Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I exercise - I run my mouth, push my luck, and jump to conclusions!

I used to love to walk until my back, hips, knees, and feet had a say in the matter. Now I don't walk too far without them all complaining. My friend and I thought that maybe we should start walking every day on the tread mills in the gym.

"Okay, that sounds good. What time should we do it?" I asked.

Viv said, "How about 3:00?"

"Wait, that would interfere with 'Music in the Courtyard.'"

"What about 5:00?" Viv tried.

"No, that won't work either, because of the Watering Hole." (Both events consist of getting together with the group, listening to music, and drinking.)

This went back and forth a few more times until we settled on 8:00 am before our water aerobics class. But we've yet to go because we've both been sick.

I've talked about my water aerobics class before. While we're here in Arizona for the winter months, I usually attend the class five days a week. I don't attend the real physical one - just the medium one. I don't swim laps in the pool, because a) I am afraid of water; b) they don't make water wings for adults, and c) I almost drowned when I was in high school so it scarred me for life.

Jogging - now THERE's a sport for ya. Seriously. Have you EVER seen a happy jogger? When we used to live in a home, there was an older man who jogged in the neighborhood every day. He did NOT look happy. In fact, he looked like he was about to keel over any minute. He wasn't gaining any fans of the sport, I'll tell you!

I tried jogging once. Too hard on my shin splints. And if you are big breasted? Not gonna happen. a) It's not pretty b) It's distracting to people/traffic going by, and c) It left bruises on my cheeks from my boobs slapping me in the face. Yeah. So scratch jogging off the list.

You've read on previous posts that I played bocce ball here. And got beaten by a blind man. Do you get the feeling that I suck at anything athletic? Yeah. I was the one that was picked last for teams in school. I wasn't fat in high school. In fact, I had a great shape.

I was THRILLED the day I broke a bone in my foot in gym class. It was only the second day in Track and Field. The doctor said I had to be out of gym for six weeks! I practically fell onto my knees and shouted, "Praise be the Lord!" Track and Field only ran six weeks. Buh-bye! So sorry I had to miss it!

A few years ago I was thinking of trying roller blading. That was, until this woman came into the library where I was working. She had a cast on her arm. That wasn't so bad, except the fact that her arm jutted out at a 90 degree angle DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER BODY.

"Oh, boy, what happened to you?" I asked her sympathetically.

"Roller blading," She answered.

"Oh no!" I said, already deciding that I would NEVER try it!

"Yeah," she continued, "I didn't even leave the store. I put on the skates and skated over to the table to look at the knee and arm pads and just fell down. They had to call an ambulance for me right there in the store!"

"Oh my God!" I tried not to laugh, but it was pretty hard. This poor thing had to do EVERYTHING with her arm sticking out in front of her. It was quite comical, actually. Not for her, I'm sure. I can't imagine her lying down in bed and seeing her arm straight up in the air.

And THAT, my friends, is why I'll never roller blade.

Maybe I'll just get the Wii fit. This way, if I fall off that platform, it's only about an inch. How bad can that be? Course, I broke my foot doing a hop-step-and-a-jump off a one inch mat so it COULD be bad.


Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Is Bocce Ball a sport?? LOL!! At least you only got bruises on your cheeks and not black eyes.

jinksy said...

Do you think you may be accident prone, therefore safer lying flat out on the floor? Very tiring...

KaLynn said...

OH MY Pat! This is great! YOu had me laughin so hard!!

Hey I"m goin to the gym tomorrow, wanna come along? Well, I am if life doesnt get in the way that is!! I have a gym membership and have paid a trainer to get me some exercises so I can lose the extra flab. I've been to the gym when I have a trainer session! AWFUL ME!!

I think we are in a boat alike!

Rae said...

I have the Wii fit and still can't manage to exercise on it. I need handlebars or else I fall off like I am drunk. I do my best exercise watching aerobics on TV - I sit - I watch.

wenn said...

i would prefer to walk and jog.

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

When I was in high school a hundred years ago or so I would so have considered it a blessing to have had a broken anything that would have excused me from that class!

I seem to know many women who hated PE with a passion who have survived and thrived in middle age (like you) and old age (like me). Maybe because we didn't burn all our energy back there in high school?

That being said I have fun at the water and land exercise classes that are offered at the various RV resorts where we've stayed and I miss them when we're here where there aren't any.

WhisperingWriter said...

I can't jog either. I start to breathe really loudly and people think I'm about to have a heart attack.

Carletta said...

Thanks for another dose of funny!

SquirrelQueen said...

I really feel for the poor woman who broke her arm in the store, but at the same time I'm laughing so hard it hurts.

I played soccer in college and was pretty good at it but I still have one knee that hurts like heck occasionally because of it. I tried jogging once, I even ran a 10K. I survived (barely) but never again, I prefer walking.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am right there with you! I can't even balance enough to ride a bicycle, I have a tricylce! Come spring I will walk daily ..... behind a mower. In the meantime I will take advantage of our down time and read.

Anonymous said...

I used to love to run. So much so that I was so sick of my boobs blackening my eyes that I had a breast reduction (well, that wasn't the only reason- but I had a reduction) I ran a few marathons even. I don't run as much now because of a sore knee, but I have a nice treadmill in my house I use and will run (actually jog) a little on.

Nancy said...

I have Wii Fit but it sits under a credenza. Too lazy to pull it out :-(

Actually that's not true - I just always find excuses - like needing to check my blog.

Snowflake said...

Oh, you keep me laughing!!! I am missing the water aerobics and the daily visits (not to mention all the stories and laughs)!! Can't hardly wait to get back to VV. See you soon!!!

Nezzy said...

Hey girl, your welcome to the Ozarks Ponderosa where ya'll can help me chase/run from wild eyed cattle, jump over fences and face freight~ liner bulls. Who the heck needs a trainer or a exercise plan 'round these hills and hollers! Your post just cracked me up! Loved it.

Have a wonderfully blessed day, ya'll!!!

Betty said...

Pat my exercise is the long-distance walks.Love your sense of humour!xx