STUPID STORY #1
Okay, so I heard that the older you get, the wiser you get. Apparently it's not working that way with me. I'm not proud of what I'm disclosing here, but to be fair to my husband, since I've been ripping on him lately, I'm going to let you in on how stupid I've been acting lately. Well, actually, for awhile now:)
Earlier today I was thumbing through my latest issue of People magazine, when something caught my eye in a picture. It was a photo of the famous "Kate" of the "Jon and Kate plus 8" fame. She is sitting on a Vespa, and a gentleman from American Chopper is standing next to her. What caught my attention is what looks like a large penis sitting on this man's shoulder. I kid you not. I study the photo VERY CLOSELY. I remove my glasses and put the magazine up to my eyes THISCLOSE, and yep, that thar's a penis! OMG, what is a penis doing on this guy's shoulder? I'm thinking, with all the controversy about her swirling around, allegedly having an affair with the body guard, yada, yada, yada, that someone was playing a trick and sneaked this little "extra" in the photo without People magazine knowing it. Remember how the kids Disney films each had a little thing in it about sex? Subliminal or not, I searched long and hard to find them. Luckily my nieces showed me where they all were. Whew! (My nieces were older - don't worry.) Anyhoo, I quickly called my daughter and here's how the conversation went:
Jess: "Hello, Mother."
Me: "Jess! Quick! Grab your People magazine with Melisa Joan Hart on the cover!"
Me: "Because! On page 24 there's a picture of Kate on a Vespa, and standing next to her is a guy. He has a penis on his shoulder."
Me: "Yeah, I think it's a joke. You know, like someone sneaked it in there! Quick, look."
Jess is rocking the baby, so she sends her husband on the important errand of looking for the People magazine. He returns in a minute. I hear her flipping the pages.
Me: "Well? Isn't it a penis?"
Jess: "That's not a penis! That's somebody's arm who's standing BEHIND the guy."
Me: "What?" I say, a little disappointed.
I glance down at the picture. Then I really look at it and it all comes in clearly. I start to laugh hysterically. The tears roll down my cheeks. I'm talking but my daughter can't understand me. It's like looking at this optical illusion picture. Do you see the old hag or the young girl? For a long time I only see the one, and then all of a sudden, Pow! The other image magically appears and then I can never go back to the original one that I saw.
That's how it was with this photo! All of a sudden I just saw the arm! No penis! What the heck is the matter with me? I'm trying to rein it in, get things under control. I feel my daughter's frustration over the phone. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard, my throat is raw, my face is wet with tears.
And so, my friends, that was my stupid act for today. I'd post the picture from People, but I'd be afraid of the repercussions. But feel free to check it out yourselves. It's the June 8, 2009 edition of People. Let me know what you think.