Friday, March 8, 2013

Friday's Funnies #7

John went to visit his 90 year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?'“

His grandfather replied, “They're as clean as cold water can get 'em.  Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'“

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?'“

Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'“

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said,  “Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, “Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!”

Meet Coldwater!

I got an extra laugh out of this joke because my husband forwarded it to me. He usually washes our supper dishes, and I usually complain that the water isn't hot enough! 

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The old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man," he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir." the young man replied. "I'm the Census Taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered. "You're wasting your time with me, I have no idea."

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I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.  Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp. I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.

Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that darn snake...with two more frogs.

Life is good in the South.

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When people are laughing, they generally aren't killing each other.
Alan Alda


the island guy said...

Enjoyed the jokes :) Love our blog <3

SquirrelQueen said...

LOL! These are all great. Thanks for the laughs Pat.

Banker Chick said...

A good laugh this Friday morning, I love when jokes are told as personal truth, makes them funnier.

Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

Brian Miller said... is good in the south...and not a bad trade for a snake...smiles..

Adam said...

lol at coldwater

Eva Gallant said...

thanks for the chuckles!

Lois Evensen said...

LOVE the Coldwater joke! Many years ago I (kiddingly) told my Mom who was just finishing her dessert at my dining room table, that I just put the dinner dishes on the floor for Princess to lick them clean, then I can put them back in the cupboard. "Really!" she said. She put down here fork and didn't eat another bite. Of course, I tried to explain that the dishes are really washed in the dishwasher set on sanitemp, but that didn't make her feel a whole lot better. ;) She has been gone since 1975, but we still have a good time with that one.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

funny! I will have to share these with he who tows ....... I just hope he doesn't try the snake trick!

Snowflake said...

Thanks for the laughs, especially "cold water"!!!

Diane J Standiford said...

What a fun blog and thx for the laughs. Peace, Diane

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Good stuff Pat! Bill and I both laughed, especially the cottonmouth one.

Lynda said...

Pat - - Those are funny!!! Thank you for sharing them. I really enjoyed them - - even if it's past Friday!