Sunday, January 17, 2010

Why I don't like walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend
an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we
don't know where the hell he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year ...
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
.....'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......
...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

.... and

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.



Sunny said...

Thanks for a good laugh.
I didn't want to be a failure so I didn't make any New Year's resolutions! Ha-ha!

Deb said...

those are too funny...had to share with my family....we all laughed

Ruth said...

Ha! Did you make those up??? They're brilliant.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Great thoughts....I think....

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

I really enjoyed these. They read like a poem - in fact, I thought it was a poem to start with. 'I wash my mouth out with chocolate' is fantastic.

Noelle said...

HA! those are absolutely hilarious! thanks for sharing!

Missy said...

LOL! That is too funny!

otin said...

Are you a standup comic?? You should be! I am still laughing about the 97 year old Grandpa!

Prizler Photography said...

OMG, where do you get this stuff?!!!

SquirrelQueen said...

Awesome, if laughing is exercise I just got mine for today. How do you come up with these?

Gail said...

Did a bell go off and say send some laughs to Gail?

I love them!!! Thanks

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha, love these!

Anonymous said...
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Kathy's Klothesline said...

I had some witty retort until I saw the last comment and I think I will just repeat what he/she said.

Brian Miller said...

lol. i like long walks in the woods...thats about as close as i get to exercise...figure i burn enough calories trying to raise 2 boys. smiles.

Nancy said...

I actually did the one about $400 and gym memberships last year.

I didn't make any real resolutions - I've given up on those. I seem to have a contrary personality - if I say I'm going to do something, the obnoxious side comes out and says "no way!" I must have been a lovely child to contend with...

Thanks for the laugh!

Wanda said...

No resolutions made...except to come back here again! Funny post!!!

Carletta said...

I'm sending this link to one of my friends. She'll laugh and love it like I did.

KaLynn said...

love it love it love it!!!

Betty said...

Thanks for the good laugh, Pat!