Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Crooked Toesies

Did you ever wonder why our toes don't have names like our fingers?


C'mon. Am I the only one losing sleep over this?

Actually, the "Big" toe is the only one that is officially called the "hallux". Which sounds close to "holler" which is what you do when you stub that big boy! I guess by not naming the rest of the toes, the medical profession figured they could just go jump in the lake.

Here are some suggestions that you could use:


Big Toe - "the one who went to market", "who shops till he/she drops", a.k.a. "Big Hall"

the next toe - If yours is taller than your big toe (medical term "Morton's syndrome")- you can go with "Too Tall Jones", OR "the one who stayed home" a.k.a. "stick-in-the-mud"

the third toe - middle one - the "F-U" toe of the foot - "the one who ate roast beef", a.k.a. "carny"

the fourth toe - "pinkie's BFF" or "the one who had none", a.k.a. "the pauper"

and last, but not least, well wait, in this case it IS the least,

the fifth toe - "pinkie", the one who couldn't hold it and went wee-wee-wee all the way home, a.k.a. "depends", a.k.a. "stubby" for two reasons a) because he/she is, well, for lack of a better word, stubby, and b) it's usually the toe that gets stubbed.

You may wonder where this post is going.

Frankly, so am I.

My toesies are a thing of wonder to me.

Why you ask?

Well, for one thing, you don't realize how much you use your toes till you break one. I have broken my pinkie/depends/stubby three times over the years. (I've discussed this in previous posts.) I won't bore you with the details, but two of the times were when I was going through momentous occasions, like graduating from junior college and giving birth the following morning. (Boy would a therapist have fun with THAT little detail!)

Anytoe, just standing in the shower, do you know that your toes actually GRIP the floor?

I KNOW! I didn't either. But when you have a broken toe? It becomes pretty obvious.

I've been having problems with "Big Hall" for a year now, and I KNOW I need to see a specialist, but have been putting that off.

But the REAL reason for this post, and there is one, believe me, is to share with you the story of crooked toesies.

You see, "pinkie's BFF", a.k.a. "pauper" on my left foot is crooked. The tip of the toe turns in to the right. It is genetic.

You know when your babies are born, how the first thing you look at (after their adorable faces, of course), are their fingers and toes?

Well, that's what I did. And imagine how happy I was to see that same crooked little second toe on the left foot! Yep! No doubt about it! That baby was mine!

Both my son AND my daughter have the crooked toe.

And now my granddaughter, Lily, too, has the crooked toe!

The legacy lives on!

When we were visiting my daughter recently, I wanted to paint Lily's toe nails. It was her first time.

So here's Grandmama painting Lily's toesies while Mommy holds her chubby little foot still. Grandpa took the picture.

Then we tried Mommy polishing Lily's toesies while Grandma snapped the photo.

Now here's Jessica painting my nails.

What you don't see and hear (Thank GOD) is me laughing hysterically with the tears running down my face. You see, I am really, REALLY ticklish. It is really difficult to get that toe separator doohickey between my toes. I squeal, cry, and laugh all at the same time, while trying to hold in my pee. It is quite a sight to see.

Here I am painting my daughter's toenails.

Now. I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Look at how OLD her hands look!"

I know.

My daughter took this picture. The camera zoomed in and focused on MY HANDS instead of HER TOES. So you see every wrinkle, vein and dry skin patch as if it were under a microscope.

Thanks for that, Jess.

And now, drum roll please!

The finished product(s). Notice the three crooked toes! Enlarge to see all those pretty toesies, crooked and straight!

Kisses all around!

Lily's little feet are just the cutest! She often sits with her ankles crossed.

I just love to kiss her feet. There's nothing like the smoothness of baby's feet. Lily loves when we play "stinky pinkies" and Grandma sniffs her toesies and makes a BIG DEAL about the smell! She will move her leg over and point her toe right up to my nose if I'm not quick enough to sniff!

Well, it's time for this little piggy to go WEE, WEE, WEE, all the way home!


