Friday, May 17, 2013

Friday's Funnies #11

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

An  elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service,  Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled  back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.'??

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as 
long as it wants.

Stephen King


Brian Miller said...

he will....hhaha...wish i could have pulled that when i was in ministry...smiles

in the coop said...

Funny, funny, as always.
I never thought I liked Stephen King, but lately I've been coming across all sorts of things about him (it seems many of my favorite movies were based on his writing) and I might have to change my stance. Great quote!

Adam said...

my favs are the 1st and 3rd one

JoJo said...

Very cute! :)

Lynn said...

Put a new battery in your hearing aid! Love it! Even had my hubby chuckling on that one.

Banker Chick said...

"Don't you know you've had it?"
That was funny!
Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

Eva Gallant said...

Once again, good ones!!!!