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Friday, May 10, 2013

Friday's Funnies

An old woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"


The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."







A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish!?!?"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya!  We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees!!







A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.  

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Land Rover you booked for speeding last week."



Live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look
around you for happiness instead of sadness.
Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

RED SKELTON

12 comments:

JoJo said...

Those were a riot!!! Thanks for the Friday morning chuckle! :D

Gail said...

Wonderful!!!!!!!!!

McGuffy Ann said...

These are great! Thanks!

in the coop said...

Hilarious! And I hadn't heard any of them before!

Emily Rose said...

Ahaha these are great!

Lynda said...

Pat - - I don't know which one I like better - - - going to the Jim is definitely worth adopting! If you had Parkinson's, you could use a straw for the drink!!! Thanks for sending us into the weekend with a smile.

Liz said...

Thanks for the laugh.

Brian Miller said...

hahaha def like that first one...and the bottle will help me forget if i need to eh? lol....happy friday pat

Adam said...

nice ones

Eva Gallant said...

Good ones!!!

Mrs A said...

I love your jokes! Don't ever stop posting Friday Jokes, they are hilarious! Mrs A

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Love the get well message! Wish I had thought of that a time or two ....