Friday, July 12, 2013

Friday's Funnies #17

Does anyone know why baby diapers are called "Luvs" and "Huggies" while old people diapers are called "Depends"?

Because if a baby craps in their pants, you are still gonna "Luv'em" and "Hug'em". But if an old person craps in their pants, will they still be "Luv'ed" or "Hugged"?

That "Depends" on if your ass is in the Will or not.

There was a bit of confusion at the Sporting goods store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!"

Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either
you laugh and suffer, or you got your beans or brains
on the ceiling.



Rae said...

Giggles. Thanks for the laughs.

Mike said...

I always say you know you're getting old when 'depends' goes from being a verb to being a noun.

Brian Miller said...

ha. i hope never to be depend-ant
just saying...diapers are so frigging expensive...i am still in relief over the boys getting out of them and its been like 6 years...ha

Adam said...

I like the diaper one

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I know I am getting older ...... got a Depends sample in the mail and instead of tossing it, I held it up to myself to see if it would fit.

JoJo said...

Nice quote by Wavy Gravy! I love him!!!

Gail said...

Parents should be grateful when they have boys. If the toilet paper doesn't put you in the poor house the tampons will.

I am glad to see Hubby slowed down enough for you to take pictures.

I have a warning on my blog just for you.

Eva Gallant said...

Good ones today! I'll be chuckling for the rest of the day!

Anonymous said...

The diaper one is so true it is almost scary! Hugs.

Lynn said...

I'm with O'Toole!

Liz said...

In the last one I was waiting for the gangster to mow them all down.

Thanks for the laughs.

Mama Zen said...

That second one cracked me up!

SquirrelQueen said...

All of these are funny but the last one got me to laugh out loud.
I love the Wavy Gravy quote.

Lynda said...

Funny stuff again but the quote at the end is excellent!