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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Things that make you go, "Say What?"

"Women avoid jail time in glue-related revenge plot"

Okay, so there's this man. He cheats on his wife. With THREE other women. All four women get together, lure said man into hotel room, tie him and and SUPERGLUE his PENIS to his STOMACH. PENIS-STOMACH. YOWSER. I'm not thinking pain here. I'm thinking length. Can't help it. No wonder he was stringing along 4 women. The woman who actually did the gluing said that her decision to grab nail glue from her makeup bag was "a stupid spur-of-the-minute decision."

All the women received was one year probation plus community service. I hope it doesn't include making crafts with the senior citizens at the retirement home. I wouldn't trust them with any glue.



My father was proud of his Italian heritage. You could not utter the word "Wop" around him, and the only time the word "Dago" was used was when we referred to "Dago" (Italian) bread.

But I did make my Dad laugh when I came home one time with this joke. Please excuse my childish drawing. Art is NOT my strong suit.

This is an Italian Wheel.


Dago thru rain, dago thru snow, dago thru sleet. And when they have a flat dago, "wop, wop, wop." (Disclaimer: I feel I can tell this joke since I am Italian.)


Imagine my surprise when I came across a picture of this bike. I don't know if it's made in Italy, though.





This is just how I'd want my nails done. A walking advertisement for fast food joints. It would make me want to chew my nails.





Looks like "Pa" likes gambling, too. But he didn't play his cards right and "Ma" caught him cheating - but not at cards!





Looks like this person is the one that needs the luck.





Now here's someone with a good sense of humor.






Making light of a heavy situation.






This is what one would need to light their cigarette in a "no-smoking" establishment, to show exactly how they feel about that "NO SMOKING" rule.






"Woman says her love handles saved her life."

According to the Associated Press, a Florida woman named Samantha Lynn Frazier heard two pops as she walked into a bar in New Jersey on Saturday, February 20. She felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her side. She was later quoted as saying, "I want to be as big as I can if it’s going to stop a bullet."



Now I have even MORE reason to eat. I'm dodging bullets.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Everyone gets Leid at a Hula Party!





I like to throw parties but because of my lack of patio furniture, I take advantage of the areas offered to us at the park where we stay. I also like to have "theme" parties. You may remember my Italian-themed bocce ball party that I held at the beautiful bocce ball courts that were newly built this year.

It's been getting warmer finally, so I decided to have a Luau Party. I reserved (free of charge) the barbecue patio right next to the pool. There is a huge gas grill, several round tables and chairs, and a nice overhang to shade from the sun. I wanted to play the game, "Pictionary", and asked at the office if they had a small dry erase board that they used at meetings that I could possibly borrow. Well, low and behold, they checked around and it seemed that the only thing they had available was this huge board on wheels. Yes! Score! So two lovely gentlemen wheeled that bad boy down to the area the morning of the party, including the markers and eraser.

I tried my hardest to get some Hawaiian music - I asked everyone if they owned any, I searched my library - and nothing. If I was really on the ball I could have ordered some CD's from another library, but I guess I wasn't that sharp. Then my sister told me about Pandora radio. Have you heard about this? You go to www.pandora.com and it is a virtual radio station. You make your own radio station, pick your own songs and/or artists. It is so cool. So I chose "Hawaiian Music" and wha-lah! All morning in my trailer I was listening to that kind of music. Great! I just needed to hook up speakers to my laptop and bring both down to the patio, hook up to the Wi-Fi and we'd be all set. Jim ran out and bought an IPOD docking station with speakers and it worked great at home.

Everyone was pitching in and bringing food. We were bringing salmon. This recipe, which we got from Jim's brother, Mark, (thanks, Mark!), makes the salmon taste like lobster, or put near. Maybe it's because of all the butter you smother it with......

This is for a big slab of salmon. We had a piece about a foot long by 4 or 5 inches wide.

MARINADE

1/2 cup of butter
1 Tablespoon white worcestershire sauce
1 pinch of rosemary
1 pinch of oregano
1 pinch of parsley
1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt


Microwave the butter to soften it enough to mix the above ingredients into a sauce. We usually let the mixed marinade cool so it is somewhat thick when applying it to the salmon. This gives a little more time to apply it before it melts and drips into the coals or gas grill causing flame-ups.


