Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one.
"Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms.
They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree", said the first one.
"Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."
Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ole said, “I vish ve had somethin ta drink!”
Sven says, “Me too. Y’know, I hear you can drink dat yet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?”
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
The phone rang. It was Sven who asks “How iss you feelin dis mornin?”
Ole says, “I feel great. How bout you?”
Sven says, “I feel great, too. Ya don’t have no hangover?”
Ole says, “No dat yet fuel iss great stuff — no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often.”
Sven agreed.”Yeah, vell, but dere’s yust vun ting.”
Ole asked, “Vat’s dat?”
Sven questioned, “Haff you farted yet?”
Ole stopped to think. “No ”
“Vell, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Iowa!”
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.