All you need in the world is love and laughter.
That's all anybody needs. To have love in one
hand and laughter in the other.
AUGUST WILSON
My blog is pretty laid back. I like to share jokes, recipes, books I've read, photos I've taken, day-to-day vignettes, and odd or fascinating items. All with a splash of humor. CURRENT HEADER PHOTO: My sister's famous cherry cookies.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
I tried.....but I couldn't do it
I am on a lot of medication, and recently I have been re-evaluating what I am on, why I am taking the medication, and if I STILL need to do so.
I was able to wean off two medications, and cut the dosage in half of another medication. This made my kidneys very happy, since they have to filter all these substances.
I have suffered from migraine headaches for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I remember having headaches, and hiding behind a door because my dad wanted to wrap a vinegar-soaked rag around my forehead to help with the pain. (That was an old Italian remedy.) Now I understand that the smell probably would open up the sinuses if they were blocked and probably WOULD relieve SOME pain, IF I had a sinus headache.
I finally mentioned to my doctor that I suffered from migraines after she questioned the result of a blood test showing some strain on my kidneys. She couldn't figure out what was happening until she said, "The only thing that could cause this test result is if you take a LOT of ibuprofen. Do you?"
I laughed a little and said, "Are you kidding? I take them like candy!"
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I have headaches all the time. Migraines."
She couldn't believe that in all the years I had been seeing her, that I never once mentioned it to her. I have no idea why not. I think because it was a way of life with me. A new day, a headache. That's what I was used to. The record was 17 days in a row with a headache. I just wanted Jim to cut off my head. I think at that point he was tempted to do so. I'm sure I was not pleasant to live with!
The doctor put me on a prophylactic dosage of Topamax, which I take two times a day. This usually prevents migraines, or headaches of any kind, from happening. If one should happen, then I take another special pill within 20 minutes or so at the onset of the headache. This pill does wonders.
I have been on Topamax for years. How many years? I don't know. More than 8 years. 10? 12? I can't remember.
And therein lies the problem.
Topamax has several side effects. One large one is memory loss. Topamax has been nick-named "Dopamax" because it makes people "dopey".
I know that being forgetful comes with getting older. Everyone I talk to tells me that they, too, have had times that they've forgotten someone's name, or where they put things, etc. I feel that I am worse than the average person my age when it comes to memory loss. Is this due to being on Topamax? Probably.
I decided that I would try to wean myself off of Topamax. How do I know if I still needed it? Last Friday I started with half the dosage. By Friday night I had a migraine. We were away from home, by my daughter's house, and I had packed that special "pill" with me. I took it and my migraine was gone by the next day. Saturday I went back to my full dosage of the medication.
We had a wedding to go to in Iowa which was another 3 hour drive. I had reserved a non-smoking hotel room in advance, but when we got there, I found out that it was on the second floor. The hotel had no elevator (we're talking Super 8 here), and stairs and me don't agree. I asked if there were any rooms available on the first floor and the clerk found one and switched us. But she neglected to inform us that it was a smoking room. IF she would have told us that, believe me, I would have CONQUERED the stairs!
We were only in the room about 45 minutes before we had to leave for the wedding. The smoke smell didn't hit me, it just smelled closed up and, well, smelly. But when we came back from the wedding, it DID smell smokey. I thought I wouldn't be too bothered by it since I wear a CPAP mask connected to a machine. (You might wonder why I didn't demand another room. I assumed that the hotel was booked because when we pulled up, I saw a couple sitting in their car, the dome light on, while the woman was shuffling through papers. It looked like she was looking for other hotels in the area.)
WRONG. All night I felt like my head was in an ashtray. The pillows smelled of smoke, and even though my CPAP machine has a filter, I smelled smoke. I was very, very sick with a full-blown migraine the next morning.
I had no more "special" pills with me (I usually only carry one since it is so rare that I get a migraine!), so I had to suffer all the way home - which was a five hour drive! Nothing worse than being sick when you are in the car, and light and sound bother you!
We finally arrived home, I popped a pill, and went straight to bed. Two hours later I became human and surfaced.
