Friday, January 15, 2010

Stupid is as stupid does

Okay, see here's the thing. I do stupid things maybe once a month, week, day. I'm not proud of it, but as my sister, Linda, likes to say, "It is what it is."

You've probably read how people should "exercise" their brain, and although I hate exercise in any way, shape, OR form, I thought I'd give it a try.

I take a stab at Sudoku puzzles.

True, I can't get past a "3-star" (medium) one, (5 star being the hardest). What usually happens is that I ball the paper up in frustration and throw it across the room towards the wastepaper basket - and miss!

I do the daily crossword puzzles in the paper, in INK mind you. Monday starts easy and the puzzle gets progressively harder as the week goes on. Sometimes I finish Monday's puzzle.

We do keep a crossword puzzle book in the bathroom to make your shitting sitting pleasure more enjoyable. The first 30-50 pages are the simple puzzles that you can breeze through in one sitting.

My point to all of this is, I try folks. I really try to make the ole neurons in my brain connect like they are supposed to. But somewhere along the way, they are misfiring.

Take for instance this morning. I needed a mirror so I could see the back of my hair. My small hand mirror got broken (I know!) on our flight back to Arizona. So I've been walking around for days not knowing what my "do" looks like in the back. Totally frustrated, I started rummaging through my three bags of make up that I don't wear - thinking that there had to be a mirror in there. I scored! I found this.

Now - you all might be wondering, "What's so stupid about that?" Patience my children. This little make up item was a free gift from a clothing store. I have picked this up and looked at it SEVERAL times and wanted to used it. But I wasn't sure what the stuff inside of it was exactly. On the back it reads:

Again I am puzzled. Which row is the eye shadow, and which row is the lip gloss?

Today I was happy just to use the mirror. You noticed that two brushes were included with this kit. I turned the kit over to dump the brushes out and while I was turning the kit back over, this is what I found.

That's right. A secret compartment with the eyeshadow. Ta-da! So now I know. The eyeshadows are on the bottom compartment; lip glosses are on the top. How many times did I pick this up, turn it over and read it, turn it back and study it, then put it aside? At least 3. How stupid am I?

Stupid Incident No. 2

The other day I went to grab my toothbrush and my brain farted. I couldn't remember which brush was mine. I know this isn't earth shattering, but it's troubling nonetheless. I yelled to my husband, "Which toothbrush is yours?"

"Uh, the blue one?" He answered - not too assuredly.

"The BLUE one?" I shrieked knowing full well that this meant he used it that morning. "I think that's MINE!" I said with a sudden flash of memory. I mean, really, what are the chances that the both of us would forget which toothbrush we use? Seriously? And, eww, the thought of someone else using my toothbrush totally grosses me out. I don't care if it's the same mouth I stick my tongue in at night! I say the blue one is mine! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Stupid Incident No. 3

One time I was walking out of a restroom in a restaurant and saw a glimpse of a woman walking towards me. I thought, "Wow! What a coincidence! She has on the same top that I do!" Yep, it was a mirror!

Stupid Incident No. 4

We played bocce ball over the weekend with a group of friends. One of them was blind. He played better than me. It would be funny if it were true. It's true. Go ahead and laugh. Got it out of your system? Good!

So now it's your turn to make ME laugh. What stupid things have YOU done lately? Come on, spill it.


Nancy said...

This post made my day! LOL! I hate to say it but I've had the same problem with my toothbrush - it absolutely has to go back in the same spot and the holder has to stay the same in order for me to remember. Do not turn the toothbrush holder! Ditto, btw, for my husband. Although he won't admit it. I have found my toothbrush wet at times it should be dry!

I have also done the same blouse/looking in the mirror thing. Please tell me that's a common occurrence.

misslynda said...

While taking a shower,the room gets fogged up because the water is toasty warm. I have been known to comment, "It's getting really difficult to see in here. Maybe we should open the door to let the steam out." And my husband says, "Or maybe you should take off your steamed-up glasses and see if that helps. . . . . . "
Duh - - -it does.
(I am so used to wearing them that I forget to remove them - - - even sometimes at night when I go to bed.)
- - - And worse than thinking a person is wearing the same clothes, I think, "Who is that older woman? AAAAAHHHHHHH - - it's me!"

Noelle said...

ACK! my husband thinks it's ok to use my toothbrush if his isn't "handy" (like if we're on a trip or something). IT. GROSSES. ME. RIGHT. THE. HELL. OUT.

i hate to admit it, but i've seen my reflection in the mirror before and thought it was someone else that looked like me. sheesh.

Allen said...

Pat, This is a great post. haha

Personally, I have been forgetting things. I mean there are some days, I will show up to work and not know how I got there. Or I will just flat out forget what I am doing at the moment. uhhhhh what was we talking about?

Ann said...

After 30 years of marriage, I no longer care which tooth brush I use, using your term brain farted, I just grab any one.

now, this will make you LOL, I have a little swell at my ankle, people asked when I hurt myself. I said, more than40 years ago. But it looks so swollen, yes, because I didn't dsre tell my mum I jumped from a tree, and landed on my ankle and it hurt for 3 months. Yesterday my doctor friend said, I must have broken something.

Gail said...

Oh, thanks for the laugh and the assurance that I am not alone. I needed it badly this morning, stumbling to work on a Saturday.

Rae said...

Rest assured you are not alone in your misadventures. Been there...done that. Mine are becoming too frequent though.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

OH, where would I start? Too numerous to mention, as I do stupid stuff on a daily basis. The toothbrush, no way do I use his! I have to make sure the colors are distinctively different, cause he will use mine! I keep a muti-pack of new ones all the time, cause I toss mine when I find it to have been used!

Helena said...

OMG, I laughed myself right into a hurt reading this. I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one! My son says he's going to start writing down all the stupid things I do and create a best seller out of it. :)

Prizler Photography said...

THIS IS GREAT!! I am laughing my grass stains off my jeans right now. YOU are very funny and we all can relate! Stupid is as stupid does. My hub told me a stupid does incident that happened to him yesterday, short version, he was changing from a wet suit to clothing with a towel around his lower extremedies while talking to a man he just met. He went to reach his hand out to shake the guys hand... the guy looked at him with a strange frown. My hub had been holding his underwear in his right hand and moved it into his left to shake hands. YUCK. Stupid is as stupid does!

Mama Zen said...

I've done #3 more than once!

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

How long have you got?

SquirrelQueen said...

OMG, I had to stop laughing and calm down before I could type a comment. I have done No. 1 on more than one occasion. Pick it up and read the back trying to figure out what is what. I have also had to figure out how to open some of those things.

Stay away from sharp objects.

Jenny said...

Really cute post! And I love your trophy wife line! That just cracked me up. I would like to say I haven't done anything stupid for a long time, but it would be a lie. So I'll just leave it at that. Glad you didn't put the pink on your eyelids. That would have been...interesting.

Meeko Fabulous said...

I am a walking accident waiting to happen. For the most part I'm pretty graceful and I'm really careful when I walk. But there's the off day, when I'm clumsy as all Hell! I managed to fall flat on my ass the other day . . . Wanna know what I tripped on??? Air. Yup. Air.