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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Signs - Eat more Chicken!

I love this sign of a cow standing on another cow's back writing the words, "Eat mor chikin", sponsored by Chik-fil-A. The sign is both attention-grabbing AND cute!



For more fun signs, visit Lesley here.


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Armchair Book Review










Linda Castillo is fast becoming one of my favorite authors. This latest book in her Amish series, Her Last Breath, is the best so far. Kate Burkholder is the Chief of Police of Painter's Mill. Being ex-Amish is both a blessing and a detriment to her. She understands how things are in the Amish community; yet they shun her because she has left it. But Kate is there to do a job, and she is good at it. This story opens up with a devastating hit and run accident involving Paul Borntrager and his children. Paul's wife, Maggie, an old friend of Kate's, is beside herself with grief. Kate works day and night to figure out who is the culprit of the accident, and if it is indeed an "accident". What she discovers is startling.

Tomasetti, the FBI agent that Kate is involved with, is back in this story, too. I just want to shake Kate and say, "Don't you know a good thing when you see it?"

You won't be disappointed with this story!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Did you know....

Over the next few months I will be sharing with you some Fun Facts that I got from Mental Floss. My thoughts are in red below each fun fact.

FUN FACTS about animals and insects!!


After going into heat, an un-spayed female ferret can actually die if she does not mate. She will remain in heat until she mates, and if she does not, the excess estrogen will cause anemia and eventual death.
Thank GOD this doesn't happen to human females. Quick! I need sex now! It's a matter of LIFE or Death! 

When fruit flies inhale alcohol, the males will start to mate with each other, forming lines.
Similar to Friday night at a gay bar.

Waste from the Ben & Jerry's factory is given to farmers to feed their hogs. The hogs apparently love Cherry Garcia but dislike Mint Oreo.
There's waste from Ben and Jerry's? Where do I stand in line?

Pigs are no longer commonly employed to rustle up truffles; specially-trained dogs (who are equally adept at the job) have now taken their place.
Hell pigs don't care that they've lost their jobs. They're too busy eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream!

Crickets' ears are located on their front legs, a little below their knees.
"I can't hear you", said the old cricket. "Wait, let me uncross my legs. Ah, that's better!"

The hippopotamus is considered to be the most dangerous animal in Africa. Hippos kill more humans annually than lions, crocodiles, or snakes.
They knew what they were talking about when they named that game "Hungry, Hungry Hippos"! Child's game my ass!

Also called the Mexican Hairless Dog, the Xoloitzcuintli breed was used by Aztecs for companionship, and occasionally for lunch. Prized for their body heat (hence the lack of fur), Xolos are still used in Mexico as nature’s hot water bottles.

"Used for companionship and occasionally for lunch"? You're not my friend anymore, so now I'm going to eat you! At least there wouldn't be any hair in the food! KIDDING!!!!


The only mammals that don't have an umbilical scar, or "belly button," are the platypus and echidna. Unlike the rest of us mammalians, these two species lay eggs.
Too bad. I was wondering if a platypus had an "innie" or an "outie". What the hell is an echidna?
long beaked echidna sometimes known as "spiny anteaters"


The flashlight fish projects light that’s created by luminescent bacteria that live in the pockets below its eyes.
Imagine that! They can "see" bacteria! I only see the bags under my eyes!


Because of the angle at which its esophagus enters its stomach, the horse is physically unable to vomit.
Good to know. Because only "Mr. Ed" would be able to tell us that he had a stomachache.

Researchers believe that herring communicate with one another in a way humans would find repulsive: passing gas.
If my husband were a herring he'd have a lot to say.

The male giraffe determines a female's fertility by tasting her urine. If it passes the taste test, the courtship continues.
This would be so funny if it were true for humans. "Drink up, loverboy!"

A group of jellyfish is called a "smack."
So if you swam into a group of them in the ocean, would it be called a "smack-down"?

Fish cough.
And isn't it rude that their little fins aren't long enough to cover their mouth!

