Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lions and Tigers and Getting My Driver's License, Oh My! - Name three things that scare me

I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
~Author Unknown

I had to renew my driver's license the other day. It was very, very scary. But I sucked it up (both literally AND figuratively 'cause I thought it would make me look thinner but, alas the picture was only a head shot) and went to the DMV.

Now, Jim and I are not like ordinary human beings. No, we're not

photo courtesy of

but it's close. We are what you call "PMB-ers". Yeah. I know. I've been called worse. Since we travel full time in our trailer (full time RV-er's, a.k.a. "gypsies") we have NO HOME. *sob*

How do we get our mail, you ask? Well, we have a mail service located in South Dakota. Our home address is actually a file folder in their office. They forward our mail to wherever we tell them and whenever we want the mail. Oh, another interesting tidbit? *yawn* South Dakota does NOT have state tax. So many full-timers register out of this state. The same goes for Florida and Texas. Okay, enough background bullcrap.

Bottom line. We are licensed out of SD because that is considered our "home". Our vehicles are, too. But the DMV is kind of puzzled as to how to handle "PMB-ers".

We walked into the empty DMV office, armed with every kind of ID imaginable - driver's licenses, passports, our birth certificates, and those of our parents, grand parents and great grand parents, bank statements, credit card statements, and our first born son.

We filled out the renewal application and approached the desk. The young lady was happy to help us till she looked down and read the application.

"Oh. You're a PMB," she said disdainfully.

"Yes," I answered meekly, avoiding her eyes and not knowing if I should bow or lick her shoes.

"Your passport and driver's license will do. BUT we ALSO need proof that you are staying in a campground with a South Dakota address. Do you have a receipt for that with BOTH your names on it?"

Okay, help me out here. What the heck is this going to show? I'm a fly-by-night person who just happened to stop at a local campground. I don't get it. But I guess they wanted something that had a SD address that WASN'T a PMB. Makes total sense.

I didn't have the receipt with me. It was sitting 5 miles away on my kitchen table. So we were sent away on our trek, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, off to get the Wicked Witch of the West's dreaded broom.

photo courtesy of

We hightailed it back to the trailer, grabbed the receipt and returned to the office, but the young woman was no longer working behind the counter. An older man was sitting there. I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. He was helping out one other customer. While we waited, about four other people lined up behind us. I think this was a good thing. This means he probably wouldn't have time to demand us to do push-ups, or hand stands or the like.

I was still worried about having to take a written test. But, seriously, I didn't need to take a written test the FIRST time I got the driver's license, so chances were I wouldn't have to. So I calmed down.

But then I thought - "Oh my GOD. What if I have to take a DRIVING TEST?"

Imagine parallel parking this sucker

Now, I drive the truck, no problem. But I can't say that I've ever parallel parked that bad boy!

The DMV man said, "NEXT!"

It was my turn. I bravely stepped up to the counter. Now here is my BIGGEST fear. One of these days the DMV is going to get smart and install a built-in scale right in front of the desk, unbeknown to the customer. So when the person hands over the application, the DMV just has to glance down at the weight section, look over at what the scale reads, LAUGH OUT LOUD, and hand back the application saying, "I DON'T THINK SO," or something like, "TRY ADDING ABOUT 50 POUNDS!"

This actually happened to my sister's friend. I'll call her "Nancy". Nancy went to the DMV, filled out the application, handed it to the person behind the counter who looked it over and said, "I think there is an error here," and pushed the application back towards Nancy.

Nancy glanced back down at the application, thinking she might have misspelled something or other, saw nothing was wrong, and pushed the paper back. "No, it's all right."

"Are you SURE?" The DMV employee said, pushing the application back towards Nancy.

"Yes", said Nancy pushing it back realizing this was a weight issue that the clerk was referring to (the Bitch!).

The shoving match went on a couple more times till finally the clerk succumbed. Whew! Close one!

Bottom line - the DMV employee accepted my application without smirking (he's GOOD!), took all my ID's, receipt, blood, urine, baby finger off my right hand, but I'm good. He told me to stand on the line against the wall so he could snap my picture. I foolishly took off my coat thinking he'd get maybe my head AND shoulders. Snort. Just my head. I wanted to do the whole "vogue" pose like Madonna,

photo courtesy of

but I had a feeling my application for the driver's license would have been tossed out the window.


Brian Miller said...

teehee...glad you are legal again...

Snowflake said...

Oh Pat, you make me laugh!!! And of course it's a good thing I put my coffee down first and didn't have a mouth full. Keep up the writing, I'm loving it!!!!!

Steven Anthony said...

only you could make a trip to the dmv so fun ;) lol

Rae said...

I really dislike DMV people. They have an attitude that sucks. I always dread the license information update at renewal time. Each time they ask if anything has changed and I smile and say no -- even though they know full well my weight is much more than what is listed.

Donna said... post girl!!
Glad it's all taken care of!

BigSis said...

I'm so grateful for online renewals! Although, I think the VA licenses look really strange now.

Meeko Fabulous said...

Oh, some bitch at the DMV better not even try to pull that shit with me . . . I'll jump over that counter and cut her.

Wendy said...

I'm so thankful to see that it's not *just* NC DMV that SUX @$$!!! It never fails; no matter *how much* information and forms i take with me, they *always* send me away to bring back SOMETHING ELSE!!! SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!
[breathe, wendy, breathe]

Good post Pat... as Always!

otin said...

Your life seems rather complicated. Did you ever think of buying a small house and a small camper and splitting the time?

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

lol! my driver's license is up for renewal next year. i neglected to tell the state our new address after we moved here; since we're probably moving again before it renews, i bet i better pass along the "new" new address.

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

I think we probably live in the box next door to you guys!! Oh I'm glad our licenses came due a couple of years ago -- just before the rules changed. So I still have my pinky finger ;>).

OK so now you're good to go for five years. Hooray. We might change to Florida now - - but I hate to waste those last 3 years of our SD license LOL)

misslynda said...

It has been a long tiring week and an especially busy, busy day - - - so having your entertaining post to read was refreshing! Thank you for providing the laughter I needed.

Gail said...

That is like the trouble I go through to get a day off.

SquirrelQueen said...

Oh no, the dreaded DMV! My license is due for renewal this summer and it's not something I look forward to. I have had drivers licenses in five states and each one is worse than the others.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Hate those photos, I always look surprised......

becky said...

Glad you made it! Ugh! All the red tape, paperwork crap irritates me! I have to go through all that to try & become a "resident" for school here. No matter I pay OR taxes, DL, car lic/reg/ins... oh yeah RENT & all the other baloney! Still, all the receipts/paperwork... and they can still turn ya down!
It bugs me that you have to be a "permanent resident" anywhere!

Jientje said...

I love your sense of humor!

Allen said...

I felt your anxiety when I went to get my Florida license. I was worried something awe full. But it did turn out ok. Kevin on the other hand had major problems. They forgot to put on his license that hes has a CDL. It took 4 hours and the act of god to change it.

I am glad you have a new one.


Together We Save said...

.... So much trouble....glad you are legal!

Betty said...

Glad you're legal.
The #1 pic rare, thanks for sharing it.