Friday, August 9, 2013

Friday's Funnies #21

How the Internet Started (according to the Bible)...

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, Large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators".

"YAHOO," said Abraham.

And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

 And that's the truth.

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.

"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

Sign found in a local bar:

Laughter is not a bad beginning for a
friendship, and it is the best ending for one.



Rae said...

Best laugh I've had in a really long time. Sure clears up a lot of questions I had about the internet. It all makes sense now. :)

JoJo said...

William of Gates. BAHAHAHAHA I loved that one and the blonde joke too!

Adam said...

funny sign

Lynn said...

Very good today!

Brian Miller said...

ha i am sending that first one to a few friends right now...ha, nice bathroom sign too....arent you glad we let you think that?

mary i said...

I just barely managed not spit through my nose!!! This is great. Love the "several saddle bags short of a camel load" My blond BF.will love the joke,heck she might even get it. Thanks for the share :)

labbie1 said...

Snorting my lemon water through the nose! At least I don't have to neti now! LOL Too funny! :)

Liz said...

So that's the difference between a nerd and a geek! I had always wondered.

SquirrelQueen said...

I love the blonde joke but it's the history of the internet that had me almost falling off my chair laughing.

Lynda said...

Oh, Pat - - You have definitely posted the funniest ones so far! Love the history of the internet!!!

DesertHen said...

And now we know the truth about the internet! Love it!

Love that sign too! Perfect!

Your new header is beautiful!

Al Penwasser said...

And lo, they begot (or...begetted...?) many, many, many children. But, verily, not with a donkey. For that would be an abomination unto the eyes of the Lord. And a pain in the ass for the donkey. Unless he dug it.
So let it be written.
So let pictures of it be available on the internet today.
Or in shops with names like "Adult World."

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

Haha, loved the story of the Internet.