Brian Miller said...

seriously, i cant have people touching my toes...cant handle it...cant really handle shoes all that well...sandals are the best...and i broke a toe about a month ago...arrggh....glad my fam was out of town...terrible language ensued.....

Missy said...

I had never thought about the toes before... Love the pedi's!

Bonnie said...

I have broken so many toes that family just walks away shaking their heads when it happens now. I'm the only one who runs around in bare feet!

This was a sweet post, Pat. What is sweeter than babies' feet? Adults' feet ... mmmmm ... not so much. I could never be a pedicurist!

Nancy said...

We have a rather large Big Hall in our family that has been passed down through generations. Happy to note my grandson also has a honker of a big toe. All the better to keep us balanced, I always say.

Anyway, how cute is that granddaughter! Now I want one to so I can paint her tiny little toes!

You hands look fine.

f8hasit said...

I LOVE this! And what great pictures to accompany the story!

I tease Boo becuase she has flintstone feet. The look like a bigger version of Lily's! We play 'that smell can't be coming from your foot..."

Oh. It's a blast.

Cheeseboy said...

Oh, that is too funny. I think I've sprained my Carney.

Pat said...

I just wanted to clarify one thing. When I said I broke my toe after some momentous occasions, it sounded like I graduated from junior college and gave birth THE VERY NEXT DAY. Sorry to mislead you. I broke my toe the night before I graduated AND I broke my toe the night before I gave birth. It was 17 years apart!

Bossy Betty said...

This whole name thing is going to keep me up all night....

Love those pictures! They made me smile!

Andrea said...

LOL toes are funny!

Eva Gallant said...

Lily is a total cutie pie, but there's far too much footwork on this post....I'm confused! lol

Gail said...

I was NOT thinking of old hands but admiring your rings!

Like minds, I tell you. I have been working on my ODE To Second Toe and have not finished it for lack of a proper name. It seems such an insult to call it only second toe since it is the one always getting hurt.

Now I have seen a three generation toe party...and it was beautiful.

Steven Anthony said...

did you write all about feet just for me??? lol....luv it ;)

Valerie said...

I've never thought much about toes, or should I say pinkies, but I guess from now on I shall be obsessed with them...

Ruth said...

I love everything in this post. Everything. The way your grandbaby holds her feet/toes is precious. Well it's all precious.

OK, I have the longer second toe. Sometimes it kind of freaks me out. Sometimes I kind of like it. I think it is very interesting comparing people's feet.

I loved kissing my babies' feet too. Can't wait for grandbaby toes.

Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG! I just about freakin' lose it too when I'm getting a pedicure! LoL

WhisperingWriter said...

I'm really ticklish too so pedicures always make me giggle.

otin said...

I am totally with brian!! I despise someone touching my toes!!

Not only is the toe next to my big toe longer than my big toe, but the next toe over is longer than my big toe, also!

misslynda said...

My same toe does that - - with the same curve. Does that mean we are related? Yes, we are "Blogging Sisters!"

Sunny said...

You're the only person that could write about toes and make me laugh!
I inherited horrible toes, they should not be seen in public!
I love the group tootsies picture.
☼ Sunny

Wendy said...

Hilarious Pat!!!

OMG, maybe *we* are related, 'cause MY toe next to my pinkie is crooked like that too!!!
Wouldn't *that* be a hoot!

Donna B said...

I THINK I AM YOUR SISTER! I HAVE A CROOKED PAUPER TOO! Smelling the stinky feet has always been a favorite past time in our family...When my brothers were teens, they loved to sneak up to my napping Dad and place one of their "can stand on it's own" smelly gym socks over Dad's nose. They would run like the wind when Dad suddenly woke up and smelled the stench!

SquirrelQueen said...

When I started reading your post I had on socks and tennis shoes. I had to take them off to check my toes, I really need a pedicure!

Love the shots of all the toes but Lily's are the cutest.

litanyofbritt said...

Painted baby feet are the cutest ever!