Today I awoke with a slight headache again. Three headaches in four days. That is not good.
This is what I learned.
Don't fix what isn't broken.
Don't f*ck with the headache medicine!
I'd rather be dopey than walk around with a migraine.
So if we should meet on the street, don't take offense if I don't remember you. Just reintroduce yourself, okay?
I was able to wean off two medications, and cut the dosage in half of another medication. This made my kidneys very happy, since they have to filter all these substances.
I have suffered from migraine headaches for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I remember having headaches, and hiding behind a door because my dad wanted to wrap a vinegar-soaked rag around my forehead to help with the pain. (That was an old Italian remedy.) Now I understand that the smell probably would open up the sinuses if they were blocked and probably WOULD relieve SOME pain, IF I had a sinus headache.
I finally mentioned to my doctor that I suffered from migraines after she questioned the result of a blood test showing some strain on my kidneys. She couldn't figure out what was happening until she said, "The only thing that could cause this test result is if you take a LOT of ibuprofen. Do you?"
I laughed a little and said, "Are you kidding? I take them like candy!"
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I have headaches all the time. Migraines."
She couldn't believe that in all the years I had been seeing her, that I never once mentioned it to her. I have no idea why not. I think because it was a way of life with me. A new day, a headache. That's what I was used to. The record was 17 days in a row with a headache. I just wanted Jim to cut off my head. I think at that point he was tempted to do so. I'm sure I was not pleasant to live with!
The doctor put me on a prophylactic dosage of Topamax, which I take two times a day. This usually prevents migraines, or headaches of any kind, from happening. If one should happen, then I take another special pill within 20 minutes or so at the onset of the headache. This pill does wonders.
I have been on Topamax for years. How many years? I don't know. More than 8 years. 10? 12? I can't remember.
And therein lies the problem.
Topamax has several side effects. One large one is memory loss. Topamax has been nick-named "Dopamax" because it makes people "dopey".
I know that being forgetful comes with getting older. Everyone I talk to tells me that they, too, have had times that they've forgotten someone's name, or where they put things, etc. I feel that I am worse than the average person my age when it comes to memory loss. Is this due to being on Topamax? Probably.
I decided that I would try to wean myself off of Topamax. How do I know if I still needed it? Last Friday I started with half the dosage. By Friday night I had a migraine. We were away from home, by my daughter's house, and I had packed that special "pill" with me. I took it and my migraine was gone by the next day. Saturday I went back to my full dosage of the medication.
We had a wedding to go to in Iowa which was another 3 hour drive. I had reserved a non-smoking hotel room in advance, but when we got there, I found out that it was on the second floor. The hotel had no elevator (we're talking Super 8 here), and stairs and me don't agree. I asked if there were any rooms available on the first floor and the clerk found one and switched us. But she neglected to inform us that it was a smoking room. IF she would have told us that, believe me, I would have CONQUERED the stairs!
We were only in the room about 45 minutes before we had to leave for the wedding. The smoke smell didn't hit me, it just smelled closed up and, well, smelly. But when we came back from the wedding, it DID smell smokey. I thought I wouldn't be too bothered by it since I wear a CPAP mask connected to a machine. (You might wonder why I didn't demand another room. I assumed that the hotel was booked because when we pulled up, I saw a couple sitting in their car, the dome light on, while the woman was shuffling through papers. It looked like she was looking for other hotels in the area.)
WRONG. All night I felt like my head was in an ashtray. The pillows smelled of smoke, and even though my CPAP machine has a filter, I smelled smoke. I was very, very sick with a full-blown migraine the next morning.
I had no more "special" pills with me (I usually only carry one since it is so rare that I get a migraine!), so I had to suffer all the way home - which was a five hour drive! Nothing worse than being sick when you are in the car, and light and sound bother you!
We finally arrived home, I popped a pill, and went straight to bed. Two hours later I became human and surfaced.
Today I awoke with a slight headache again. Three headaches in four days. That is not good.
This is what I learned.
Don't fix what isn't broken.
Don't f*ck with the headache medicine!
I'd rather be dopey than walk around with a migraine.
So if we should meet on the street, don't take offense if I don't remember you. Just reintroduce yourself, okay?
