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Monday, June 7, 2010

Part Two: Ribbit! Or Frog Legs for Dinner!

It was another morning of doing laundry and again I spied movement in the infamous window well.



Lots of movement.

There were about 20-30 little frogs hopping around down there.



Photo courtesy of http://allaboutfrogs.org

"Oh no!" I thought. "How are they going to get out of there? They are trapped! If I don't RESCUE them, they will DIE!"

OPERATION GREEN FROG

So I donned my red cape, metal cupped bra, blue panties and red go-go boots, (okay maybe the outfit was all in my mind,) and grabbed one of the kid's sand pails, and marched determinedly to "the hole."

With experience under my belt (see my last post) I felt no trepidation as I looked down the hole at all those tiny green babies whose lives were depending on ME, Wonder Woman, to save them.

Dut-dut-dut-DAH!



(They never DID ask permission to put Lynda Carter's head on my body for this picture!)

My thoughts were to gather the frogs into the bucket, then empty the bucket in the open field behind my house. Freedom for the little frogs and I'm a hero, or really, a legend in my own mind.

I jumped into the hole and started scooping up the little froggies, WITH MY BARE HANDS, I might add, and tossing them in the bucket.

Well, those little suckers didn't appreciate my effort 'cause they were jumping out as fast as I was putting them in, like sailors abandoning a sinking ship.

C'mon, didn't they realize I was trying to SAVE them, damn it?

I tried the old "scoop-and-dump-into-the-bucket" rescue a couple more times, and those green imbecilic amphibians were not going for it. Well, my momma didn't raise a dummy, (SHUT.UP.), so I stopped that rescue effort and moved on to the next best thing.....

I scooped the little idiots up and began flinging them out onto the lawn. Hey, if they hopped back into the hole, it was their suicide, you know?

I didn't have to worry about that, though.

You know why?

They probably died a more bloodier death.

How do I know?

Well, I don't know for sure. I'm guessing.

Because right after I tossed handful after handful of baby frogs onto the grass, (I can't throw very far - I throw like a GIRL), my neighbor came by with his LAWNMOWER and cut his grass.

Yeah.

So death by sling-blade.

Not this one.



(Billy Bob Thorton playing Karl Childers in Sling Blade)
photo courtesy of top100actors.webs.com/3140.htm

But by my slinging, and the neighbor's blade. *sigh* I did try, though. Really.

19 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo....poor froggy, but bravo for you and your effort ;)

Mary said...

Oh yukkkk, I'll be seeing froggys all night! Cute story tho!

Brian Miller said...

awww....poor froggys! i had a pet frog as a kid...

Gail said...

What's red and green and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender!

See what lovely memories you brought to light.

misslynda said...

Yuck - - touching frogs with your bare hands! Have you thought about making that window well into an Alfred Hitchcock weekly series? The suspense of wondering if the animal will be rescued - - - and then what seems to be a happy ending actually turns into a gruesome murder - - squished by cars or slice-and-dice with the lawnmower! It sounds like some of his old shows, doesn't it?

Allen said...

That is so funny and brave of you. Did you even wash your hands afterwards. eww warts.

I was thinking about wonder woman just the other day.

Jingle said...

frogs are healthy for plants pets...
thank you for the fun though...
Happy Monday!

Donna B said...

You are a frog angel...and what a story they had to tell! Pat, please stop by my blog...I have something for you.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

OMG - you are such a hoot! I thought you were going to tell us you spied those little green things and decided to have frog legs for dinner!

WhisperingWriter said...

I'm not sure if I could touch a frog. *Shudders*

GlenS筱財 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mama Zen said...

Oh, this is hilarious! Reminds me of the time I had to rescue a salamander from the garbage disposal.

Melissa B. said...

Oh, gracious...that's a terror of a tale!

Nancy said...

Oh, poor little froggies! We have a bunch of very loud ones in the waterfall at our new home. They are really loud until I walk outside and then they go mute...

I like that you did your best to save them. Good energy!

Bossy Betty said...

Well, you tried and I can only hope you wore an outfit just like Wonder Woman's as you did!

SquirrelQueen said...

Oh well, at least you tried. It did give you an excuse to don the Wonder Woman outfit, I always liked those boots.

Carletta said...

I just love your humor in telling a story!
I wouldn't have touched those little guys - they would have died in the hole.

Wanderlust said...

OMG, we get froggies in our window well too and my husband is forever rescuing them (though he doesn't cut them to bits afterwards, I reckon). What is up with these little guys?

Wanderlust said...

P.S. Oh, and looking pretty hot there in your metal-cupped bra. Just don't stay out in the sun too long (ouchie!).