Friday's Funnies #5

Simple Truths & Rules

SIMPLE TRUTH #1

Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH #2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?“

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,“ I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?“ he asked.

'“Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”

“Is that so!” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'“

FORGET THE SHRINKS..

HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!

 

Have a great weekend everyone!