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Friday, February 22, 2013

Friday's Funnies #5


Simple Truths & Rules

SIMPLE TRUTH #1

Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH #2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."


Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?“

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,“ I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?“ he asked.

'“Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”

“Is that so!” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'“




FORGET THE SHRINKS..
HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!
 






Have a great weekend everyone!

6 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hmm....cutting legs off the bed...not bad advice...lol...the undressing one is funny too...smiles...happy friday

McGuffy Ann said...

You are a character! Thanks for the chuckle!

Nita Davis said...

:D
Have a great weekend!

Eva Gallant said...

The first two really cracked me up!!!!

kisatrtle said...

A good laugh... Just what I needed

the island guy said...

Thanks for the humor and keep doing what you're doing!