Friday, October 30, 2009
I like all kinds of music, but mostly I listen to country. I enjoy the ballads and the upbeat country that crosses the line into pop and rock. Sometimes, though, I have to admit, I cringe when I hear a song like Brad Paisley's, "I'd like to check you for ticks", or Kenny Chesney's, "She thinks my tractor's sexy". Some song titles are plain out and out hilarious. Here are a few of them from over the years.
1. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
2. How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?
3. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In Bed
4. I Keep Forgetten I Forgot About You
5. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling
6. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
7. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
8. I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, but The Car Don't Run; so I figure we Got An Even Deal
9. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye
10. I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin Better
12. I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
14. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
15. Please Bypass this Heart
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
17. Mama Get a Hammer, There's a Fly On Papa's Head
18. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
19. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
20. It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long
21. Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone
22. I Never Went To Bed With An Ugly Woman But I Sure Woke Up With A Few
23. O, Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Gate-Post of Life
24. I'm home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed
25. Jesus Loves You But I Don’t
26. I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
27. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
28. You Stuck My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Log
29. I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew
30. Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
31. I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
32. I Meant Every Word That He Said
33. I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone Than Another Night with You
34. I Wanna Whip Your Cow
35. I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
36. If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
37. If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
38. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
39. If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
40. It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
41. My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
42. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
43. Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But
Baby I Can See Through You
44. There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal
45. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
46. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
47. You're the Hangnail in My Life, and I Can't Bite You Off.
48. Take me to the Quarry and I'll Get a Little Bolder
49. And there was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse door, with no shirt on
50. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
Those were so much fun, I had a little fun of my own. Yep, these are my own creations.
1. I wish you'd kiss me like you kiss the dog.
2. I wish I could wash you away like the scum out of my tub.
3. Got my tit caught in a wringer, and that felt better than being with you.
4. No more brown streaked underwear; I'm glad your sorry ass is gone.
5. Let the door slam you in the ass when you leave - I know how you like it rough.
6. I want to check you for lice.
7. When I asked you to bite me, you shouldn't have taken out your dentures first.
8. Why can't you be as happy to see me as the dog, when I walk through that door?
This next one had a lot of good endings.....
"Little blue pill in my pocket...."
.......I won't let you down no more
.......but it ain't no use no more with you done gone
.......but it ain't no use here in this bar unless it comes with a bag
.......the night is long and so am I
Do you have a country song in you that's just bursting to get out? Or do you want to finish, "Little blue pill in my pocket...."?
Let me hear 'em.