Sunday, February 28, 2010

Things that make you go, "Say What?"

"Women avoid jail time in glue-related revenge plot"

Okay, so there's this man. He cheats on his wife. With THREE other women. All four women get together, lure said man into hotel room, tie him and and SUPERGLUE his PENIS to his STOMACH. PENIS-STOMACH. YOWSER. I'm not thinking pain here. I'm thinking length. Can't help it. No wonder he was stringing along 4 women. The woman who actually did the gluing said that her decision to grab nail glue from her makeup bag was "a stupid spur-of-the-minute decision."

All the women received was one year probation plus community service. I hope it doesn't include making crafts with the senior citizens at the retirement home. I wouldn't trust them with any glue.

My father was proud of his Italian heritage. You could not utter the word "Wop" around him, and the only time the word "Dago" was used was when we referred to "Dago" (Italian) bread.

But I did make my Dad laugh when I came home one time with this joke. Please excuse my childish drawing. Art is NOT my strong suit.

This is an Italian Wheel.

Dago thru rain, dago thru snow, dago thru sleet. And when they have a flat dago, "wop, wop, wop." (Disclaimer: I feel I can tell this joke since I am Italian.)

Imagine my surprise when I came across a picture of this bike. I don't know if it's made in Italy, though.

This is just how I'd want my nails done. A walking advertisement for fast food joints. It would make me want to chew my nails.

Looks like "Pa" likes gambling, too. But he didn't play his cards right and "Ma" caught him cheating - but not at cards!

Looks like this person is the one that needs the luck.

Now here's someone with a good sense of humor.

Making light of a heavy situation.

This is what one would need to light their cigarette in a "no-smoking" establishment, to show exactly how they feel about that "NO SMOKING" rule.

"Woman says her love handles saved her life."

According to the Associated Press, a Florida woman named Samantha Lynn Frazier heard two pops as she walked into a bar in New Jersey on Saturday, February 20. She felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her side. She was later quoted as saying, "I want to be as big as I can if it’s going to stop a bullet."

Now I have even MORE reason to eat. I'm dodging bullets.


Barb said...

My mom is Italian and my dad loved to tell Italian jokes. He passed away a few years ago, but he would have loved that one!

Brian Miller said...

lol. thanks for the chuckles pat...

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Those are hilarious. Especially the woman who got shot. Where in the heck did you find these...really though...why were you looking for them??

Wendy said...

I can always count on you Pat for my daily chuckle.

Anonymous said...

ouch! penis and glue are a bad combo...

the grave stones pricless

fingernails...she should get pd for advertising

Rae said...

You are a one woman internet comedy routine and so funny. Loved the stories.

LMJ said...

These are great!1 I loved the last one!

I once saw a video of a big girl who was on a sling shot at theme park. Somehow, the buckles became loose while she was swinging in the air, and her big belly stopped her from sliding outof the chair and down onto the air!!

Gail said...

Dodging bullets! Now I have heard every excuse!

I love your mind, I believe it may be possibly, maybe almost as sick as mine!

Thanks for making me laugh, and smile and giggle.

Boomka said...

Wow. I wish I had something more critically interesting or fascinating to say aside from wow, but nope, just wow. W. O. W.

A Council House Kid.... Grown Up said...


Great stories and lots of humour, very good indeed.


SquirrelQueen said...

OMG, where do you find these Pat? It really doesn't matter I would laugh just as hard if I knew. I love that bike.

Betty said...

Hahha Amazing stories!Those are hilarious, Pat! Thanks for the laugh!
Betty xx

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...