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Friday, November 6, 2009

Santa Fe Farmer's Market

Santa Fe has a Farmer's Market that is open on Tuesday mornings, Thursday afternoons, and Saturday mornings. While we were in Santa Fe a few weeks ago, we decided to see what the market was all about, so we dropped in on a Thursday afternoon. Where were all the people? The cars? The vendors? We walked into a large building and found a vendor. One. That's right. We were so disappointed. A woman approached us and apologized for the lack of vendors there. She said, "We just started trying to have the market open on Thursday afternoons. This is only our second one. Please come back on Saturday. We'll have over 100 vendors. It is just great."

So Jim and I left, very disappointed. On Saturday morning I told Jim that we should just run up there and see what the Farmer's Market was like. I am SO GLAD that we did! It was just a wonderful experience. Not only was that large building filled, but the vendors spilled out onto the sidewalks, lined up and down in long rows, with white canvas tents protecting them from the hot sun. It was a gorgeous day to be out and about. We just started at one end and began walking.

There were arts and crafts, along with food and vegetables. Some artists were very sensitive about their work, and wouldn't allow me to take pictures. One woman, in particular, actually put her hand up in front of my camera and said, "NO PICTURES, PLEASE!" She obviously thought I looked crafty, as in the artsy way, I guess. Maybe in the other way, too. Who knows. Let me tell you hear and now, that I do NOT have one bone in my body that is crafty. Seriously. Anyway, she made beautiful windchimes with pieces of stained glass, beads, and pieces of mirrors. They were gorgeous, they sounded like tinkling water, and they caught the light beautifully. They were on the expensive side - $60 for a small one (about 18 inches) and $90 for a large (about 3 feet).

Here's some of the vendors set up and the crowds enjoying the day and their shopping.



We came across these two young men, just singing their hearts out, playing their guitars. Some people stood around to listen to them sing.



One woman had these lovely ceramic bowels that she made herself. I thought they were such a pretty color blue.



We crossed the street and entered into the market area. The previous area must have been for artists (I'm assuming.) The first thing I saw were these humongous carrots. I'm talking ginormous. I probably should have put my hand next to them just to give you an idea of how big these are. They are about the width of three fingers at least, and the length of a hand.



We wandered down a little father and heard some more singing. This pair was entertaining the crowds. Their tip bucket was filling up fast. She harmonized so well with him.



We stood and listened to them for a little bit, then continued our walk. It was very crowded, so we kind of went with the flow. I was mesmerized by these beautiful apples. Don't they make you want to take a bite out of them? Mmmm....



I saw this sage for sale.



People burn sage to "cleanse" themselves, to purify their house, and to rid their house of negative energy. If you want to read more about that, click here.

That's a lotta peppers!




We came upon this bread stand. They had many different kinds of bread for sale.





We bought some Mediterranean flat bread (I can't remember the name of it). Jim had apple/cinnamon and I had cherry/pear. They were both delicious. This is some of the flat bread.




There were even MORE entertainers. These guys seemed foreign to me; I don't know if it was because of their clothes or the songs they were singing.



I just loved the whole atmosphere of the market. People were walking around, tasting things, picking up the melon, fruit, whatever, smelling it, talking about it, etc. I got into a conversation with a woman about parsnips. She told me how she cooked with them, threw them in her salads, etc. This guy had a whole big corner booth. He was the farmer, himself. His wife was the cashier. Then he was out there cooking with his home grown vegetables, and giving out samples to the crowd. He had made some Asian slaw that he was just spooning out into people's hands as they walked by. Then he made some fried potatoes with onions and peppers and scooped those out to people. Here he is cooking for the crowd.



Not far away, this woman had pulled up a chair and started playing her cello.



You could tell the more experienced people who were walking around at the market. They had their canvas bags with them. Jim and I had to carry the plastic bags (horror!) that the vegetables came in because we didn't have our own bag. We kind of stuck out like a sore thumb. Oh well, live and learn.

When we were leaving, I saw this bicycle that someone had decorated. I thought that it was a nice finishing touch to our day at the market.




I hope you enjoyed my tour of the Santa Fe Farmer's Market. It's not where we LIVE, per say, but where we were at the time!

If you want to see more Farmer's Market contributions, click here.

Between the Sheets

Today Jim and I had some errands to run and while we were out and about, I suggested that we eat at one of our favorite restaurants in Mesa called "Tasty Joe's - Asian Diner". I know - the name kind of throws you.

The food there is delicious. Jim likes his food spicy. I prefer mine on the mild side. He ordered Lemon Black Pepper Beef; I had chicken lettuce wraps. Of course, we ended the meal with fortune cookies.



I think two things must occur to properly read your fortune:




1) You MUST take the cookie that is facing towards YOU; and

2) You MUST read your fortune OUT LOUD, and add the words, "between the sheets" to the end of your fortune. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN! AND it's FUNNY!

