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Friday, December 13, 2013

Friday's Funnies #40



A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'“

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit, what happened next?"






Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the
ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son
shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times
with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them
a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.

When they were both gorged, the
son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just
eat them all at first? Why did we
swim around and around them?"

His Wise Father Replied, "Because They Taste
Better If You Scare The Shit Out Of Them First!"






Little Bobby and a little girl attended the same school and became  friends .  Every day they  would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that  they both brought turkey sandwiches every day!  This went on all through the fourth and fifth  grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a  turkey sandwich. 

Bobby said, “Hey, how come you're not  eating turkey, don't you like it anymore?“

She said , “I love it but I have to stop eating it.“

“Why?”  Bobby asked. 

She pointed to her lap and said, “Cause I'm starting  to grow little feathers down there!”

“Let me see,“ Bobby  said .  

“Okay”, and  she showed him. Little Bobby looked and said, “That's right. You are! Better not  eat any more turkey.”

Little Bobby kept eating his turkey  sandwiches until one day he brought a peanut butter sandwich  instead. Bobby said to the little girl,  “I have to stop  eating turkey sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down  there too!'“

She asked if she could look, so he showed  her !

She  said ,  “Oh,  my God, it's too late for you ! 
You've  already got the NECK and Giblets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “
                                                           




Christmas, here again. Let us raise a
loving cup: Peace on earth, goodwill
to men, and make them do
the washing up.

WENDY COPE

9 comments:

Brian Miller said...

haha...yes, squeeze all the filling out and eat what is left...lol

Lois Evensen said...

Love the story about the priest!

Donna B. said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHH…thanks, I needed that. I can always count on smiling and laughing when I come to visit with you. I know I have been inconsistent visitor…and I don't always leave a comment…and this past year has been very crazy…but I do love visit. Merry Christmas my dear friend…((((((( HUGS TO YOU)))))))))

Liz A. said...

Great...

DesertHen said...

*Snort! That last one made me choke on my wine! =D

Adam said...

I like the shark one

McGuffy Ann said...

These are funny! You are amazing, the stuff you come up with!

SquirrelQueen said...

Hahaha!
Thanks for the laughs Pat.

By the way, you header is making me hungry.

Christine said...

Thank you for making me laugh. Every time. You have a gift for picking funny jokes.