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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Oxymoron Careers

The other day, as Jim and I were traveling down the road, I punched in a country station on our Sirius Satellite radio. After a few songs, the DJ came on and said a few words, and I noticed that he spoke with a slight lisp. I've heard this DJ before, and I remember that it bothered me then, too. Now, believe me, I'm not prejudiced against people with lisps. But, c'mon, don't you think this guy's in the wrong profession? He's a RADIO ANNOUNCER, for god sake! I found that the more he spoke, the more I honed in on his lisp and didn't really listen to what he had to say. Seriously, how could he get a job in this line of work?

Now, it's true that Lester Holt,



who is a famous TV news anchor for NBC and MSNBC, also has a slight lisp, but at least

a) I can LOOK at him while he's talking;

b) He's easy on the eyes; and

c) His lisp isn't so pronounced.

But as a radio announcer, when all you have going for you is your voice, I'm thinking this is a wrong match up. DJ with lisp.

Kind of like an oxymoron career.

Oxymoron comes from the Greek word "oxymora" which means sharp dull. It is a figure of speech that combines normally-contradictory terms. (source Wikipedia)

For example:

Found missing

Pretty Ugly

Freezer Burn

Sensitive Man (Sorry, just my opinion)

Jumbo Shrimp (My all-time favorite!)

So this got me thinking about other possible Oxymoron Careers or OC.

How about a midget little person working in a BIG and TALL MEN store?

I could just see it now.

Tall guy enters the store.

"Hi, can I help you?"

Tall guy looks around trying to find who's talking.

"Down here! What are you looking for today?"

"Uh, some shirts. But I don't know my size."

"No problem," says the salesperson. "I can measure you. Follow me."

So the two go off into the corner by the three sided mirror.

The little salesman has to pull a stepladder over to climb up and measure the tall man.

Nope, just can't see it happening.

How about an alcoholic working at a brewery? Wait, that's not an oxymoron - that's just DANGEROUS!

Okay, I'll try again.

How about a prostitute that hates sex?

Or a thin girl working at Lane Bryant? (biatch!)

An introvert at a customer service counter.

A dyslexic librarian? Oh, no, wait, an illiterate librarian. Okay I know that's pretty much impossible but it's my post so let me be.

My daughter was on the track team in high school. One of her coaches was very fat, and drove around in a golf cart on the field! Fat track coach - yep! OC

A farmer with a black thumb?

An anorexic who loves to cook?

An optometrist who is blind as a bat?

And finally, how about a sadist dentist? I had to have two crowns put in one time, and as my dentist was fitting the temporary crowns on, I was just about jumping out of the chair because he was touching on some exposed nerves.

I asked him, "By any chance, did you ever see the movie, "Marathon Man" with Dustin Hoffman?"

(There is a particular "dentist" scene.)

My dentist replied, laughingly, "Are you kidding me? That's what made me decide to become a dentist!"

Yeah. Sadist Dentist. OC

Watch this clip from the movie, if you dare!

12 comments:

Bonnie said...

Well done! You've been doing some serious musing while on the road!

Steven Anthony said...

Have you ever seen the jonothan Ross show? He says things like Wascally wabbit ;)

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style

Gail said...

That's what made him want to be a dentist???? I remember that scene, it made me terrified of dentists.

Missy said...

You are so funny! Love this post! LOL

Brian Miller said...

hey! no sensitive men..you almost made me cry...smiles.

are there good dentists out there?

Eva Gallant said...

I thought all dentists were sadists!

Valerie said...

I was going to mentiion dentists and Jonathan Ross... but others beat me to it. Loved this funny, funny post, Pat.

Sunny said...

How about a diabetic working in a candy store?
Your post brightened up my day :)
☼ Sunny

Bossy Betty said...

Love your observations about oxymorons!

misslynda said...

I had a dentist like that when I was in elementary school. When I saw that scene in the movie, I almost passed out in the movie theater - - - broke out in a cold sweat. I finally discovered a pain-free dentist - -- - a year before he retired!

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

Thanks for the laugh!! I can always count on you!

The DJ with a lisp would bother me too. In fact, I turn the station if I can't stand their voice! Much less one with a lisp!!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Wow how did I miss this post?
Love this one! You're so funny!
You never fail to make me laugh.

B xx