but does it always have to be me?
You are just too funny, even when you are pissed!

becky said...

Pat, sorry for your grumpy day. If it makes you feel any better... I was grumpy, too. Full time work & PMS don't mix! AND I had to pee in a cup yesterday. (every time i start a new job, i have to do a drug screen.) Not only that, I had to get up an hour early (losing precious sleep) so I could get there right when they opened, AND, they made me wait AN HOUR to pee in the damn cup, so I was almost late for work! ( I can't tell you how badly I wanted to go into the back room, pee in the cup & just leave it at the front desk!)
Feeling better yet?
:) :) :)

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

thanks for making my day seem like a walk in the park! i can always count on you to put a smile on my face, even when i'm feeling sorry for you.

i hope tomorrow is better.

Mama Zen said...

I have got to master the "Pami!"

artist60164 said...

OMG I was laughing so hard I had to go in and tell your brother to read your blog. I love the Pami face.

jeanne

Nezzy said...

Ya'll certainly crack me up for bein' a grouchy girl! How hot ya ask? Well down in this holler this afternoon it's 96 and 100% humidity.
Whew, time for tea!

Ya'll have a terrifically blessed day and smile sister, ya sure put one on my mug!

Wendy said...

I know i'm late reading your post, but i just gotta comment:
One lady's blog i read made a post the other week. Her sister calls bacon...
Meat Candy!
Yum!
=-)

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

I hate the heat too! My face gets all wet especially my neck.
And what can I say about humidity? Hate it! Well, I'm a curly-haired gal.
B xx

SquirrelQueen said...

I would have had the same reaction with the student and a blood draw, even the experienced once have trouble finding a vein in my arm.

I like that steamer, the metal ones are a pain. After reading your post I have decided not to leave the house for the rest of the week.....

Doing fine over this way, I had house guest last week and got way behind on comments.

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

Pat, that was so funny! Not while it was happening, I'm sure ;)
I'm with you. Here in the Boston area it's been mostly hot and humid for 6 weeks. Yeah, I know it's summer and most people just LOVE this weather but not me. I drip and sweat with the slightest move.I hate the heat and I hate the humidity more.
air conditioning is God sent.

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

Pat, that was so funny! Not while it was happening, I'm sure ;)
I'm with you. Here in the Boston area it's been mostly hot and humid for 6 weeks. Yeah, I know it's summer and most people just LOVE this weather but not me. I drip and sweat with the slightest move.I hate the heat and I hate the humidity more.
air conditioning is God sent.