Saturday, July 11, 2009

It Ain't Easy Being Me

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?”

Albert Einstein

We all have our idiosyncrasies. I just wonder if I have more than you. For starters, I don’t really like to touch door knobs, especially going into a restaurant. My husband, Jim, knows this, so he makes sure that he always gets the door for me. You can imagine the whole public restroom issue – I either keep a paper towel with me to open the bathroom door, pull my sleeve down, or my shirt UP, to open the door.

I have to sit in the exact middle seat in a row at the movie theater. I actually count the seats to be sure I am in the middle. Jim is very tolerant of this – he patiently stands behind me, holding the popcorn, waiting for me to plop my butt down so he knows where to sit.

I am forever checking things that I just put in my purse. For instance, I turn the truck off, throw the keys in my purse, zip up my purse, and then think, “Did I put the keys in my purse? I better check.” EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I JUST PUT THEM IN THERE. But lo and behold, I must open my purse, and be sure the keys are in there. The same goes with my debit card or any other credit card. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME? (Can you say obsessive/compulsive?)

You know when people use their napkin to wipe their teeth? Yikes! I can hardly even TYPE that let alone witness that! That is the same to me as hearing fingernails scrape on the blackboard. (Boy is THAT a blast from the past!) I hate it so much so that my dental hygienist and dentist know not to come near me with any kind of gauze or cotton near my mouth. They don’t want me freaking out. In fact, it is written on my chart! Probably right next to the caption “crazy lady”.

I have really good hearing. Too good, in fact. When I was little, my mom took me for a physical. The doctor told her that my hearing was so good that it would probably cause me to have a nervous breakdown when I got older! To give you an idea of just how good my hearing is…..I could hear my first husband BLINK. But he had really wet eyes. So, to me, it sounded like someone smacking their lips. Can you imagine living with someone like me? It ain’t easy. Jim likes to make noises. For no reason. He drinks a lot of pop. From a can. He likes to rub his finger along the top of the metal can. This makes me want to howl like a freaking coyote at the full moon. Or else he likes to “click” the can since the aluminum is so soft, by squeezing the can, then releasing. Squeeze. Release. Do you want to know what I want to do to his neck? Squeeze. Release. Squeeze. Release. Jim also loves to whistle. WHISTLE. Why? For what reason? This hurts my ears so much. He’ll whistle every so often and either I have to smack him or just give him the evil eye and he’ll shut up. But he has got me back. He went out and bought a psaltery. Oh. Yes. And right now it sounds like a cat in heat. I have blood dripping from my ears.

I live in a world of my own, but you're welcome to visit.


Rae said...

Oh how I understand everything you say. I am exactly the same way. We all have our idiosyncracies, just some more than others.

I think men enjoy being annoyances. At least mine does. If he can make something click, snap, or pop to drive me crazy he will do it.

This was funny. Love how you write.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I also hear everything (or I did before the whole ear infection episode) and The sound of my husband SWALLOWING when I am trying to go to sleep makes me a tad bit insane.

Pat said...

I am SO happy that I am not alone. I mean, I know that one of my sisters is like me - in fact, SHE can hear a dog whistle! Yesterday we were together and one of her grandchildren came into the kitchen blowing on a harmonica. I thought we both were going to bust into tears! LOL!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

You have done me such a service. I can show this to my husband to prove that he is not the only one who has a wife with super-human hearing powers. I used to ask him to stop doing whatever it was, but I have decided the annoyance is MY problem and I have to deal with it. So I take a deep breath, try (not easy) to concentrate on something else, or I leave the room. He has to be allowed to swallow, blink and break - poor man. There is a book " .. . . . of Highly Sensitve People" - sorry can't recall the full title. But I found it affirming of my quirkiness and full of SELF-management techniques.

You are tooooo funny!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Me again. Meant to type "breathe" but typed "break" - hmmmmm freudian slip telling me what I was doing to the poor guy . . . ??

Jo said...

You know what? You're exactly like me. I have a co-worker who wears her access pass around her neck. It is plastic, and she also wears a key around her neck. And she never stops running around, so that the key clacks against the plastic access pass -- clack, clack, clack -- all day long. By 3:00 in the afternoon, I want to strangle her with it. *heh*

Valerie said...

Goodness, I thought I was the only one with idiosyncacies. They're too numerous to list on here but I promise you they exist. Loved this post.

Nancy said...

Your hearing is amazing. Hearing someone blink? Even with wet eyes that's pretty incredible! LOL!

meggie said...

Good grief! what is a psaltery? I take it it must be that instrument in your man's hands, but I have never 'heard' one- nor of one?
How on earth do you manage to live in such close quarters?
Gom used to whistle- never any tune. His boss at work asked him to stop!

Pat said...

Bonnie - is one of those self-management techniques listed in that book walking around with cotton balls stuck in your ears? LOL!

Jo - I can only think of a quote from the movie, "The Little Mermaid," "Somebody's got to nail that girl's fins to da floor!"

Val - C'mon spill the beans. Tell us something!

Nancy - It's a curse, I tell ya! One time I was sitting in a writer's class and could hardly concentrate because my pop was fizzing so much from my can! Granted, it was quiet in the classroom, but still!

Meggie - Thanks for stopping by. I had never heard of a psaltry, either, till we met someone at a campground who played one. As for living in such close quarters? Hoo-boy it can be hard. Luckily it's a large trailer and Jim usually spends his time in the living room area which has a sliding door that I can SHUT when the TV is too LOUD (all the time). I either sit at the kitchen table with the laptop, or up in the bedroom watching tv, or outside. It took some getting used to, but after four years it's working. Don't get me wrong, there are still some BAD days, but the majority of times it is ok.

WhisperingWriter said...

Woah! You can hear someone blink? That's actually pretty cool.

SquirrelQueen said...

And I thought I had really good hearing but hearing someone blink, wow I'm not that good.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who had never heard of a psaltry. Very interesting looking instrument.

Have a great day Pat.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

I loved this post! I am totally with you on some of these things. My husband knows that if we're out to eat somewhere and there's not extra napkins for me to lay my silverware on, he'll just give me his. Food touches the table... it doesn't touch my lips. Waitress touches the top of my glass/cup... it doesn't touch my lips.

I don't open doors with my bare hands (especially bathroom doors) and I've even gotten him in the habit of using a paper towel on the door handle.

I have several idiosyncrasies - too many to list here. LOL!

I only have hearing in one ear (lost the hearing in the other rather suddenly due to Meniere's Disease) but sometimes that one ear drives me batty. I have to sleep on that side to block out night noises that keep me awake. Before my interal alarm clock started going off every morning, I'd hear the "click" of the radio alarm before the music started.

I can't stand to hear people chew - even though I know that I have loud jaws myself (TMJ problems). My own loudness makes me doubly aware of others. Total PITA (pain in the ...).

You sound so much like me...