Friday, November 15, 2013

Friday's Funnies #36

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.  His wife, daughter, two sons, and nurse are with him.

"So", he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says,

"Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to
have accumulated all this property.”

Sarah replies, "Property? The schmuck has a paper route!"

photo credit: Steve Matzker

 A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, 
he sat down as the nurse said to him, "Congratulations, your wife has had quints, 
five big baby boys."

The redneck said, "I'm not surprised. I have a penis on me like a chimney."

The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They're
all black."

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."
So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

Let there be more joy and laughter
in your living.



Brian Miller said...

ha. yes, yes---that is cross enough....hahah

Adam said...

I like the newspaper one

JoJo said...

HAHAHA I liked the nun one!

Anonymous said...

Oh, are a character!

Liz A. said...

Great laughs. Thanks.

Gossip_Grl said...

Oh you are right! There is a lot of joy in laughter and loved these jokes! Thanks for the laugh after a rough day at work!