Thursday, January 3, 2013

Start the year off right.....with laughter!

In remembrance of my wonderful winters in Mesa, Arizona!

Where it is sunny & wonderful!
We live longer & have young ideas!

Getting old in Arizona

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the porch in Yuma doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?' 
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Yuma reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece..
The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years?'
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife..'
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

A man was telling his neighbor in Mesa , 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it is state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Gilbert , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids


Life is short, and we can't stop the clock. Why not enjoy life and embrace our age? In 3 more years I'll be 60. (SO hard to believe!) Isn't 60 the new 40 or something like that? I'm glad that I'm not younger because if that formula works, let's see....50 would be 30, 40 would 20, 30 would be...10?.....uh, no. I'm fine, thanks!


The Bipolar Diva said...

Thanks for the laughs, I really needed them!

Valerie said...

Couldn't open any of the pictures, Pat. I'll come back later to see if there's any change.

Dianne said...

I'm still laughing at 'oh, so you're single' :)

Brian Miller said...

ooo wincing and laughing, so i am getting my ab work out this morning...

Ami said...

"I suck a lifesaver."

Luna Miranda said...

LOL i hope i won't be dreaming of cucumbers and crushed nuts!

Jackie/Jake said...

Great jokes!!
Thanks for dropping by and visiting.

Jane said...

Lol!!! It's those little old ladies that you have to watch out for!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Too funny! I will have to share these with some of my fave kampers!

Do you miss your winters in warm weather?

Carletta said...

Thanks for the laughs Pat! I'll be 60 in a few weeks - trying to embrace it. :)
Love your header!

I couldn't open the pictures either.