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Saturday, May 11, 2013

YOGA - It's not just for Sissies

Okay. So here's the story.

I am overweight.

Fat.

Maybe that's too harsh. How about if I say that I am "pleasingly plump". Although who's pleased by my plumpness, I don't know. I know that I need to exercise. The doctor tells me, my husband tells me (in a good way), and my inner voice tells me. True, when they speak it sounds like the adults on the Charlie Brown specials.....



I suffer from various health issues like diabetes and fibromyalgia. So exercising would do me a world of good. So why don't I do it?

Shut up. Why don't YOU exercise?

It's not a question of laziness. Okay, maybe partly it's due to laziness. But anything I try to do, part of my body hurts. Like today, for instance. I thought I would try to do Beginning Yoga.

Pull up a chair. Let me tell you how this all went down.

I found a beginning yoga DVD from the library. I watched it all the way through to make sure that I could do the exercises. No problem. Easy peasy, right? Hahahahahaha

This morning I put on my exercise clothes, moved the coffee table out of the way (I was tired already), and got down to business.

It started out okay......standing legs apart, arms stretched out on either side of my body, palms up, then reach my hands up above my head and bring them together in front of my chest.

Damn! I'm doing yoga!

Things started to go downhill after that. I guess what threw me off was when I saw a man standing on my patio looking at me through my blinds.

Well, I don't know if he was exactly looking at me, per se, but he DID scare the bejesus out of me. He was one of the workmen who have been working on the condominiums in our subdivision, which have been re-sided and new decks put on. Every month or so I find a man outside on my patio doing God knows what. THIS man seemed to be fiddling with something. Wait. That sounds wrong. I mean, he wasn't fiddling with something on his person, but something on the wall or the deck or something.

As discreetly as I could, I moved this big old body across the room and yanked my curtains shut. So much for yoga being tranquil and stress-free.

This rattled me more than I'd like to admit. I tried to get into the pose that the instructor was showing, twisting my body into what looked like a Picasso painting

Nude under a pine tree- Pablo Picasso
This was beginning yoga, and I was struggling AND sweating like a pig. (Actually, sweating like a pig is a false saying because pigs don't sweat! To cool off they wallow in mud! So, I guess I was sweating like a fat woman!)

I stretch, I contorted, I was just about there and then.....I fell.

Seriously? Uh, yeah. I fell doing yoga. I am so glad that I was in the privacy of my own home, with only one workman watching me, instead of in a studio with upteen other women.

Of course, I started laughing at myself.

Got right back up and tried again. The instructor kept stressing that "even if we couldn't complete the move, any stretching would help".

I'm sure he was right.

What hurt me the most during this exercise? My feet. I have TERRIBLE feet. I had pains running along my arches. So I had to put my gym shoes on in the middle of the DVD. Hopefully this will prevent the pain from starting next time.

Towards the end, we had to lie on the floor and do some leg stretches. I made the mistake of closing my eyes when I rolled from side to side.

I instantly got nauseous. I got this weird thing that I get seasick very easily if I'm looking down while Jim drives out of the driveway, if someone leans on my chair and it moves, watching a movie with a "shaky" lens, etc. When I get seasick, I instantly get a headache and stomachache.

Yeah. I'm a riot at an amusement park. I'll hold all your stuff or watch your kids while you go on all the rides!

So what have we learned today?

Yoga can cause dizziness, falling down, pains in the feet, and strange men to look through your windows.

Namaste


20 comments:

JoJo said...

OMG! I cracked up!!!! This so could be me! I'm 'full figured' which thank god is something my fiance' LOVES....he's a 'chubby chaser'. I walk for health but I loathe exercise. My labwork came back so good that my doctor made a half hearted 'you better lose weight' speech, while looking at my 163 cholesterol results. lol As to yoga, my friend Moriah told me about the time she took a beginner's class, got into a pretzel position and, unfortunately, passed a whole lot of loud gas. lmao

Lynn said...

So now we know Picasso's secret! I always wondered what the people in his pictures were up to. Turns out it was yoga.

I do a beginner yoga video (10 Minute Solutions) that starts off on the floor, so you can't fall down. LOL--your images had me ROFL so it's a good thing if I'm not in a chair!

Our instructor always said "It's your stretch. It's not about keeping up." As for JoJo's comment about passing gas, it's common in yoga, so our instructor said to just ignore it if it happens, knowing that you are cleaning bad stuff out of your body. My husband and I have an agreement that we don't have to say "excuse me" for any noises that come out during exercise!

Lynda said...

Oh, Pat - - you are funny. But on a serious note, they are right about the stretching. It does help. There are some chair exercises online, too if you want to start above the floor. Are you near a YMCA? Have you thought about water exercises? They have them for all levels of fitness - - some specifically for arthritis or other things that need low impact like the fibromyalgia. I used to LOVE going to the Y for the deep water aerobics - - - but my skin is super sensitive and became irritated by the chlorine. Keep working away - - - even if not with a DVD. Find what works for you and stick with it. Even if you begin with just one exercise this week and add another each week. That is sometimes easier. Whatever you do, your blogger readers are sure to have some entertainment in your future posts!