Friday, August 9, 2013
Friday's Funnies #21
How the Internet Started (according to the Bible)...
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, Large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators".
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began.
And that's the truth.
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
Sign found in a local bar:
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, Large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators".
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began.
And that's the truth.
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
Sign found in a local bar:
Laughter is not a bad beginning for a
friendship, and it is the best ending for one.
HENRY WARD BEECHER
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Signs - Field of Dreams
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
If You Build It, They Will Come
Last weekend was our annual camping get together with Jim's side of the family. This time we met in Platteville, Wisconsin at a conference center that is set up like dorms. It worked out real well for all of us. There were a total of 30; 21 adults and 9 kids; 7 of which were 4 1/2 and under!
One day Jim, our kids, and I took an hour drive to Dyersville, Iowa, where the movie "The Field of Dreams" was filmed.
Our son-in-law, Dave, brought along a bat, ball, and mitt.
The place, literally, is in a cornfield. Here is the road driving to the place.
There were a lot of cars in the parking lot. This is the gift shop.
Dave and Jim went out to the field. Dave pitched for a little bit, then hit some balls. Jim was catcher.
My son, Jason, hitting a ball or two.
At the beginning, there were just a couple of guys in the field, but all of a sudden, guys came pouring into the field from the parking lot (not from the cornfield! *wink*) It game me such a warm feeling to see everyone out there playing.
I sat on the bleachers watching the guys play and enjoying the ambiance of the place. A woman who was probably in her sixties, with a southern accent said, "I'm taking a picture of my granddaughters coming out of the cornfield. They don't want to do it. They are 15 and 17. But too bad. I want it!" She stared off into the cornfields and I could see a woman (probably her daughter) taking pictures of two young woman standing in the corn. Made me smile! Then the woman continued, pointing to a little blond girl sitting behind me on the bleachers, "You look just like that little girl in the movie. She was sitting there eating a hot dog and she said, 'Don't worry Daddy. They will come.' Oh. It just makes me cry!" And she teared up!
So of COURSE we had to take pictures of us coming out of the corn. I had to really convince my granddaughter, Lily, that it was fun!
My son, Jason, and his fiance, Reena.
And, moi!
Now, why is it that I don't have pictures of my daughter walking out of the corn? Hmmm......she's got some 'splaining to do!
Dave and Jessica brought Lily's bat and ball so she could be a part of history and say that she batted a ball at the Field of Dreams.
The house from the movie was off-limits, but you could take a picture in front of it.
All in all, we had a great time. I definitely have to watch the movie again to refresh my memory! I would recommend this place to visit - it is free. Don't forget to bring a bat, ball, and mitt if you want to play on the field!
One day Jim, our kids, and I took an hour drive to Dyersville, Iowa, where the movie "The Field of Dreams" was filmed.
Our son-in-law, Dave, brought along a bat, ball, and mitt.
The place, literally, is in a cornfield. Here is the road driving to the place.
There were a lot of cars in the parking lot. This is the gift shop.
Dave and Jim went out to the field. Dave pitched for a little bit, then hit some balls. Jim was catcher.
My son, Jason, hitting a ball or two.
At the beginning, there were just a couple of guys in the field, but all of a sudden, guys came pouring into the field from the parking lot (not from the cornfield! *wink*) It game me such a warm feeling to see everyone out there playing.
I sat on the bleachers watching the guys play and enjoying the ambiance of the place. A woman who was probably in her sixties, with a southern accent said, "I'm taking a picture of my granddaughters coming out of the cornfield. They don't want to do it. They are 15 and 17. But too bad. I want it!" She stared off into the cornfields and I could see a woman (probably her daughter) taking pictures of two young woman standing in the corn. Made me smile! Then the woman continued, pointing to a little blond girl sitting behind me on the bleachers, "You look just like that little girl in the movie. She was sitting there eating a hot dog and she said, 'Don't worry Daddy. They will come.' Oh. It just makes me cry!" And she teared up!
So of COURSE we had to take pictures of us coming out of the corn. I had to really convince my granddaughter, Lily, that it was fun!
