Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Open Wide Please

Jim came home from the dentist today, after having some work done. His mouth stayed numb for hours afterward.

"Boy, he must be using some new stuff! That sucker is powerful!" In fact, Jim didn't even eat lunch because his lips were too numb.

I wonder if the dentist could shoot this stuff into MY gums like, say, every OTHER day, perhaps?

Jim had to get one of his old fillings replaced. It's going to be a sad day when that happens to me, 'cause I have a LOT of silver fillings. And they are back from when I was a kid.

I have a gap between my front teeth - not proud of it, but that's the facts. My mother used to reassure me that my teeth would eventually grow together. Okay, Ma, I'm soon to be 55, and they're yet to be touching, so exactly how LONG do I have to wait?

It seems the problem is that I am missing another adult tooth somewhere along the line that would have smooshed (I think that's the actual technical term, too) the two front teeth together. Damn! One dentist went so far as to tell me that it's because of my Mediterranean background that I'm missing a tooth. Really? Huh. Both my kids are missing a tooth, too, so I know it is hereditary, but I don't know who the heck I got it from.

I don't have a very good history with dentists. When I was a kid, I used to walk to the dentist every Saturday. He'd take one good look at my teeth and say, "Come back next week." He claimed I was too young for braces. Yeah, right. I was 13 years old and he STILL said that!

The only good thing about going to him was that he gave out good toys. I remember getting a plastic wiener dog that was cut in half, and each half was attached to a plastic case with a toothbrush inside. I didn't care about the toothbrush (obviously with all my fillings!), but I could stick the two pieces of the dog together and have one complete dog to play with!

When I was an adult I remember going to a dentist named Dr. Wiener. I actually think his name was pronounced "weener" and not "winer"! Well, Dr. Wiener may have looked experienced with his salt and pepper hair, but something tells me that he just recently got his license to practice.

I went directly from work to my appointment. I was wearing a dress. The first incident that caused me to wonder about the ole Doc was when he was using one of the tools and the cord came between my legs and started pulling my dress up. I kept pulling my dress back down with my hand.

Then when he started "buffing" my teeth with that bumpy, rubbery thing, he DROPPED it on my chest and it when flying all over the place while he tried to grab it.

Hey, wait a minute. Now that I'm typing this, it sounds like he was a dirty old dentist, doesn't it. Damn! I may have been young and naive at the time, but I was smart enough not to go back to him again!

Time moved on, I grew older, and my friend recommend these two dentists to me. One was more good looking that the other. I sat in the chair, glanced up in the drop-dead gorgeous dentist's blue eyes, and when he said, "Open wide", while he pushed the button to recline my chair, I thought, "Now we're talking!"

But that was a short lived affair. One day my then 10 year-old son jumped off a railing at school and chipped his front tooth. The nerve was exposed and he needed immediate attention. The cute dentists couldn't "fit us in", so we called around till we found someone who could, and have been going to that dentist for the past 20 years.

He may not be as cute as the other guys, but he and his office staff treat me with kid gloves on. I have a significant gag reflex, and can't stand any kind of cloth or cotton near or IN my mouth. Oh yeah, I'm a barrel of laughs. But all this info is written on my chart and they respect me and my phobias. Sure, after I leave they probably suck on some of that laughing gas and then make gagging noises and shove cotton in their mouths and mimic me, but what I don't know won't hurt me. La-la-la-la-la *sticking fingers in my ears*


Eva Gallant said...

I dislike and distrust dentists; the ones I have dealt with all seem to be after all the money they can get you to part with!

Anonymous said...

dentist scare me...enough said ;)

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style
Life in the fish bowl

Brian Miller said...

me and dentists dont may remember my piece on my dentist....dr malice...plastic toy weiners or not...smiles.

Missy said...

I love dentists that give good toys when its over! LOL

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Funny Pat! Last summer I quit our long-time dentist b/c he had all new office staff and they laughed at me when I said I would throw up if they used that minty-sweet gunk to clean my teeth. The old hygienist kept some non=flavored for me (after an unfortunnate incident years ago). When they laughed I just got up out of the chair and walked out! I'm too old for that kinda' nonsense.

The receptionist came running after me apologizing -- but we found a new dentist!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

you sound like me with dentist luck. i have a very strong gag reflex, too and can't stand to have utensils, that toothpaste crap, the gauze stuff, or anything else in there. i can - and have - spit utensils right back out.

plus, my gum line is very sensitive (and that's with using desensitizing toothpaste) and if the hygienist doesn't list to me when i say "don't touch that" she understands when i jump out of my skin.

