How to have a voice like Kathleen Turner's without even trying

My bed has been my haven for the past few days. I'd like to say I was, ahem, busy making my trailer rock, *wiggling eyebrows*, but that would have taken too much energy. I got hit with this terrible cold, cough, hacking-up-a-lung, forever-blowing-my-ever-dripping-schnoz, feeling-like-I'm-swallowing-razor-blades, sounding-like-I-smoked-2-packs-of-Marlboro's-a-day-voice illness.

It hasn't been pretty.

At night I sleep in the recliner so a) my head is raised and I don't cough as much; and b) so I don't keep my husband up all night with my coughing (at least ONE of us can sleep!)

By day I crawl into the bed and doze, or read, or watch TV. Temperatures the past couple of days have been in the high 80's with humidity to match. It's been miserable. Sometimes it's hard for the trailer's a/c to keep up. But the bedroom is always nice and cool. I keep the shades drawn; the sheets are cool. Nothing feels better to someone who's running a mild temperature. A king sized bed feels REALLY big when you're the only one in it!



(Note the book, laptop, TV remote all within reach. If you look in the mirror you can see the reflection of the TV. I had to make sure that you didn't see ME standing there in my underwear and T-shirt taking this picture, reflected in the mirror, and turning this photo into one of those creepy pictures you see on e-bay where people sell their stuff with their naked reflections in them. Yucko!)

Tuesday we had to take the trailer in to have some minor work done. The place opened at 6:30 A. FREAKIN' M. They recommended that we get the trailer in ASAP. Yeah, right, that would be happening.

We got out of bed at 6:00 am. Well, let's just say Jim got up, I kind of stumbled, mumbled and growled. You see, not only do we have to get up early, we also have to pack down the trailer, take it in, THEN WE HAVE NO HOME at the wee hours of the morning. And I feel like, well, for lack of a better word, shit.

I was NOT a happy camper.

We got the trailer in a 7:40 a.m.

Jim talked to the guy at the shop till 7:45 a.m.

Tick-tock.

Now what.

That's all I wanted to do was lie down and die. My head was throbbing, I couldn't stop coughing and basically I just needed to shove a wad of kleenex up both nostrils to stop the dripping. Either my nose was dripping OR it was so stuffed that I couldn't breath. No happy medium.

I told Jim that I wanted to go to one of those Immediate Care places to get on some medicine. We are supposed to leave on a big trip on Saturday*.

So we went to the Immediate Care place down the road.

I was the only one in the waiting room. How strange.

I still had to wait.

Finally a nurse called my name and brought me into the room. She was friendly enough, didn't even weigh me (YAHOO!), just asked me my weight (had I known that was going to be the case I would have LIED). She asked me if I was on any medication and my head was pretty fuzzy at this point. I usually carry a card listing everything I take and the dosage, but I just changed purses and didn't put everything in the new one. I explained that to the nurse and told her that I DID happen to have my pills with me. (I didn't eat breakfast yet so I just grabbed them.) I ran out of the room, grabbed the pills, came back in and spilled them on the table, pointing out each one and telling her what they were. She was pretty impressed.

She did one of those instant Strep tests on me, which I warned her that I had a SIGNIFICANT gag reflex. I must have put the fear of GOD in her because the look on her face was priceless when she heard me gag! I must say, she moved pretty fast! But I didn't puke, just made the gag sound.

I had to wait some more even though I didn't hear ANY activity happening ANYWHERE. Finally a doctor came in. I pegged him to be in his early 50's. But I don't think he had been a doctor for a long time, because he didn't seem real sure of himself. He made this kind of "ha-ha" laugh after every thing he said.

I know. Reassuring as all get out.

Finally he said he would give me two prescriptions - one for the congestion, and one antibiotic. He wanted me to wait to fill the antibiotic for three days to see if I really needed it. The other prescription? Nose spray. Yeah. You can bet your sweet bippy I filled that antibiotic in a New York minute and popped that horse pill down with breakfast.

That's what we did next. Went to breakfast, spent some time at the library, and then went to a movie. They tried to stop me when they saw me carrying in a plastic bag. They said, "Sorry. We don't allow any food from the outside to be brought in."

I quipped, "It's a box of kleenex and cough drops."

I opened up the bag for the girl to look, and she went to reach inside to dig around. I yelped, "Don't touch it! It's full of snot rags!"

Her arm shot back like the bag was full of snakes. Jeez.

We saw Toy Story 3 in 3D. I didn't really care if we saw it in 3D or not, but it was playing at noon and we needed to waste some time so 3D it was. The movie is great, I give it a thumbs up!

I think I'm on the road to recovery, although I still sound like a combination of Suzanne Pleshette



and Kathleen Turner



only now she looks like this



I suppose Jim would like if I said something sexy to him, but I can't really say a whole sentence without a cough or my voice giving out. Plus, he probably doesn't even want me NEAR him, but it's too late. He's got the germ. He's been sniffling, sneezing, coughing here and there, and letting out the big sighs like, "OH, I AM SICK".

You know what I'm thinking.

No?

I'm thinking, "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, BUSTER!"




*Our plans are to leave for North Carolina on Saturday for a wedding. We will take 6 days to drive to our destination. But now that Jim is getting sick, our plans might all have to be canceled because this cold/cough is a doozy and who feels like DRIVING when you feel like that?