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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

You may recall in an earlier blog, I shared my stupidity with you. Read it HERE.

http://pat-aviewfromtheedge.blogspot.com/2009/06/wiser-with-age.html

Here's a stupid story I'd like to share with you all. Back about 20+ years ago when we lived in Virginia, I did my grocery shopping at a food store that didn't allow you to take your grocery cart to your car. I KNOW!! To prevent the customer from doing this, they had a wrought iron fence surrounding the front of the store, with a wide enough area to fit a person to walk through, but not a cart. The carts had small metal license plates attached to the front of them with numbers on the plates. When the cashier handed you the receipt, she wrote down your "license plate number" on the back. Then you pushed your cart outside, left it filled with all your purchases in the cart corral, and went to get the car. Once you pulled up to the front of the store, you'd show your receipt with your plate number to the bagger and then he'd load your groceries into the back of your car. It took some getting used to, but it was nice to have your groceries loaded into the car. One day I did a full load of food shopping. My cart was filled to the brim and then some. I pushed the heavily laden cart as far as the fence, and clutching the receipt with my "plate" number in my hand, I walked all the way to the end of the parking lot to get into my car. I threw the receipt on the seat of the car, put the car in reverse, and for whatever reason, DROVE ALL THE WAY HOME! YEP! I pulled in the driveway, popped the trunk and said, "What the heck?!" Yikes! I forgot the groceries! Try explaining that to the husband! I dashed back into the car and drove like a madwoman back to the store. There stood my lonely cart, still filled to the brim with all my goodies. The bagger didn't have to know that I took the long route - he was just happy to load the groceries and be done with it.

One time, when my kids were probably 10 & 12, we were on a vacation in Colorado. We stopped at a little cafe and I read the menu that was posted up on the wall. It read, "Hot Dogs $1.00, Burgers $2.50, lett-tom .25 cents. I have to tell you, for a second, ONLY a second, I wondered, "What the heck are Lett-toms?" Then I realized it meant lettuce and tomato. I laughed to myself and then was STUPID enough to share this little nugget with my family. To this day, it is a family joke. "What is a lett-tom, Mom?"

Back in April, Jim and I drove up the Natchez Trace. One of the spots we stopped was where Meriwether Lewis is buried. Did you know he killed himself? On my birthday, no less. Anyhoo, there is a large stone memorial marking his grave site. I took a picture of it from a distance, than began walking towards it. I was trying to read it, but I couldn't exactly make out the words. It said, "Born near Charlottesville, VA in August 18, 1774, died October 11, 1809, and here's the part where it gets fuzzy. From here I thought it said, "A good 35 years." As I got closer I noticed it didn't say "a good" but "a ged". Now I'm thinking....A ged? I EVEN ask my husband. What is an a ged? He turned around and looked at me incredulously and answered dryly, "AGED?" I started laughing so hard! Now folks - look at the picture. Click on it to make it bigger. You will see that the letter "A" is separated from the "GED" so you can see how I was led astray. Can't you?






For the past 10 years or so, I've noticed that I've been having problems coming up with the right word when I'm trying to talk. If I'm lucky I'll say a word that BEGINS with the SAME LETTER as the word I wanted to use. For instance, if I wanted my husband to hand me a pillow, I might say, "Please hand me the pickle." It's almost as if I have a dictionary in my head and I'm flipping the pages looking for the right word, but I've skipped over too many or too few of pages. Sooo, maybe you all remember the movie "10" with Bo Derek?



There was a scene in the movie with Dudley Moore,



where they make love to the music of Bolero playing in the background. Everybody was running out and buying that music after that. One day Jim and I were driving home after just buying our Christmas tree. We had on a classical radio station and "Bolero" came on the radio. I said to Jim, "Quick! Hurry home! Let's make love! Let's pretend you're Dudley Moore and I'll be BEAU BRIDGES!!" (I got the Bo right at least!) I looked at the odd look on Jim's face. "What? This doesn't turn you on?" In an instant I realized my mistake and we both roared. Yep, life around me sure is exciting.



4 comments:

Ruth said...

That is fricking hilarious.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, I think I wet myself.....

And not in a good way!

You made me laugh so hard one of my sick ears popped. It hurt like crazy, but I kept laughing. Those testicles in my throat are bouncing up and down and hurt so bad (good?)!

~ Melody ~ said...

LOL *snort*

I'll simply ditto Ruth's comment and add that you've made me feel less alone in my declining-brain-state.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

I am so glad I found you and Kathy's Klothesline. Your antics totally help me get through the days sometimes. This was too funny. We have what my husband likes to call the "over 50" stuff - eyes, ears, brain, joints, etc. Everytime one of us does something like that, he'll say that's what happens when you get over 50. He tried it with over 40 but that didn't fly.

I can hardly wait for the over 60 stuff. He's already there so I am experiencing it first-hand. Ugh! LOL LOL LOL!!!