Brian Miller said...

why you did not take a video for us is beyond me...smiles... i feel you though...its not easy...and we cant expect to get it first day either...for me i get discouraged at times with exercise because i dont see it at first but stay with it if it is your thing...and there are plenty of exercises out there to try...

JoJo said...

It may be normal to pass the gas...but I would be afraid to take a class and hear it or do it b/c I'll just start laughing like an immature idiot. lol

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Okay, I laughed. Sorry. But it sounds like my attempts at exersize! I garden ...... it is enough!

dkzody said...

I have a couple of issues that have caused me to exercise--spinal stenosis and vestibular degeneration. They really are simple exercises but make a world of difference in my health. I have a couple of 5 pound weights I use, too. This all comes from a person who hates any kind of exercise except walking, which I do quite a bit but not enough to make my dr happy. As for the diabetes, diet makes a huge difference. We have changed over to an almost completely plant-based diet and both of us are feeling super. Something to think about.

Liz said...

Did you know there's a book called Yoga for Wimps? For people who find beginning yoga too hard. (That's about my level. I am so inflexible I can't even touch my toes.)

Donna B. said...

Oh Pat...you do such an incredible job of creating a visual picture of this! I am still snickering...mainly because I can so relate! I too am trying to lose some of my fat...and it keeps finding me...but at least I am now in a lower three digit weight number...barely...but slowly but surely...

Keep at it girl....and I know you will keep your sense of humor!

Mrs A said...

Thank God for a sense of humour! This is so funny and I can absolutely relate to it all! Why do we all giggle at the explosions?! Not when our gaseous old dog does though!! Mrs A

Adam said...

it does seem tough

Genie Robinson said...

You have cracked me up. Buddy and I took a class together years ago and dropped out...it was way above anything I could do. I consider it an extreme sport. I am impressed you did as well as you did. Keep at it. Everyone says it does wonders for you physically and emotionally. genie

SquirrelQueen said...

Sorry, I am trying so hard not to laugh. I tried yoga one time thinking it would be a nice relaxing form of exercise, boy was I wrong. That's hard work. I decided to go back to the torture machines.
Keep it up, any exercise is good for what ails ya.

Valerie said...

I am not laughing, Pat. Honestly! And if you believe that you'll believe anything. Seriously though, exercise is good for you. Just don't try too much at once. I exercise every morning to improve spine problems and it works on weight as well. I used to full time yoga but it's something you need to take gradually... bit at a time. And not give up. Have a look at pilates, the movements are not so strenuous. Good luck.

Patty said...

I rarely comment but... I LOVE THIS! I feel your pain. I can't do yoga, either.

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

You have a wonderful sense of humour! I think I'll stick with my walking.....

Furry Bottoms said...

ALso that fibromyalgia is not a joke. I am in exactly the same predicament. I know exercising will do me good. Its the Fibro pains that prevent me from doing them. My brain races with good intentions. I'm going to walk a mile, I'mgoing to finish a Jane Fonda tape, I'm going to clean house from top to bottom, vroom go go go... but the reality is my body just can't deal with it. Its not fair. People call us lazy, fat because we're lazy... they don't really know. Maybe we're lazy because we KNOW the consequences of exercising with fibro. Back off. I applaud your attempt at Yoga! :)

Donna said...

HAHAHahahahaaa...omggggg!
This whole post is Totally about Me!!!
And that guy looking in the window Would have gotten an Earfull if I'd caught him!
hughugs

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

You are so funny Pat.

(Seriously though, you really need to find a swimming pool, indoors, with a hot tub for afters.!)

Wendy said...

Pat, i'm not laughing.
You remember i *teach* Yoga, right?
Wish i lived in your area; i'd come to your house and talk you through some Yoga. =-)
Anyway, Peggy Cappy has some good videos, and sometimes she even comes on the PBS channels. She teaches Seniors, but maybe that's where your body might need to start.
And as far as your feet? I would suggest you try doing as much of the video as you can barefooted, before you go put your shoes on. But don't wait until you're REALLY hurting. Listen to your body (including your feet!)
And maybe try doing some exercises with your feet where you're not *Standing* on them; barefooted & sitting on a kitchen chair, roll through your ankles, alternate scrunching and spreading your toes, point & flex your feet. Things like that. People with Arthritis don't feel like moving, but it's honestly the STAYING STILL that makes them hurt WORSE! (And i'm not saying you have Arthritis, but i think the Fibromyalgia is similar in that it helps to stretch & move.)
Moving and stretching some each day is important and good for you.
So... GOOD for YOU!! =-)
Getting started is the hardest part, too, so, Congratulations!
=-)