Monday, November 2, 2009

Hon, where is the....?

My husband can't seem to find anything, even if it's right in front of his face. The other day he was looking for the fingernail clippers. I heard him digging around in the medicine cabinet for a few minutes. "Hon, where are the fingernail clippers? I can't find them."

"They're on that little tray, bottom shelf, left side," I tell him, almost by rote.

"No, they're not. YOU must have moved them," he said, stubbornly.

But of course. It MUST be my fault that he can't find them.

"NO," I said, a little more emphatically, "they are THERE. Look AGAIN."

He did a little more digging, and then I heard, "OH! HERE they are!"

I sat at the kitchen table, smiling smugly. You see, I'm so used to this. Living in a trailer, you have a place for everything, and put everything in it's place. We have been living like this for 4 1/2 years now. You'd think it would start to sink in. But, it really isn't that. It's that my husband can't find anything that's RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

How often does he open the refrigerator and say, "We are out of mayonnaise."

"No, we're not," I reply.

"I don't see it."

With a big eye roll, I'll get up, go to the refrigerator, reach in, and hand him the mayo. Granted, sometimes I might have to MOVE SOME BOTTLES AROUND, but, hello? Is that so hard?

A woman I know believes that men can't find things because they don't have a uterus. She believes the uterus is some sort of "tracking" device and can find anything. I really think she's on to something here. Even if you get a hysterectomy, there must be some traces left inside, because a woman can still find things.

Maybe it's because men don't take in details as well as women. Okay, maybe I shouldn't generalize here. Most men I know don't take in details. Like when I say to Jim, "Look at this mess in here!" He looks back at me with glazed over eyes and says, "Huh?"

He could STEP OVER a pile of stuff and not think anything of it.

My mom told me once that if you wanted to see how good of a bride your future daughter-in-law would make, lay a broom across the doorway.

If she stepped over it and walked into the house; she's hopeless as a housekeeper. If she picked it up before entering, TA-DA!! She's a KEEPER! In my case, Jim wouldn't even NOTICE the broom unless he TRIPPED on it! My mother-in-law never gave me the test, but I'm sure I would have picked it up. My mom told me that even when I was a toddler, I used to notice if she washed a throw rug and put it down differently. I would go over to the rug, pick it up, and rearrange it to the way it was before. I know - I have some "issues"! Do you all feel sorry for Jim? DON'T!

Jim has come to rely on his stupid GPS so much, that he even puts in the addresses of places THAT WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or what. And we ALL know that the GPS HAD to be invented by a man - we know how men hated to stop and ask for directions. Or at least Jim did!

He traveled a lot with his first job with the government. He was on the road constantly. I'm sure he only ate at restaurants with signs like these .....

....because that's all he could find. This was before the GPS was invented!


Valerie said...

Pat, I don't live in a trailer but it's the same here in my house. Hubs never knows where anything is even though he might get the damn things out every day. It's a man thing. Men need to be told. Someone told me it stems from the mother-son relationship. Whatever ... it's very frustrating. I had to laugh at your post though, it was all so familiar!

Betty said...

I so much love your sense of humour.
I'm with Valerie,..Men need to be told.
Have a great week!

Rae said...

They all come from the same mold. It doesn't change regardless of age either. Very funny post.

Carol said...

If it were a rattler it would bite em! And, then they might ask, WHATTTT?????

You have great graphics, where DO you find them??

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That sounds so familiar....

Sunny said...

My husband carries this one step further, he asks me where he put HIS stuff. "Honey, do you know what I did with my hammer?"
Sunny :)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

My dad must be the exception that proves the rule! Everything is organized by size and then by category and then in alphabetical order. He knows where EVERYTHING is! Even in the freezer for heaven sakes!

A New England Life said...

Ha haa! Pat, you crack me up!

I have to say, you would like my husband. He's Mr. Organization, and Mr. Clean. I constantly feel guilty because he's doing things I feel like I should be doing. His mom raised him that way though. His dad is the same way.

However, that damn GPS is annoying as hell! We were going someplace last week and it was the same thing, he knew how to get there yet we had to listen to the GPS tell us! Then when we get there he starts using it to walk around town. I haven't told him how much it irritates me because I don't want to hurt his feelings but I sure hope he doesn't buy me one for Christmas.

Tamis said...

I regularly tell my husband, "if it had teeth it would bite you".

Boy, those times I cannot find something and he helps me find it, they make his day! They don't happen often though.

Missy said...

I am telling you, men think your uterus is a tracking device!

Gail said...

Instead of telling you all the things I loved about this, I shall say there was nothing I did not love.

I think it is a man thing. My hubby called me at work to find his insurance card, in your billfold, not, look again. You would think they could manage a thing as small as their own billfold! I do not touch his billfold but he had to ask me.

The second call was where are the fence ties? Now it has been last summer since I picked up the fence ties where he left them and put them away. I had to think where would I put them, told him and glory be, they were right where I said they were.

Amazing, love your humor.

Brian Miller said...

ok, i guess i will speak up for the men and say...its really not our fault, its a genetic abnormality among males, it has to do with the eyes and if i could find my medical journal i would reference it...honey where's my...

SquirrelQueen said...

Maybe it the testosterone that causes temporary blindness when searching for something. My hubby will ask where 'it' is, I tell him its on his desk. No, he says, its not there. I walk to the desk, pick 'it' up and ask him if this is the one he's looking for. Well, he says, it wasn't there a minute ago.

Anonymous said...

One day I want to eat at one of those EAT places. Srsly. I'll take some Tums first.

wenn said...

that's cute..

blueviolet said...

I love how you write. My husband does the same thing except he asks me before he even attempts to look. It's frustrating.

I also have a place for everything and he knows it. He doesn't put it back in its place but yet expects it to be there the next time he needs it.

Ironically, I would have stepped over the broom.

Nancy said...

Loved this post. I agree with the uterus thing. My husband is so smart but so clueless. And what is with the GPS addiction? My husband uses it for places he could drive with his eye's closed. I think he likes to track the truck in a virtual way. ??