MIX MARINADE AND SET ASIDE.

Sprinkle sea salt over the meat side of the salmon (about 10 granules per square inch)

Sprinkle sugar on the same side.

Let this sit for about 30 minutes.

Grill salmon meat side down for about 10 minutes per inch of thickness.*

Flip salmon over to skin side.

Spread marinade over salmon and grill until done.

It's usually best to do the grilling with the grill closed.

*Our piece of salmon did not have any skin on it so Jim put the marinade on both sides of the fish and it turned out great.


I also made a coconut rice, which I got from the Food Network. It is delish and one of my favorite rice dishes. Other meat dishes included sweet and sour pork and chicken chow mein. We had all kinds of appetizers and desserts, too.

A couple of friends arrived early to help me decorate. Jim plugged in our laptop and the first problem we had was - NO ELECTRICITY. YIKES! So I had to go to the office and report that little detail. Luckily they jumped right on it and sent someone down. It must have been a minor problem because we had electricity in no time. Next problem? No music. The Wi-Fi was so slow that we couldn't download the music. I was a little upset because I DO believe that music makes the party! Jim ran home and grabedb my IPOD, but I didn't have any Hawaiian music on it. The crowd didn't seem to mind.

I greeted everyone with a kiss on both cheeks (on their face!) and put a lei around their neck.

Party Guests



Shannon's grandson, Blake, was visiting her, so he joined in the fun.











The "crazy ladies", a.k.a. Sandy and Carol.



These aren't all the guests, but a good handful of them.

Come and get it!



Yum!




The definite hit of the day was the game. Oh, I forgot to mention that I could NOT find my game ANYWHERE. So last minute frantic search and a friend came up with a similar game. Whew!

Here is Sue with a "WTF" expression on her face. Funny, we had the same expression on all of our faces. I can't remember what she was trying to draw, but when she told us what it was supposed to be, we all had a good laugh.



It was the men, the "cocoNUTS" against the women, the "leis". It was a pretty close game, although I must say the men cheated a lot. Then things started going down hill fast. Carl got up and drew something like this:




It didn't have anything to do with the game. Give up? It's a fat man on a stool.


Well, I couldn't let him show me up. So I stood up and drew this one.



Know what it is? It's a giraffe walking past a window.

It doesn't stop there, folks. Oh no it doesn't. Here's one more.





Think out of the box. It's two people walking a(breast).

I know. Us old people know how to have fun.

The moral of the story is, it doesn't matter that everything goes wrong no matter how much you plan. As long as you have good friends, good food, AND A LOT OF BOOZE, there will be GOOD TIMES!!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

One Ringy Dingy

Remember back when it was exciting to hear a phone ring? Every one would clamor to the phone yelling, "I'll get it! I'll get it!"

The first phone I can remember in our household was one of these bad boys that hung on our kitchen wall.



Dialing someone's number seemed to take forever - especially if they had a "zero" in their phone number. You'd poke your finger in the hole and wind the dial all the way around to the metal bracket and then let the dial go and wait for it to roll back into place. Here's a little video to help some of you young whippersnappers understand what I am talking about.



There was no quick dialing back then. If you needed to dial 911 you'd be better off just standing on your front porch and screaming "HELP!" (Oh, yeah, they didn't have 911 back then, either!)

You could take your time dialing, too. You wouldn't get any funny or annoying buzzing sounds for over a minute. And answering machines? Never heard of them! If you weren't home, the phone just rang and rang. Even if you WERE home, and couldn't get to the phone right away, it rang and rang till the person on the other end gave up and hung up. Sometimes if you'd call someone and let the phone ring for 20-30 times, the operator would break in and say something wise like, "There seems to be nobody home at that number." Thanks for THAT newsflash!

"Call-waiting" wasn't invented either, but if you were trying to get in touch with someone, and they were yaking on the phone, you could actually call the operator and say you had an emergency and have her break into their conversation so they end their conversation and talk with you!

