I know all of my followers and readers come to my blog because of the wealth of knowledge I share with you on a number of eclectic subjects. Like when I wrote about "vodka soaked tampons", or "how to cut a pineapple", or what "burgoo" means; just to name a few.
Today I will not disappoint you. I am so anxious to share this bit of knowledge with you that I can hardly stand it.
There's a new book out entitled, "Toilet Yoga". Because sometimes sh*t doesn't happen.
So have you picked yourself up off of the floor yet?
Apparently, doing different yoga positions will help get things moving.
Here's a sample from the book.
This move is called "The Slider".
"Push off and let yourself go.(I don't think they literally mean "go" as in, er, poop.)
Proper positioning will encourage free motion through the twists and turns prior to exit." (i.e. sh*tting?)
"Straighten knees so feet are off the ground, extend arms in front parallel with legs. Hold for count of 10 and release. Repeat."
There is a warning posted on the page: "Slippery when wet. Not advisable after bathing."
Also has three toilets (out of five): Requires some core strength
Okay. So I'm the first to admit that I've never taken a yoga class; I don't know any of the positions. That position shown above doesn't seem too bad, and if sh*t happens, hey, that's great.
The web site only allows viewing of that one page of the book.
So I can only IMAGINE the other yoga positions.
Now this one isn't so bad.
I could sit there with my legs crossed (as if!) and IMAGINE myself pooping!
But this next position could be a LIT-TLE tricky!
You'd have to face the toilet tank. I guess you could always rest your feet on TOP of the toilet tank if you get tired.
Then there's this position.
This next position you'd have to do NEXT to the toilet. If I did this I'd be stuck in this position and I'd have to call Jim into the room to help me. He'd walk in, see my big naked butt in the air and say, "What the HELL are you doing?"
Lastly, if you could do this position on the FLOOR you should be congratulated, let alone on a toilet. And if you can do this position, I am SURE you are not suffering from any constipation problems. Just saying. I mean, is this woman related to Gumby or WHAT?
In conclusion, if you are interested in this book, it is available here.
There are even t-shirts available.
I'm just happy to report that my bathroom is teeny-tiny.
So there will be NO yoga happening in there. Although when I sit on the pot, I DO resemble this photo:
Only I'm not a dog.
And my legs aren't crossed.
And I usually have a magazine on my lap.
Other than that this looks exactly like me.
Just remember - toilet yoga - you heard it here first.