The aorta of a blue whale is large enough for a human to crawl through.
See Moby Dick.

The first cow to ride in an airplane was Elm Farm Ollie in 1930. Milk she gave in-flight was sealed in containers and parachuted down over St. Louis.
The first Milk Shake! And WHY was this cow in an airplane? She missed the bus.

The third right arm of a male octopus is more than an arm— it’s his reproductive organ.
Are you happy to see me, or is that just your arm?

The state fish of Hawaii is the humuhumunukunukuapua'a. The Hawaiian name roughly translates to "the fish with a pig-like nose." It's English name is the Reef Triggerfish.
Couldn't they just go with "Pig Nose Fish"?

Chickens with white ear lobes lay white eggs, whereas chickens with red ear lobes lay brown eggs.
Wait. Chickens have ears?

A giraffe has the same number of neck vertebrae as a human (7).
Seriously? If I had a neck as long as a giraffe, I'd be the right weight for my height! Finally!

Pandas are notoriously reluctant to mate in captivity. This has led breeders to create "panda porn"—videos of pandas copulating.

I will never be able to look at a cute, cuddly Panda bear without hearing the swanky 70's porn music playing in my head. "Aaand...ACTION!"

In 1916, an elephant named Mary was executed by hanging in Erwin, Tennessee, for killing its circus trainer. The prosecutors agreed upon hanging after they exhausted the possibilities of firing squad, electrocution, and dismemberment by train engines.
An elephant hanging? Seriously? That had to be mighty strong rope! They couldn't find a gun big enough to kill an elephant?

Elephants are the only mammal physically unable to jump. This is because of their enormous weight.
So THIS is why they don't play "Hopscotch"!

A group of rhinos is called a "crash."
Makes sense. This is the sound they make as they come "crashing" through the jungle.

The longest jellyfish on record measured 160 feet, more than half the length of a football field.
Who cares about Jaws! Imagine running into this sucker in the water?

All dogs are the same species, meaning that (notwithstanding the obvious physical challenge) a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard could procreate.
It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be pretty, but it COULD be done! I witnessed a Chihuahua mating with a German Shepherd. I should have taken a photo of the event, but I was too busy watching with my head tilted to the side saying, "WTF?"


Friday, July 26, 2013

Friday's Funnies #19




Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"


Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing
that holds society together.

Max Eastman

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I'm not the only addict in my family



I got such a response from my post, "My name is Pat. I am an addict," about my addiction to books in both reading them AND collecting them.

It's nice to know that there are other people out there who drink the Kool-Aid!

Snort!

You may wonder how my husband, Jim, fits into this picture. Do you feel sorry for him that he has to put up with my addiction?

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Why?

Because he is a fellow addict!

In fact, I think he is the one to blame for my addiction. As far as collecting the books, anyway.

My love for the library goes way back to when I was a young girl. But I don't remember collecting books until after I married Jim. Maybe it stems from this incident.

Jim was a divorced bachelor for 10 years before we married. We dated for two years before we got married. He never asked me back to his apartment and my mother was sure that he was married! Finally he asked me to come back to his place.

I knew why he put off asking me.

He lived pretty simple. A folding table in the kitchen with a lawn chair, a lawn chair in the living room with a TV, a futon in the bedroom on the floor.

And about 300 books. He built shelves across the whole wall of his apartment using 2 x 4's that he had stained a dark wood color.

When Jim and I got married we packed up his "furniture" and fit it in the back of my station wagon (yes, it was the 1980's!) But with all his books? Boxes and boxes of books! Took us several trips.

Jim's collection grew (some would say "like a fungus") and I began my own collection. We ended up with several bookshelves lined up in a row very much like in a library only they were in our basement. When we decided to hit the road in our RV and depart with a lot of our possessions, we ended up donating 650 books to the library!

650 books!

We STILL packed up probably 300 or 400 books. Which we now are grappling with and fumbling through.

Like I said.

My name is Pat. And I am an addict.

