If you think people who winter in Arizona in retirement communities just play bingo or shuffleboard, you are sadly mistaken.
Let me tell you about my Friday evening.
This is Bob and Judy.
They are from Canada. Bob is ex-RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police).
Bob earned the nickname "Crash" for crashing seven, count 'em, seven, police vehicles in one year.
Apparently he's not a good bicyclist, either.
Harold is blind. Has been since the age of 27. I saw Harold at the pool a few days ago. He told me that he was taking his daily walk with another friend named Bob. RCMP Bob rode by on his bicycle, said hello to Walking Bob and didn't see Harold until the last minute and almost ran him over!
"That doesn't surprise me," I told Harold. "RCMP Bob just told me that he had lost control of his bike the other day when riding into his patio and that he ran into his porch railings!"
"Well," Harold said, "running into a PORCH and running into ME are two different things!"
We couldn't just let this information go. We had to do something about it. RCMP Bob is a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor and an infectious laugh. We knew he could take a joke.
Meet the Team of Instigators
Larry and Norma, Colorado
Mike and Kathy, Michigan
We wanted to attach training wheels to Bob's bike, but couldn't find a used pair anywhere, even though we went to a couple of Good Will stores. Larry ended up making the wheels from cardboard. They turned out pretty good.
I was able to get my hands on the yellow tape used at construction sites. Although it didn't say "DO NOT CROSS" like police tape, it did say "CAUTION".
I typed up a letter using the local police department letterhead on it (which I copied from the internet). The gist of the letter stated that Bob's bike was being impounded as of February 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm. It would not be released until he met the following requirements:
1) Pass a bicycle safety course,
2) Apologize to Harold for almost running him over. What was he thinking for God's sake?
3) Apologize to his wife for denting the porch railings.
I added some other little digs in there and signed the letter "Officer Goodbody".
Bob and Judy were going to be gone on Friday night to the annual Canada Day dance held here in the park, along with all our other Canadian friends. The instigators and I opted to go out to celebrate being American by eating at a Mexican restaurant where their Margaritas are huge and appetizers are half price during happy hour. We firmed up our plans for the big caper over our drinks.
After dinner a somewhat giddy group went to three stores looking for white chalk so we could outline a body that was lying on the sidewalk like Bob had run somebody (namely Harold) over.
Here's Larry attaching the training wheels to Bob's bike.
The finished product
Next we attached the caution tape from the porch to the grapefruit tree,
from the tree, across the patio driveway (behind their car) and attached it to the pole on the other side of the patio,
and all the way down the side of the driveway and around his bike.
Larry volunteered to be the run down victim.
Larry doesn't move an inch and Kathy does her magic with chalk.
The final product.
We taped the letter from Officer Goodbody to their front door. Then everybody went their separate ways. I didn't get a chance to talk to Bob and Judy till the following afternoon. They said that they laughed so hard when they saw all the stuff we had done. They figured it was us "Americans" since all the "Canadians" were out at the dance. We all had a good laugh, but I have to watch my back because I know paybacks are hell.