Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs

We are bombarded by signs in our everyday life. No left turn. No turn on red. One Way. STOP. Merging Traffic. You get the idea. These signs are straightforward. But some signs are downright puzzling. For instance, while driving in Minnesota, I saw a tall billboard with huge multi-colored letters that read, "WEDOCOWS.COM". First I read that as "wedo" like "little" with a lisp, "little cows" and I thought aww.. Then I realized it said WE (space) DO (space) Cows! Huh? I don't think they should advertise bestiality right there for all the world to see for gosh sakes! Luckily we passed another WEDOCOWS.COM sign and I was able to read more of the smaller print. It's a veterinary company that takes care of cows. Okay, thanks for clearing THAT up.

One time my sister and I, along with her in-laws, went to a casino. I had her mother in law's handicap parking pass, but opted to drop them off at the front door, then hunt for a parking space.

I thought it would be a piece of cake to find a handicap parking space but you wouldn't believe the number of handicapped people who gamble. Did you know that there is discrimination even amongst the handicap? I KNOW! I zoomed up and down several aisles looking for a "regular" handicap parking spot.

There were specially marked spots, NOT ONE, but SEVERAL, mind you for:

That's right. You had to have all THREE qualifications to park there. Apparently there are that many handicapped bingo-playing Native Americans in the area to warrant ten parking spaces. Who knew? What I want to know is, what happens to the handicapped Native American that only plays the slot machines? Is he/she banned to the "regular" old handicap spaces (which, by the way, were way the hell over towards the middle of the parking lot.)

On a road I once traveled quite frequently was a sign that read, "Turtle Crossing." Now, I'm not quite sure how to handle this. When I see a sign for "deer crossing", I am on the alert for a large animal to come darting across the road. But turtle crossing? Should I be looking for a huge, slow-moving tortoise? Or a teeny, tiny turtle like the ones I used to have as a kid in the stinky turtle bowl? Or is it a turtle the size somewhere in-between the two? So what am I supposed to do if I see one crossing the road? I admit, I love turtles just as much as the next person, but I'm not going to swerve out of the way of hitting one if it's going to cause an accident. I think these turtles might be some kind of an endangered species (which is ironic living so close to the road, don't you think?) Suppose I do smoosh one of these little guys? How would the police catch me, unless they witnessed the murder? Get CSI involved? Cast tire tracks off of the turtle's back?

Here's another puzzler. I passed a local car wash that had a sign out front that read, "A clean car gets better gas mileage." You mean to tell me that a gleaming car with sparkling windows versus the same make and model car with the words, "Wash Me" written on the side of it and bird crap on the windshield would get better gas mileage? What was I, born yesterday?

Here are some crazy signs you might enjoy.


Valerie said...

That was a fantastic article, Pat. I giggled all the way through it.
It's as bad in the UK of course. Some years back there was a plan to clear out all street
'furniture' and signs to keep it simple for simple motorists. I haven't seen any changes so far!

Anna said...

I love those photos of signs that were meant to mean one thing, but come across as another.