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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

From the "You've GOT to be Kidding Me" File



Okay everyone! I've cracked open the "You've got to be kidding me" file, and these are what fell out:

These shoes are NOT made for walking!
Christian Louboutin makes beautiful shoes, but, c'mon, THESE are ridiculous! These are 8-inch heels! Talk about a face plant! The only way I could wear these is if I were lying on the ground!



What's that smell....or not
Every once in awhile you may read a story of a person who has an odd pet. Or two.

Or fourteen.

And they are skunks.

You heard me.

Brenda and Don Hoch from Hudson, FL have owned skunks since 2006, and accept skunks from the local rescue. Florida is only one of two states that allow skunks for pets. Their scent glands are removed when they are 2-3 weeks old. Many skunks start out as pets and later are found abandoned along the road. Brenda and Don started accepting the little abandoned critters after they had purchased their first skunk at a pet shop.


Why a skunk as opposed to a cat?

Brenda said: "They're much more affectionate than a cat. They love to be held and petted. Plus they know how to use a litter box. Like a dog they will come when called by their name and understand simple commands. "They don't bark, however, or make much noise at all except for some growling at each other when it's dinner time. (The Sun)
Besides the 14 skunks, they also have 3 dogs -  2 greyhounds and one lab. The skunks have been known to cuddle up with the dogs and sleep.

Whatever floats your boat I guess!

Speaking of Odors....
Lucy McCrae of the Netherlands has teamed up with a synthetic biologist to created a pill to make your sweat smell nice.

No, really, I'm serious.

"Swallowable Parfum is a digestible scented capsule that emits a unique odor through your own perspiration," McCrae writes on her website. Every person will smell differently because of our genetic makeup.

Huh.

So when my husband tries to tell me there's a difference when he sweats - "clean" versus "stinky" sweat (obviously he's lost his sense of smell as he's gotten older), I can now pop a fragrance pill in his orange juice before he goes off to exercise so we can add a third version -  perfumed sweat!

You're putting what where?
Speaking of putting questionable things into your body, have you heard the latest craze that the youngun's have been up to?

It seems that teens are soaking tampons in vodka and inserting them in their, um, body cavities.



And - tampons are not just for girls anymore. Boys are doing it, too.

The advantages (if you want to call it that) of absorbing vodka through a body cavity versus drinking it?

a) no alcohol smell on the breath

b) supposedly no side effects of throwing up

c) the person gets drunk faster and the high is more intense because the alcohol is absorbed right into the blood stream instead of if a person were to DRINK the alcohol and it goes through the stomach and less alcohol is absorbed.

There have been cases of alcohol poisoning from this, and even if a teen is brought into the ER, doctors don't always think to look, um, below the waist for a problem.

A super sized tampon holds a shot of vodka. (In case you were wondering.)

I'm still wondering how anyone could insert a fully absorbed tampon; that would be like trying to push a wet noodle through a colander. Or something like that.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
Remember as a kid how you just couldn't wait for the ice cream truck to come through your neighborhood? You'd hear that familiar tinkle of that music and you'd yell, "The ice cream man! Ma! Can I buy some ice cream?"

You memba, right?

My how things have changed.

People will be screaming for the ice cream truck. But it will probably be just men.

That's because the women driving the truck are "scantily clad" and look like Playboy models. It's called the Aphrodisiac Ice Cream truck.


I know that "sex sells", but isn't this just wrong? I mean, selling flavors like "Chocolate 3sumVanilla Quickie" and "Aphrodisiac Orgy"? Geesh, they can sell them at $10 a pop and a guy wouldn't care as long as he was served by someone looking like that! But if that wasn't enough, there is even an ice cream shot that can be eaten right off one of the girls.

And then there are the stripper poles on top of the van.



Their web site states that the Aphrodisiac van is great for "crazy wild parties to family gatherings..."

I can see it now. A great addition to the grandma's birthday party.

Well, maybe it'd be more appropriate for GRANDPA'S. Get that ole thumper going faster!



And that's this edition of the "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

15 comments:

Nezzy said...

I've never ever seen an ice~cream man like that!!! Heeehehhee!

Girl you have the best eclectic humor over here!

Funny stuff!

God bless and have a marvelous day sweetie!!! :o)

WhisperingWriter said...

What kind of shoes are those? Holy crap!

Country Gal said...

Oh my gosh what will they think og next I am afraid to ask ! Good lord ! Loved the way you wrote this ! Have a wonderful day !

Brian Miller said...

no way on the tampons...too crazy...

my wife could probably wear those shoes...

B. WHITTINGTON said...

This post was hysterical. Loved the shoes but who the heck would wear them or could stand on them. Tampon soaked in vodka.
The world has truly gone mad.
Thanks for sharing these. I'd never have located them.
LOLLOLLOL.

kisatrtle said...

Strippers and ice cream trucks. We've officially lost it. Of course, we probably lost it as soon as we came up with the vodka tampon idea. That is um....disturbing

Fragrant Liar said...

Getting a skunk for a pet stinks! But they are really cute.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

wow. wow. wow.

i'm pretty speechless and that doesn't happen often.

Valerie said...

O-M-G... I've never seen or heard anything like these items. Ice cream van, soaked tampons, stupid shoes... after reading all that I'm definitely feeling my age. Pat, you should change your career, the way you write (humorously) is fantastic.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Who knew tampons could be used for getting a buzz! I am all about re-purposing, but my imagination has never gone there!

Erik's RV Blog said...

I'm kinda sitting here speechless, as Teresa says that doesn't happen often. I have no words....

Thanks for sharing though!

Erik

Betty Manousos@ Cut and Dry said...

oh my goodness, what kind of shoes are those! too funny! haha!

labbie1 said...

Ummmmmmmmm...

So many questions, so little answers...

But, really--HOW would you get the van under a bridge--and wouldn't the poles snag telephone and electrical wires? Just thinking...

Ah geez! I am NOT EVEN going to the tampons! Okay maybe a LITTLE...I guess that's one way to get the guy to go shopping for those huh?

I thought everyone's sweat already smelled different--in a really BAD way--well, except mine.

All of that makes the shoes and skunks seem downright NORMAL! LOL

Fun Pat!

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY said...

great post Pat :)
those shoes!!!
skunks...bloody hell wet dog is bad enough lol
the wet tampon has me stumped too..and takes the socialising out of the drinking...the picture is horrid otherwise............

Eva Gallant said...

I don't know how I missed this the first time you posted it, but I'm glad you posted the link! What a hoot!!! Thanks for the laughs! Gotta' go buy some tampons now...I haven't had a use for those in years!