And I am married to one, too!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Friday's Funnies #18

This week I am poking fun at blondes. It's okay. I was one at one time. In fact, I moved up to fourth place as a trophy wife when I became blonde! I always say that I am a trophy wife.....it's just too bad that Jim won 5th place! Ha ha!














"Dear, if you're going to pad your bra with Kleenex,
take them out of the box first."






I believe that laughter is a language of God
and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

YAKOV SMIRNOFF

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Monday, July 15, 2013

My Name is Pat. I am an Addict.

I am addicted to books.

I first admitted my problem back in 2011.

I am not happy unless I am surrounded by books. Hardcover, paperback, e-books, you name it - I've got books in that form.

This is my current stack checked out from the library.


Six books came in for me at once at the library. I was in hog heaven. Or book heaven. My eyes glazed over and my heart palpitated a little when I checked out all my goodies. But then reality set in. I'd have to read two books a week for three weeks to knock all these babies out. So far I have been keeping up, BUT, just LOOK at the size of that Stephen King novel. GRANTED, it IS in large type, (only because I could get a copy faster), but that puppy is going to take more than a couple of days. Unless I never leave my armchair, don't shower, and just get up to use the bathroom.

But, it's not just library books. Here is a recently installed bookshelf. Approximately 85% of the books are mine.


Keep in mind that each shelf has a double row of books. Uh, yeah, that's a lot of books. I keep telling myself that I need to read one of  these books for every library book I read. Once I read a book from this shelf, I can get rid of it, unless it's one I want to keep. Don't ask me why. I don't know why.

THEN someone introduced me to bookbub.com. You get daily e-mails of deals on e-books. Almost every day they have a free book. So I just press that little button that reads, "download to my library", and wah-lah, I have an e-book waiting for me on my iPad, IF, by chance, I find myself with nothing to read. I have about 25 books sitting there for me.

I TOLD you I was an addict!

I subscribe to three different libraries that send me their Fiction and Non-Fiction best sellers list - WEEKLY. Okay, I will admit to that being a little much. I can probably unsubscribe to two of them!

I also subscribe to goodreads.com, amazon.com, and shelf-awareness.com, for book reviews, notices on upcoming releases, information on authors, etc.

Obsessed much? Yeah.

From all of the above notifications, I begin my lists of books that I want to read. Here are just some of them:


That is approximately 116 books per legal sized piece of paper (both sides). I have three pages there. That's 339 books listed. This is only one set of my lists! I have a large typed list, too, and other written ones. I will never enter the library saying, "Hmm.....I have no idea what to read!"

Maybe I can tell my story through these photos.

I need



I have so many books that they are falling off of the shelves.

I am so obsessed with books that I would think nothing of having a book light, a book bench,



a book mobile,


or even having the side of our building painted with books.


because I have tunnel vision,



and I am not happy unless I am surrounded by books.



What are you reading?

Friday, July 12, 2013

Friday's Funnies #17

Does anyone know why baby diapers are called "Luvs" and "Huggies" while old people diapers are called "Depends"?

Because if a baby craps in their pants, you are still gonna "Luv'em" and "Hug'em". But if an old person craps in their pants, will they still be "Luv'ed" or "Hugged"?



That "Depends" on if your ass is in the Will or not.




There was a bit of confusion at the Sporting goods store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!"


Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either
you laugh and suffer, or you got your beans or brains
on the ceiling.

WAVY GRAVY

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Signs - Hunting for a Photo

For months on end I have seen this sign on the side of the road as I drove to my daughter's home. I NEVER have my camera ready, or there is a truck or car blocking the area when I want to shoot the picture. Finally I was able to get a shot off while my husband was driving. Sorry for it not being crisp, but I was happy to finally get a photo of this sign.




I think the sign is very cool looking. I had no idea what "The Bone Shed" was all about. The smaller letters under the name of the store read, "Indoor Archery Range and Retail Store". This store is all about hunting. I guess the "bones" are of the animals that are hunted. Sorry, I'm not a hunter. Still like the sign, though!

For more signs, join Lesley here.