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Friday, August 23, 2013

Friday's Funnies #23


I remember watching The Hollywood Squares game show growing up. It ran from 1966-1981 on American TV. You can read more about it here.

Here are just some of the great questions and answers from the show, when responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they were in the later years. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years..
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A.. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A.. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A.. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.


Charlie Weaver
Paul Lynde












Don Knotts

Rose Marie











Vincent Price
George Gobel


Marty Allen
Host - Peter Marshall














Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally
without having to go outdoors.

NORMAN COUSINS

14 comments:

Lynda said...

Those are funny. Of course I remember the show but didn't remember all those answers. And the pics of the people. I had forgotten about Marty Allen looking so "different". Good stuff again!

Eva Gallant said...

I remember the show, and I also remember some of those answers when I was watching! Paul Lynde was priceless!

Brian Miller said...

yes, please refrain from pointing and laughing...hahah...oh my...we used to watch that after school....

labbie1 said...

TOTALLY LOVED that show! These are too funny! :)

Have a great weekend--and shut the pantry door already! ;)

JoJo said...

I watched it too and as I read these I could hear their voices, esp. Rose Marie and her gesture quip. lol

Liz said...

My mother loved that show, so that meant we kids had to watch it, too. But we didn't mind.

Gail said...

This show was one of my favorites.

Lynn said...

I used to watch it with my grandpa. like many shows, the innuendos went right over a kid's head! I remember him laughing though.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You have to love the quick response--so witty!

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

The good old days! )))))

McGuffy Ann said...

Funny! I remember this show, and these very funny people. Thanks for the chuckle, as always.

Mike said...

Wow, what memories!

SquirrelQueen said...

I used to love that show especially in the early years with all of these folks.

in the coop said...

I loved watching that show, before everything was scripted, of course. So funny.