My son, Jason, and his fiance, Reena.
And, moi!
Now, why is it that I don't have pictures of my daughter walking out of the corn? Hmmm......she's got some 'splaining to do!
Dave and Jessica brought Lily's bat and ball so she could be a part of history and say that she batted a ball at the Field of Dreams.
The house from the movie was off-limits, but you could take a picture in front of it.
All in all, we had a great time. I definitely have to watch the movie again to refresh my memory! I would recommend this place to visit - it is free. Don't forget to bring a bat, ball, and mitt if you want to play on the field!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Friday's Funnies #20
This week's post is brought to you by IRONY
And finally,
 |
| Take that! |
 |
| Famous last words |
 |
| Like THAT will keep people/animals from coming in/out! |
 |
| Sunday's Sermon given by Rev. Miller, President of the Optimists Club |
 |
| That oughta kill any upcoming attendance! |
 |
| In Name Only |
 |
| Perhaps a bigger opening would help? |
 |
| I got nothing.....except that this cracked me up! |
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| For those of you who just hate the taste of fish! |
 |
| Our bureaucracy at work! |
A sense of humor...is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person deep down has a pretty good grasp on life.
HUGH SIDEY
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Signs - Eat more Chicken!
I love this sign of a cow standing on another cow's back writing the words, "Eat mor chikin", sponsored by Chik-fil-A. The sign is both attention-grabbing AND cute!
For more fun signs, visit Lesley here.
For more fun signs, visit Lesley here.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
The Armchair Book Review
Linda Castillo is fast becoming one of my favorite authors. This latest book in her Amish series, Her Last Breath, is the best so far. Kate Burkholder is the Chief of Police of Painter's Mill. Being ex-Amish is both a blessing and a detriment to her. She understands how things are in the Amish community; yet they shun her because she has left it. But Kate is there to do a job, and she is good at it. This story opens up with a devastating hit and run accident involving Paul Borntrager and his children. Paul's wife, Maggie, an old friend of Kate's, is beside herself with grief. Kate works day and night to figure out who is the culprit of the accident, and if it is indeed an "accident". What she discovers is startling.
Tomasetti, the FBI agent that Kate is involved with, is back in this story, too. I just want to shake Kate and say, "Don't you know a good thing when you see it?"
You won't be disappointed with this story!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Did you know....
Over the next few months I will be sharing with you some Fun Facts that I got from Mental Floss. My thoughts are in red below each fun fact.
FUN FACTS about animals and insects!!
After going into heat, an un-spayed female ferret can actually die if she does not mate. She will remain in heat until she mates, and if she does not, the excess estrogen will cause anemia and eventual death.
Thank GOD this doesn't happen to human females. Quick! I need sex now! It's a matter of LIFE or Death!
When fruit flies inhale alcohol, the males will start to mate with each other, forming lines.
Similar to Friday night at a gay bar.
Waste from the Ben & Jerry's factory is given to farmers to feed their hogs. The hogs apparently love Cherry Garcia but dislike Mint Oreo.
There's waste from Ben and Jerry's? Where do I stand in line?
Pigs are no longer commonly employed to rustle up truffles; specially-trained dogs (who are equally adept at the job) have now taken their place.
Hell pigs don't care that they've lost their jobs. They're too busy eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream!
Crickets' ears are located on their front legs, a little below their knees.
"I can't hear you", said the old cricket. "Wait, let me uncross my legs. Ah, that's better!"
The hippopotamus is considered to be the most dangerous animal in Africa. Hippos kill more humans annually than lions, crocodiles, or snakes.
They knew what they were talking about when they named that game "Hungry, Hungry Hippos"! Child's game my ass!
Also called the Mexican Hairless Dog, the Xoloitzcuintli breed was used by Aztecs for companionship, and occasionally for lunch. Prized for their body heat (hence the lack of fur), Xolos are still used in Mexico as nature’s hot water bottles.
"Used for companionship and occasionally for lunch"? You're not my friend anymore, so now I'm going to eat you! At least there wouldn't be any hair in the food! KIDDING!!!!
