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Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday Funnies #14

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey Old Woman, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance….never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old woman, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toe blown off - started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s backside?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No Ma’am….But…I’ve always wanted to.”


THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:

1 - Never ever be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.


The Philosophy of Ambiguity (As Well as the Idiosyncrasies of English)

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for “synonym”?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Would a fly without wings be called a “walk”?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?





If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?








Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

One nice thing about egotists; they don’t talk about other people!

How is it possible to have a Civil War?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?




Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over
and showing it principally in one place.

Josh Billings

9 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Good ones!!!!

Brian Miller said...

haha...way to go old prospector lady...that will learn that young buck....ok boy, time to pucker up....smiles.

JoJo said...

Very cute! Have a great weekend!

Betty Manousos said...

wow, good ones!

happy weekend, dear pat.


i linked to you today!

xx

Liz said...

One should never waste ammunition.

Love these.

Adam said...

I always liked the mockery of a "civil" war. Reminds of a bit by George Carlin "excuse me, pardon me "loud noise" I'm awfully sorry!".

Lynda said...

Oh, Pat - - it is fun for us that you always come up with some good stuff on Friday. I dare a person to try not to smile at your Friday Funnies - - bet they can't do it.

Joyful said...

These are very funny. Thanks for making us laugh. Have a lovely weekend.

Mama Zen said...

I love that first joke!