Let me give you an example. Here are our fortunes from today:

1)Your love life will soon be happy and harmonious. Okay. Not bad. Now. Read it again with the added three words.

Your love life will soon be happy and harmonious BETWEEN THE SHEETS. Funny? Yeah, I think so.

2) The heart that loves is always young. Okay. That's nice, right? Now again with the three added words.

The heart that loves is always young BETWEEN THE SHEETS. Better, yes?

So why am I telling you this?

1) So you, too, can have fun when you go out for Chinese food; and

2) So I can complain about my husband (again, I know!) Jim REFUSES to add the words, "between the sheets" to his fortune. Hell, he'll rarely even read his fortune out loud! It just infuriates me that he won't play along with my little game. So I told him, if I looked up the word, "curmudgeon" in the dictionary I would find his picture!



Okay, so maybe that's not a good example of a curmudgeon, but take my word for it - he is - at least when it comes to reading fortunes!

I mean, c'mon, even Wikipedia talks about ways to eat a fortune cookie.
There is a common joke involving fortune cookies that involves appending "between the sheets" or "in bed" to the end of the fortune, usually creating a sexual innuendo or other bizarre messages (e.g., "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall [in bed]").
Although many people do not take the message in a fortune cookie as a serious oracular device, many of them consider it part of the game that the entire cookie must be consumed in order for the fortune to come true. Variations on this idea include not eating the cookie if a fortune seems unlucky, or eating the entire cookie as well as the fortune, or the idea that the entire cookie must be eaten before the fortune is read. Conversely, the fortune must be read before any of the cookie is eaten. While some people believe the fortune will not come true if it is read aloud, or read at all, other people follow rules involving how the cookie is selected -- including selecting a cookie with closed eyes, passing a cookie to another person at the table, or choosing the cookie that seems to be pointing directly at you.



Do you ever wonder about the person who sits at the typewriter or computer and thinks up these fortunes? Just what goes through his/her mind? Do the fortunes slant towards happy things if he is having a good day versus bad things if he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed? I wonder if he was suffering from a hangover when he wrote some of these. Yes, these are actual fortunes.

"Your smile will tell you what makes you feel good."(between the sheets)

"The night life is for you."

"Don't panic."(between the sheets)

"You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly."(between the sheets)

"It could be better, but it's good enough."(between the sheets)

"You will find a thing. It may be important."(between the sheets)

"The calling that has sounded will not be the lasting call."

"You will prosper in the field of wacky inventions."(between the sheets) (I wonder if it comes with a battery?)

"Remember to share good fortune was well as bad with your friends."

"You may be hungry soon; order a takeout now."

"I cannot talk right now. Even fortune cookies need to sleep sometime!"

"Never kiss an elephant on the lips."

You can see that I added my three little words to some of them for some extra fun!


I often wonder what kind of quality control is in the places where they make the fortune cookies. I get so upset when I crack one open and there is no fortune inside! I feel so cheated!







Fortune Cookie Generator


So next time you eat a fortune cookie, raise it up, and think of me, between the sheets. Wait, that came out wrong. Well, you know what I mean!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Watery Wednesday








This is a fountain that is in the center of a man-made lake in Fountain Park, in the town of Fountain Hills, Arizona. It is considered to be one of the world's highest fountains, shooting water 560 feet into the air, and is visible for many miles. If you are at the park on a warm, windy day, you can feel the mist from the fountain spray on your face. It has a nice cooling effect!

Fountain Hills is surrounded by beautiful views of Superstition Mountains, Four Peaks, and the McDowell Mountains.


Click here to see more Watery Wednesday images.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Only 52 shopping days left till Christmas!



That's right, people! I know we just finished stuffing our faces full of candy, and carving our pumpkins, but Jack Frost will be nipping at our nose REAL soon and that can only mean one thing - Christmas is JUST AROUND THE CORNER. I mean, c'mon, the stores have had their decorations up for weeks already! But no need to worry, Snooky Bed-Head is back with more gift suggestions. You can call me Snooky for short. (You, too, can get your OWN elf name at Quizopolis.com.) So hold on tight, and here we go. Some are weird, some naughty, some stupid, but ALL are fun!


How about a talking teddy bear that is CLR - Crude, Lewd and Rude! Ballsy Bear - Be warned: Ballsy Bear™ is NOT FOR CHILDREN.
Ballsy Bear™ is a collector's quality teddy bear designed by award-winning artist, Sam Blum. Just press his belly, and he will say one of his twenty messages such as,




"I got your warm and fuzzy right here."
"F**K You!!"
"God you're a moron."
"Hey, slick give me a beer!!"
and many more. All for only $29.95.