Carletta said...

Reading your post and the previous comments is it any wonder any of us go to the dentist! :)
I have lots of silver in my mouth. Unfortunately my parents didn't take great pains in taking me to the dentist except when it was necessary and far too late so lots of pain at every visit. I had one very nice looking dentist years ago that when I needed a crown he himself made the impression because the nurses were afraid I was going to throw up on them because of my gag reflex.
You say you have a gap, so do I and I prefer to think it gives me charm. And hey, we're right up there with Lauren Hutton!

Valerie said...

Thank goodness I'm past all that, but the memories linger still. My problem wasn't a missing tooth, it was having one tooth too many. Of course it was eventually removed and I was told the gap would disappear when the other teeth 'spread out' ... as if. Consequently, you guessed it, I had a phobia about smiling for the rest of my days.

becky said...

I hate going to the dentist!!!! Partly because I've had some HORRIBLE experiences... root canals... hours in the chair with them drilling away.... and partly because I can't seem to get out of there without them wanting like 2 thousand dollars or something...

Oh, hey, I've got the space between my two front teeth too... one dentist recommended I get it filled in cosmetically, said it would look better. Whatever, dude... I like my space.. it's part of what makes me, me.

Meeko Fabulous said...

I freakin' love my dentist! It may have something to do with the fact that he gives me a little sleeping pill and a couple sniffs of laughing gas before any procedure . . . but hey . . . It's getting done, right?

WhisperingWriter said...

I also have a gag reflex so I'm sure I annoy my dentist. I gag like every two seconds and he's all, "Okay, I'll wait."

Ruth said...

Hey, Don is 55 and he has a gap. To fix his, they would have had to cut his jaw and restructure it. Yep. We think his gap is charming, and he would be no one without it.

I, too, have a mouth full of silver because of spending my childhood at the dentist. I just got one jaw replaced with pretty white fillings, but when he started working on that line of molars, c-r-a-c-k, and guess what, a triple crown, and I ain't talkin' about the horse races, honey. So I'm not too anxious to go back for the other three lines of molars. I just hope they hold up.

Now YOU c-r-a-c-k me up.

Gail said...

Dustin Hoffman made me love dentists.

Karen said...

I guess I'm not the only one who has had a terrible dentist as a kid! I don't know what he shot into my gums but it wasn't anything that numbed my poor mouth. I white-knuckled it through every appointment with that guy, and I had a lot of them. He ended up in prison some years later - for tax evasion - but his dental practice was the real crime! :)

Nancy said...

I just spent 1.5 hours in the hygienist's chair yesterday. I think she keeps me extra long to make more money. I don't think we should have to PAY to have someone scrape metal things on our teeth and make them sensitive for days. Just saying.

f8hasit said...

I LIKE to go get my teeth cleaned. But can't stand to have any other work done. Which is probably why I get my teeth cleaned so I don't have to ever go and get a filling!!


Anthony said...

I lost my lower left inscissor when I was eight. I had a slight crack I gained during an elementary hockey game in Tenesee.
I was happy for I was accompanied to the clinic by three student dentists. Hixson Elementary transferred me to a nearby clinic because dentists there were really great.
I did not remember all the details, but I am recalling it through my Mom's stories. Anyway, I felt a happy relation to your teeth story. Happy blogging!

Allen said...

Hey Pat,

I too just went to the dentist. Actually I went to 3 of them cause the first two told me I needed a root-canal. The third one said no, I can fix it. (recommended by a friend)

He was cute too. But he fixed my tooth and yeah they have new numbing stuff. I was numb for hours too. But not as many shots. He only shot me twice with the stuff.

Have a great weekend.

SquirrelQueen said...

You are so lucky to have found a great dentist. I'm a member of the group that hates them due to various bad experiences through the years. I keep trying to find a good one but so far no luck.

Louis la Vache said...

Yes, just before Jim's visit to the dentist, Dr. Turbodrill was seen at Home Depot looking at drill bits. The clerk asked if he could assist. Dr. Turbodrill pointed to a drill bit that was 1.5" in diameter and 12" long. The clerk said, "But you're the local dentist and this is a masonry bit!" Dr. Turbodrill rubbed his hands together and said, "I know! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!! Jim is coming to my offfice tomorrow! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!! "