Friday's Funnies #4

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%.The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”

The little guy faints and falls to the floor. 

The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him. The big guy says, “What's wrong with you?” 

In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”

The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!":)

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virginia Stateline. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Beckley,  WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a  ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The
trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in a doctor's book.

Irish Proverb