Our rotary dial wall phone had a 6-ft. long cord attached to it, which each of us kids would stretch to the limit. It wasn't an unusual sight to see the cord stretched across the kitchen, and one person or another either ducking under or pulling the cord up to get by. Sometimes we'd hold the phone in the crook of our neck and gab, all the while washing dishes, or sweeping the floor, or some other household chore in the kitchen.

If we were having a private conversation, we'd stretch the cord and sit on the stairs that led to the bedrooms upstairs. If it was a really, REALLY private conversation, we'd shut the door to the stairs, and it became like a confessional -



dark and quiet, while you confessed your sins to your friend over the phone.

From all that stretching, that cord was a mess! Every so often we'd have to dangle the receiver and let the cord unwind. I sat transfixed as the receiver twisted first one way, then the other.





Speaking of private conversations, that was hardly possible if you had a party line. And I'm not talking about those 1-800-call-me numbers they advertise now for college kids. I'm talking a party line where people SHARE one telephone line. Jim's parents were on a a party line in their small town in Minnesota. It wasn't that long ago, either - in the 80's! If you wanted to make a call, you lifted the receiver and listened to see if anyone was using the phone. If someone was talking, and if you were a courteous person, you would hang up and try again later. But if you were nosy, you just might listen to the conversation and see what little pieces of gossip you could pick up. Just don't breathe too heavy or they'd know another person was on the line!

The times, they were a'changing, and we went right along with it. Out went the rotary phone, and in came a spanking new PUSH BUTTON Trimline phone.



Hoo-hoo! Talk about speed dial! This was great! We could dial people up in a quarter amount of the time that it took us before! And boy, my memory was great back then. I could retain so many phone numbers in my head. Family members, friends, associates. Now? I don't even know my own kids' phone numbers - they are programmed in to my cell phone.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Peach Blossom Festival



Last Sunday Jim and I went out to Schnepf Farms for their Peach Blossom Festival. We could tour the farm by walking, taking the train



or a hayride.



We opted for the train ride because we could get off near one of the orchards and walk around.

First we passed the "U-pick" garden. The public can come in and pick from the garden, and the cost is $1.00/lb. All of the vegetables are organically grown. Here are people picking their own crop.



The train stopped for us and we got off near these Katy Apricot trees. They were not in bloom yet, but would be soon and the fruit ripe by the end of May.



Across the road from them were the peach trees in full bloom. They were beautiful, all in a row, with their odd shaped branches going every which way. That is a mountaintop all the way in the back of the photo. Enlarge to see more clearly.



A close up. Can you find the bee?



We followed a road off the main road for a little bit to a fenced in area where they kept a herd of fallow deer. I was surprised at how many were actually in the herd. Fallow deer are small in size - bucks ranging up to or a little over 3 feet tall, and up to or a little over 4 feet long. Their colors ranged from a lighter beige to a dark brown, but all had the white spots on them.





This was one of the larger groups that was sitting under the shelter for shade.



We hopped back on the train as it came back around and went back to the main part of the farm.

There was a delicious smell wafting on the air and looking over, I saw these guys cooking up a storm on the grill. Looks like hamburgers and chicken breasts.



After ordering your food, one could sit down and enjoy eating it in the picnic area, either under the large shelter or in the sunshine.



Between the grill and the picnic area sat this inviting bench. It just begged to have it's picture taken.



Next to the bench stood this gate, opened as if saying, "C'mon in!"



The palm tree that is casting its shadow in the picture above.



When I walked through that gate, I found a small reflection pond with a few koi fish swimming around. It was so peaceful.



This is the general store at the farm. They sell things like preserves and honey.



But their specialty is pie. You can buy it by the piece.



Or a whole pie.



People could scarf down their pies either outside, or here



or here.



The store had a lot of neat things inside like this wine rack filled with blue bottles.




Or this old dresser with three mirrors on top.



I wanted to stop at the petting zoo, and we saw these peacocks in a cage on the way over there. Why is it that the male bird is so beautiful and the female bird is so plain? Life is just not fair!



Hi, hi, hi, hi! Happy to see you! Got anything to eat?



Ewe's not fat - ewe's just "fluffy"!



Cock-a-doodle-doo!



It was a beautiful day, and we had a nice day touring the farm.