Wednesday, September 22, 2010

lady gaga

Why is it that even though I have a closet full of clothes, I have nothing to wear?

True, I have to carry all seasons of clothes and stuff them in about three feet of closet space, so there's no room to spare. Throw out the clothes that don't fit me and I'm left with a handful of outfits.

Who knew that when I'm standing there in front of my closet in just my underwear and bra, contemplating what to wear, and coming up empty, that another alternative would be to look in the refridgerator?

You heard me.

Listen. If Lady Gaga can pull it off, why can't I?

Here she is at the Video Music Awards last week, wearing a Meat Dress.

Yes. That is all fresh meat. Cheap, but fresh, according to Peter Cacioppo, the butcher at Ottomanelli Brothers, who had the honors of cutting the meat for the dress. “There are no expensive cuts here, no real steaks. The best you've got is the flank steak on top of her head.”

The meat was 100% natural - no preservatives and was supposed to smell real nice. Yeah. If you like the scent of raw meat.

The dress weighed close to 50 pounds and Lady Gaga said it was the most comfortable dress she wore all evening.

Course this was one of the other dresses she wore.

That seems pretty tame for her. But get a load of her shoes.

Could you imagine trying to walk in these?

At least the meat dress shoes looked wearable. And, of course, they were tied up with butcher string and meat to match the dress.

I wonder if they put some kind of plastic down on the seat in the auditorium where Lady Gaga was sitting. Who'd want to sit there after her? Hopefully not someone with an aide dog. That dog would go crazy!

So, next time I'm looking for something to wear, I'm grabbing a bagel, smearing it with cream cheese and sticking them cheesy side down on my ta-tas. I can take a couple of pieces of bacon and slap them on to look like bra straps, and across my back. Now, what about the bottom half? This is the hard part. I know! I'll use tortillas!

(I'd better use burrito size!) Maybe I can staple along 1/3 of the each edge so they will stick together and layer them like a pleated skirt. Then I can staple them to my underwear. It would be a short skirt, but still cover the essentials.

Wow. Just think. My wardrobe expands every time I go grocery shopping! Just think of the possibilities! I can't wait to see what I can to with a carved out melon!

*FYI - I like Lady Gaga's music....Her fashion sense? Not so much!


Eva Gallant said...

That was good! I love it

That was a good one! lol

WhisperingWriter said...

Those shoes are crazy! I'd totally fall on my butt.

The meat dress made me want some bacon.

WhisperingWriter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian Miller said...

haha. wonder if i could pull it off in underwear and a bra and those

A New England Life said...

The woman is really starting to irritate me, to the point of where I don't like to listen to her music anymore. She seems to think that by wearing these ridiculous clothes that she'll draw attention to her causes, and music. I just think it's becoming tiresome and irritating.

Did you see any of her speech in Maine about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy? Oh my gosh, why they ever put her up there I'll never know. She sounded so stupid. Even George Stephanopoulos mentioned it on Good Morning America.

But you can wear food if you want. I'm sure your husband would be rather amused!

Anonymous said...

I adore her, but I must say this one was over the top even for about those cream cheese ta ta's... lol

Bonnie said...

A new way to make money as you travel the country. Hold demonstrations for supermarkets on how to market food as clothing. Never thought of being a model? Here's your chance. You could do a stand-up routine at the same time! Before you know it you'll be on David Letterman's crazy human stunts or whatever it is ...

Boomka said...

I actually wear live puppies as clothes. I just tape them to myself. And its cute AND warm in the winter.

becky said...

Oh, YOU just funny! DARE you to make the tortilla outfit & wear it for your next post.
that meat dress was grrooooosssss! yuckers!

Carletta said...

I had heard of her dress but hadn't seen it.
I'm gagging at Gaga I tell you. :)

Valerie said...

I feel kind of sick! The smell of raw meat puts me off anyway let alone have it plastered all over my body. I know ageing bodies need help but, hey, I ain't strong enough to pick up all the men who fainted at the mere smell of me....grins.

Aunt of 14 said...

When I first saw this meat outfit of Lady Gaga's... all I could think of was the SMELL! She must have STUNK like nothing else!

Sunny said...

LOL! You crack me up! I can just imagine you dressing ala pantry!
I heard that Lady Gaga was followed home by 150 dogs! (Just kidding!) but I do wonder where the USDA stamp was, LOL!
☼ Sunny

Gail said...

You have done it again!!! Now your comment makes sense.

I can just say, some people will do anything for the bucks. That dress could feed a family of four for two weeks!!!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

that was so funny! you bring words to life!

misslynda said...

I am so glad I discovered you on the blogs. You are funny! I like the idea someone gave of you doing supermarket demos with their food. About Gaga's wardrobe - - - do you notice that the more money some people have, the less sense they possess? - - - - - We enjoyed her music a lot when the TV show, GLEE, featured her songs.

Ed said...

Gaga is a freak.

But go ahead with your food wardrobe idea. Just make sure you post pics.

SquirrelQueen said...

While I don't particularly care for her music I have to admit she knows how to drawn attention and stay in the media. That dress really had to stink after a little while under those hot lights, ewwww!

Ruth said...

Frickin' unbelievable!

But I have liked the one song I heard her sing . . .

Just close my eyes.

Wendy said...

Pat, you crack me up!
Thanks for the laugh. I just wish i was as talented and smart as you!


Betty Manousos @ CUT AND DRY said...

The lizard shoe cracked me up!!
Thanks for the laugh, you rock!

B xx