The only mammals that don't have an umbilical scar, or "belly button," are the platypus and echidna. Unlike the rest of us mammalians, these two species lay eggs.
Too bad. I was wondering if a platypus had an "innie" or an "outie". What the hell is an echidna?
The flashlight fish projects light that’s created by luminescent bacteria that live in the pockets below its eyes.
Imagine that! They can "see" bacteria! I only see the bags under my eyes!
Because of the angle at which its esophagus enters its stomach, the horse is physically unable to vomit.
Good to know. Because only "Mr. Ed" would be able to tell us that he had a stomachache.
Researchers believe that herring communicate with one another in a way humans would find repulsive: passing gas.
If my husband were a herring he'd have a lot to say.
The male giraffe determines a female's fertility by tasting her urine. If it passes the taste test, the courtship continues.
This would be so funny if it were true for humans. "Drink up, loverboy!"
A group of jellyfish is called a "smack."
So if you swam into a group of them in the ocean, would it be called a "smack-down"?
Fish cough.
And isn't it rude that their little fins aren't long enough to cover their mouth!
The aorta of a blue whale is large enough for a human to crawl through.
See Moby Dick.
The first cow to ride in an airplane was Elm Farm Ollie in 1930. Milk she gave in-flight was sealed in containers and parachuted down over St. Louis.
The first Milk Shake! And WHY was this cow in an airplane? She missed the bus.
The third right arm of a male octopus is more than an arm— it’s his reproductive organ.
Are you happy to see me, or is that just your arm?
The state fish of Hawaii is the humuhumunukunukuapua'a. The Hawaiian name roughly translates to "the fish with a pig-like nose." It's English name is the Reef Triggerfish.
Couldn't they just go with "Pig Nose Fish"?
Chickens with white ear lobes lay white eggs, whereas chickens with red ear lobes lay brown eggs.
Wait. Chickens have ears?
A giraffe has the same number of neck vertebrae as a human (7).
Seriously? If I had a neck as long as a giraffe, I'd be the right weight for my height! Finally!
Pandas are notoriously reluctant to mate in captivity. This has led breeders to create "panda porn"—videos of pandas copulating.
I will never be able to look at a cute, cuddly Panda bear without hearing the swanky 70's porn music playing in my head. "Aaand...ACTION!"
In 1916, an elephant named Mary was executed by hanging in Erwin, Tennessee, for killing its circus trainer. The prosecutors agreed upon hanging after they exhausted the possibilities of firing squad, electrocution, and dismemberment by train engines.
An elephant hanging? Seriously? That had to be mighty strong rope! They couldn't find a gun big enough to kill an elephant?
Elephants are the only mammal physically unable to jump. This is because of their enormous weight.
So THIS is why they don't play "Hopscotch"!
A group of rhinos is called a "crash."
Makes sense. This is the sound they make as they come "crashing" through the jungle.
The longest jellyfish on record measured 160 feet, more than half the length of a football field.
Who cares about Jaws! Imagine running into this sucker in the water?
All dogs are the same species, meaning that (notwithstanding the obvious physical challenge) a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard could procreate.
It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be pretty, but it COULD be done! I witnessed a Chihuahua mating with a German Shepherd. I should have taken a photo of the event, but I was too busy watching with my head tilted to the side saying, "WTF?"
FUN FACTS about animals and insects!!
After going into heat, an un-spayed female ferret can actually die if she does not mate. She will remain in heat until she mates, and if she does not, the excess estrogen will cause anemia and eventual death.
Thank GOD this doesn't happen to human females. Quick! I need sex now! It's a matter of LIFE or Death!
When fruit flies inhale alcohol, the males will start to mate with each other, forming lines.
Similar to Friday night at a gay bar.
Waste from the Ben & Jerry's factory is given to farmers to feed their hogs. The hogs apparently love Cherry Garcia but dislike Mint Oreo.
There's waste from Ben and Jerry's? Where do I stand in line?
Pigs are no longer commonly employed to rustle up truffles; specially-trained dogs (who are equally adept at the job) have now taken their place.
Hell pigs don't care that they've lost their jobs. They're too busy eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream!
Crickets' ears are located on their front legs, a little below their knees.
