Saturday, September 26, 2009

Out of the mouth of Babes

I have to give a shout out to Wendy at On the Front Porch. I read her post about her youngest son saying some embarrassing things in the store, and it reminded me of a story I'd like to share with all of you.

When my daughter, Jessica, was three years old, she just loved babies. We were at a McDonald's, along with her brother, Jason, who was five.

I pointed out the window and said, "Look, Jessica, there's a baby!" and she replied, in a REALLY LOUD VOICE,

"Mom, where do BABIES come from?"

Suddenly, it got real quiet at all the tables surrounding us, like the old E.F. Hutton commercials. Everyone was waiting for my response.

I leaned across the table and practically hissed at my daughter, "Jess! This isn't the time or place to talk about it! We'll discuss it later. And use your inside voice!"

Ignoring my warning, she asked loudly, "Why? Doesn't everybody ELSE want to know where babies come from?"

I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole......


When Jason was 5 and came home from his religious education class one day, he asked me, "Mom, when God made man, did he put his head on first, or his arms and legs?"


I used to have a routine in the morning - after my husband left for work, the kids would come into my bed. I would get up and shower, then come back into my room to get dressed. Jess was 3 and Jason was 5.

I never thought they were paying any attention to me since I'd put the TV on and they'd watch cartoons. That is, until the one morning when I was bending over to put on my underpants and Jason piped up, "Mom, exactly how LONG are your BOOBS?"

uh, what? Does he think I'm some kind of cow with an udder? Yikes!

That wasn't bad enough. He went on to ask,"And exactly what is that 'fur' on you?"

Ooookay. Right then and there I knew he was getting too old to see me naked. I just hurried up and got dressed, and luckily he was distracted by the TV. Whew! Close call.

But, alas, the dreaded time for the birds and bees came the next year. Jason was about six years old. I can't remember the original question. I do remember that I had read somewhere to always answer the question honestly and to use the correct vocabulary. That part was going to be hard.

But I did it. I answered his original question. And I took it one step further. (Or a mile further!) I game him a 10 minute dissertation on the facts of life. I was so proud of myself that I didn't notice his little eyes glazed over. When I was done lecturing, I looked over at Jason and asked, "Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah, Mom, why are some houses made of brick?"

Ah. A job well done I see.


Betty said...

Amazing children's questions!
I enjoyed so much your great story as always.
Have a nice weekend!

Valerie said...

Great post, Pat. Your final paragraph reminded me of 'sex education' at school. It was the 'mile further' that brought it to mind. Extensive descriptions and diagrams were too much, my friend and I came out vowing that if we got married we'd have separate rooms!

Betty said...

Came back.
Enjoyed the video, as well.

WhisperingWriter said...

Yes, my son asked where babies came from and I sort of gave him a PG version.

SquirrelQueen said...

I can just imagine you trying to crawl under the table at Wendy's or pretending not to know your daughter.

Your post reminds me of a joke I heard years ago, not sure where. The little girls asks her mom, "Where did I come from?" Mom nervously goes into a full lecture on the birds and bees. When it was over the little girl says to her mom, "No mom, I want to know where I came from. My best friend says she came from Cleveland."

Sara Chapman said...

Babies come from the hospital, everyone knows that! No, seriously, they do have some really great books on the subject; you should check it out. Some are awful but I'm sure you can find one with the right tone that fits your style. Leave it around the house for your kid to read on his own.

Carletta said...

Cute stories Pat!

Denise said...

This post had me chuckling. I guess we've all had our moments when our kids have made us want the floor to swallow us whole. Thanks for a great post.