How about for the dog lover in your life? Bring home "Cahones, the Singing Chihuahua".



Look closely and you'll see that he is named appropriately. And if you squeeze his, um, EAR, he will turn his head and sing you a song about his, well, cahones.

Have you heard this number one hit? "I've got the biggest balls of all, do da, do da."

Cahones is very lifelike and stands a full 12 inches tall. And we all know that SIZE matters. He can be yours for only $29.95 $19.95 on sale!






We've all seen those commercials of the "easy button" when you need office supplies at work. Well, here's something you might need. Do you have a co-worker that always has a story to tell? He/She is so full of crap, that you just want to put your hand up and say, "Hold it a moment while I go put my boots on." Well, here's an easier way to show them that you're on to their tricks. You're tired of hearing all their crap. Ready?



It's the Bullshit Button! Ta-Da! The R-Rated Bullshit Button says 6+ short phrases including:

* Bullshit detected! Take precautions.
* *Wailing Horn Sound* That was bullshit!
* Bullshit level Defcon 5!
* and more...





You could either buy this and give this TO the bullshitter, or, give it as a gift to YOURSELF, so when that bullshitter comes around, zap the button. That should get rid of him/her. Then you just have to smile and say, "Have a nice day."




Do you have a sports fan on your Christmas List? Do they go to sporting events AND like to drink? Here is a pair of binoculars that doubles as a flask. You heard me. Each side of the Binocular Flask is an 8 oz. flask for a total of 16 ounces, and comes with a plastic funnel to avoid spilling, and plastic wrist strap. Get it for only 14.95






Do you know someone who doesn't know their butt from, um, their face? Or if it's someone that you just want to call "BUTTFACE", this will work for that, too. How about this nice bath towel telling them like it is:




The towel is 100% cotton, about 2 foot by 4 foot in size. Just $14.95!

And if they're REALLY special, throw in the soap. It's only $3.95!



You COULD add a little note with these two words, "WASH POSSIBLE" on the front, and on the back write,
Two old men were sitting on a park bench. The one man leaned over and said to the other, "Do you shower every day?"

The other man replied, "Well, it's like this. Each morning I get up and start washing from my feet up to as far as possible. Then I start washing from my head down to as far as possible."

The first man said, "Next time? Wash possible!"




Think back to when you were in pre-school, or kindergarten. Didn't you just love the smell of Play-Doh? Doesn't smelling it bring out the kid in you? Do you know someone on your list who HASN'T grown up, or doesn't WANT to grow up? What better way to show them you understand how they feel than to give them this perfect gift.



This Play-Doh Cologne was created to celebrate the 50th Birthday of Play-Doh! Hasbro said the fragrance is "meant for highly-creative people, who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood." Just $19.99! What a bargain!



Never know what to get Grandma? Does she love to cook or bake? Then she'll just LOVE this whimsical egg separator!




Just crack the egg into the cup, tilt it forward, and watch the snot egg white drip through the nose. How cool is that? I'm putting this on MY wish list! The Peter Petrie Egg Separator is skillfully made by potters and is perfect for egg white omelets, cakes and other recipes. A great buy at only $12.99!




For the man who has everything - I bet he doesn't have a "weener kleener". And I'm NOT talking YOU, ladies!



Why not let him have fun while he's in the shower? He'll be whistling while he works, I'll bet! AND - he's washing possible! It's a steal at only $6.95! (Sorry, no demo video to watch here.)



Men - do you have a woman in your life that is a little, shall we say, flat, on top, and also a LUSH? Have I got the perfect gift for her! It is a "bladder" bra called, "The Wine Rack" that can hold up to 25 ounces of her favorite beverage. AND, she'll be walking around looking more like her "CUPS RUNNETH OVER", but not necessarily with boobs!

BEFORE



AFTER



# Very comfortable sports bra available in versatile black. (Not recommended for sizes 36DD, or anything larger than a 38D. Obviously they think you have enough of your OWN wine rack to haul around.)

# Drinking tube long enough to route as you wish.

# Easy to use on/off valve to control the flow.

NOW ON SALE FOR ONLY $29.99!!




And finally, Snooky's all time favorite gift is this unusual USB port. It is called the "humping hound" USB port. Watch the short clip and laugh your butt off.





Humping hound is also available here.

If you have someone like Otin on your list, he would probably prefer this USB port over the humping dog:




This pole dancer is a little steeper in price, but hey, so it going into a strip joint, right? The usual price is $39.95, but it's on SALE RIGHT NOW for $32.95!!!

Now, if you can't find a gift from the list above, you can always go back to my previous Christmas Shopping post for more ideas. After that, you're on you own! I've given you a plethora of great ideas. On your mark, get set, GO SHOPPING!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Hon, where is the....?