"I can't hear you", said the old cricket. "Wait, let me uncross my legs. Ah, that's better!"
The hippopotamus is considered to be the most dangerous animal in Africa. Hippos kill more humans annually than lions, crocodiles, or snakes.
They knew what they were talking about when they named that game "Hungry, Hungry Hippos"! Child's game my ass!
Also called the Mexican Hairless Dog, the Xoloitzcuintli breed was used by Aztecs for companionship, and occasionally for lunch. Prized for their body heat (hence the lack of fur), Xolos are still used in Mexico as nature’s hot water bottles.
"Used for companionship and occasionally for lunch"? You're not my friend anymore, so now I'm going to eat you! At least there wouldn't be any hair in the food! KIDDING!!!!
The only mammals that don't have an umbilical scar, or "belly button," are the platypus and echidna. Unlike the rest of us mammalians, these two species lay eggs.
Too bad. I was wondering if a platypus had an "innie" or an "outie". What the hell is an echidna?
 |
| long beaked echidna sometimes known as "spiny anteaters" |
The flashlight fish projects light that’s created by luminescent bacteria that live in the pockets below its eyes.
Imagine that! They can "see" bacteria! I only see the bags under my eyes!
Because of the angle at which its esophagus enters its stomach, the horse is physically unable to vomit.
Good to know. Because only "Mr. Ed" would be able to tell us that he had a stomachache.
Researchers believe that herring communicate with one another in a way humans would find repulsive: passing gas.
If my husband were a herring he'd have a lot to say.
The male giraffe determines a female's fertility by tasting her urine. If it passes the taste test, the courtship continues.
This would be so funny if it were true for humans. "Drink up, loverboy!"
A group of jellyfish is called a "smack."
So if you swam into a group of them in the ocean, would it be called a "smack-down"?
Fish cough.
And isn't it rude that their little fins aren't long enough to cover their mouth!
The aorta of a blue whale is large enough for a human to crawl through.
See Moby Dick.
The first cow to ride in an airplane was Elm Farm Ollie in 1930. Milk she gave in-flight was sealed in containers and parachuted down over St. Louis.
The first Milk Shake! And WHY was this cow in an airplane? She missed the bus.
The third right arm of a male octopus is more than an arm— it’s his reproductive organ.
Are you happy to see me, or is that just your arm?
The state fish of Hawaii is the humuhumunukunukuapua'a. The Hawaiian name roughly translates to "the fish with a pig-like nose." It's English name is the Reef Triggerfish.
Couldn't they just go with "Pig Nose Fish"?
Chickens with white ear lobes lay white eggs, whereas chickens with red ear lobes lay brown eggs.
Wait. Chickens have ears?
A giraffe has the same number of neck vertebrae as a human (7).
Seriously? If I had a neck as long as a giraffe, I'd be the right weight for my height! Finally!
Pandas are notoriously reluctant to mate in captivity. This has led breeders to create "panda porn"—videos of pandas copulating.
I will never be able to look at a cute, cuddly Panda bear without hearing the swanky 70's porn music playing in my head. "Aaand...ACTION!"
In 1916, an elephant named Mary was executed by hanging in Erwin, Tennessee, for killing its circus trainer. The prosecutors agreed upon hanging after they exhausted the possibilities of firing squad, electrocution, and dismemberment by train engines.
An elephant hanging? Seriously? That had to be mighty strong rope! They couldn't find a gun big enough to kill an elephant?
Elephants are the only mammal physically unable to jump. This is because of their enormous weight.
So THIS is why they don't play "Hopscotch"!
A group of rhinos is called a "crash."
Makes sense. This is the sound they make as they come "crashing" through the jungle.
The longest jellyfish on record measured 160 feet, more than half the length of a football field.
Who cares about Jaws! Imagine running into this sucker in the water?
All dogs are the same species, meaning that (notwithstanding the obvious physical challenge) a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard could procreate.
It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be pretty, but it COULD be done! I witnessed a Chihuahua mating with a German Shepherd. I should have taken a photo of the event, but I was too busy watching with my head tilted to the side saying, "WTF?"
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