I told Jim that the next time I saw this man I was going to ask him. Jim was mortified. "Why?" I said. "That's a private thing! You can't ask him that!" Jim was indignant. Oh. So, our alarm clock is a pull-up junkie. Great.
2. I CAN'T HEAR MY HUSBAND MOVING AROUND IN THE CONDO. Okay, so this may sound like a good thing, right? I complained a lot that he seemed to be breathing down my neck in the small space of the trailer. Now we have breathing ROOM in our place. But here is the problem. I could feel every movement Jim made in the trailer. He'd cross his leg? I knew it. Bent over to pick something up? Yep, I knew it. Maybe not EXACTLY what he was doing, but I knew he was moving, ya know? Why, you ask? Because the trailer moved! This movement became so second hand to me, ingrained in my every cell. Living like this for seven years! The absolute worst situation was when I was enclosed in our little potty room, about 2' x 3'. When I sat there and planned to spend some time, if you know what I mean, THAT was when Jim decided to get up and walk around in the trailer. I felt like I was on one of those enclosed Disney rides where the seat moves around. Do you know what I'm talking about? I HATED those things! I get sick so easily! Anyway, I'd sit on the toilet trying to, well, poop, and Jim would be, what felt like WALTZING around the trailer. That's all I'd have to do is raise my arms like I was on that freakin' Disney ride, and I'd be puking in no time. But. I digress. Now I can't hear Jim moving around AT ALL. He walks around in his stocking feet, our whole place is carpeted except for the kitchen, and he's like a gosh darn stealth bomber. I mean, he's a BIG GUY, and he just floats into the kitchen while I'm in there making my tea. The other day he came in there and all of a sudden I heard a deep voice say, "Good morning!" I let out the biggest scream! This has happened about three times already. He gets the biggest kick out of this. He suggested that maybe he should wear a bell. I found just the right one for him. Ad reads that it fits most dogs and cats. Hee hee. Jim says he doesn't want any pets and I do. Paybacks are hell, yes?
3. FINDING OUR CAR IN THE PARKING LOT. Yeah. We traded in Big Blue. It was a sad, sad day for Jim. One thing I have to admit about that truck......we NEVER lost it in the parking lot. We NEVER had to remember where we parked it because it stuck out like a sore thumb. Literally! It was bigger than ANY vehicle in the parking lot, unless there was a semi-truck or motorhome nearby! We became so used to not looking where we parked that it has become a detriment. We traded the truck in for a nondescript used Saturn. It is a silver, 4-door sedan. Looks like the bazillion other silver cars on the road. Therein lies the problem. I can't tell you how many times we've parked the car at a store, didn't give it a second thought, shopped, and then came out and tried to figure where the heck we parked. The worst incident happened last weekend. We went out to dinner with my sister and her friend. Jim had dropped me off at the door because we were running late. He parked the car then met us inside. After a great dinner, ONE GLASS OF WINE EACH, and a fun evening, we got up to leave. I mentioned to my sister that we had bought a new car. (figuratively speaking!) Jim said he had parked to the left, my sister said she parked to the right. We all walked to the left to see the car. Well, it wasn't there. Hmmm..... Jim walked a little farther up the aisle, and yep, you guessed it. Not there. My sister decided to get her car. In the meantime, Jim and I walked UP AND DOWN the aisles looking for our car. NOTHING. My sister pulled up with her car, and we hopped in. We drove around the parking lot looking for our car. Jim was adamant that someone stole our car. Ann's friend said, a little sarcastically I might add, "A 2008 Saturn?" It WAS kind of funny! Now let me say that this restaurant was situated in the middle of a HUGE parking lot. We FINALLY found the car on the completely OPPOSITE side that Jim thought the car was originally parked. How he got so turned around, I don't know. I'm happy we didn't end up calling the police - how embarrassing would THAT have been! Twenty minutes looking for our car and it's in the parking lot! I'd like to put something on the antenna so the car sticks out in the lot, but, uh, hello, no antenna? It's been so long since I've driven a regular car, since when did they stop making antennas? Our's has a little fish tail on the roof of the car. So short of constantly having a helium-filled balloon hanging out the window, I am SOL.