My husband can't seem to find anything, even if it's right in front of his face. The other day he was looking for the fingernail clippers. I heard him digging around in the medicine cabinet for a few minutes. "Hon, where are the fingernail clippers? I can't find them."

"They're on that little tray, bottom shelf, left side," I tell him, almost by rote.

"No, they're not. YOU must have moved them," he said, stubbornly.

But of course. It MUST be my fault that he can't find them.

"NO," I said, a little more emphatically, "they are THERE. Look AGAIN."

He did a little more digging, and then I heard, "OH! HERE they are!"

I sat at the kitchen table, smiling smugly. You see, I'm so used to this. Living in a trailer, you have a place for everything, and put everything in it's place. We have been living like this for 4 1/2 years now. You'd think it would start to sink in. But, it really isn't that. It's that my husband can't find anything that's RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

How often does he open the refrigerator and say, "We are out of mayonnaise."

"No, we're not," I reply.

"I don't see it."

With a big eye roll, I'll get up, go to the refrigerator, reach in, and hand him the mayo. Granted, sometimes I might have to MOVE SOME BOTTLES AROUND, but, hello? Is that so hard?

A woman I know believes that men can't find things because they don't have a uterus. She believes the uterus is some sort of "tracking" device and can find anything. I really think she's on to something here. Even if you get a hysterectomy, there must be some traces left inside, because a woman can still find things.

Maybe it's because men don't take in details as well as women. Okay, maybe I shouldn't generalize here. Most men I know don't take in details. Like when I say to Jim, "Look at this mess in here!" He looks back at me with glazed over eyes and says, "Huh?"

He could STEP OVER a pile of stuff and not think anything of it.

My mom told me once that if you wanted to see how good of a bride your future daughter-in-law would make, lay a broom across the doorway.



If she stepped over it and walked into the house; she's hopeless as a housekeeper. If she picked it up before entering, TA-DA!! She's a KEEPER! In my case, Jim wouldn't even NOTICE the broom unless he TRIPPED on it! My mother-in-law never gave me the test, but I'm sure I would have picked it up. My mom told me that even when I was a toddler, I used to notice if she washed a throw rug and put it down differently. I would go over to the rug, pick it up, and rearrange it to the way it was before. I know - I have some "issues"! Do you all feel sorry for Jim? DON'T!

Jim has come to rely on his stupid GPS so much, that he even puts in the addresses of places THAT WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or what. And we ALL know that the GPS HAD to be invented by a man - we know how men hated to stop and ask for directions. Or at least Jim did!

He traveled a lot with his first job with the government. He was on the road constantly. I'm sure he only ate at restaurants with signs like these .....



....because that's all he could find. This was before the GPS was invented!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I'm a Trendsetter





Twenty-seven years ago, my divorce when through with my first husband. We had been married 7 years. He came down with the "Seven Year Itch" and scratched it. Then I told him to "Go Scratch". His loss. We had two small children at the time. A newborn baby girl, and a 2 year old son. But that's not what this post is about. This is about my Coming Out Party. Whoopee! Yes, folks, after getting married so young, (19), I felt I deserved a divorce party.

I only served "Orgasms" for drinks in a punch bowl. That's a mixture of Baily's Irish Cream and Amaretto.

Anyway, back to the whole trendsetter thing. I ordered a penis-shaped cake at the local bakery. It was the size of half a sheet cake. I had them write on it, "A Hard Man Is Good To Find". It was pretty cool looking, if I have to say so myself. Obviously, the lady behind me in line didn't agree with me. She said, "Oh, HOW disgusting!" when the bakery lady held the cake up for my approval. I just laughed, said it was fine, and she boxed it up for me. Now I see that divorce cakes are really in. Who knew that I was leading the pack 27 years ago? Take a look at these divorce cakes:











I wanted to use my wedding pictures as coasters, but my friends talked me out of it. Said that I should save them for my kids, or something like that. Whatever. Oh, and if you were worried about my kids, they were NOT in the house for the party. I think my sister had them overnight.

A good time was had by all and I started dating my current husband about a month later. Or my "Knight in Shining Armour", as I called him. My mom, got bless her and rest her soul, used to say, "Who is going to marry you with two small children?" It made me laugh. She used to pray to St. Jude for me. If any of you are Catholic, you know that St. Jude is the patron saint of hopeless cases.




Yep. That's my mom. I know she had the best of intentions. And, how do I know? Maybe St. Jude sent Jim my way. I actually knew Jim when I was married to the first guy. Jim and I both worked for the government - I was in the office and Jim worked out in the field. I met him once, right after he had gone through a divorce, but I was still married. (Happily, I thought, at the time!) I had my son and left my job; two years later had my daughter, got divorced and went back to work for the government. By this time, Jim had transferred to the regional office where I was working. We met up again, and the rest, as they say, is history.