If you REALLY loved me, you'd tattoo my name on your, er, BODY part

Whenever you see someone with a tattoo of a person's name, do you wonder if they are still in that relationship? Some people believe that if you tattoo the one you love on your body, that you will jinx your relationship. Couples have been known to break up afterward. AWKWARD. Think of all the celebrities who get a tattoo of their current "love interest". Not a good idea.

Take for instance Angelina Jolie.

Angelina first got an "H" tattooed on the inside of her left wrist as a nod to her then-boyfriend Timothy Hutton.



That relationship didn't last. Now she says the "H" is in honor of her brother, James Haven. Wink, wink.

Then she turned around and married Jonny Lee Miller



They got identical Japanese character tattoos. Then got divorced in 1999. She later changed the tattoo to a Tennessee Williams quote.

We move on to her marriage with Billy Bob Thornton.



I have Billy Bob tattooed down there so any time I do a love scene, the name is really, really clear." -Angelina Jolie

Also notice his name in large letters on her upper arm.

They divorced after three years. I'm not sure what she did with the tattoo down "below", but I'm sure Brad's not looking at it every time she undresses, you know what I'm saying?



The one on her arm was removed and she has all the birth places and dates of her children tattooed in that area. Luckily she has a LOT of children so they cover up where the infamous "BILLY BOB" was scripted.

Angelina Jolie isn't the only one to take the plunge when it comes to tattoos. There's Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. They only dated 4 days when they decided to tie the knot.



And instead of exchanging wedding rings? Yep, you guessed it. They exchanged tattoos. Pamela tattooed "Tommy" on her ring finger. And Tommy? Well, he went all out. Literally and figuratively. He tattooed "Pamela" on his, er, um, penis. Talk about pain and pleasure. Of course, they divorced, and she changed "Tommy" to "Mommy". I have NO idea what he did with his tattoo. But if I were dating a man who had another woman's NAME on his PENIS, that said PENIS would not be entering THIS woman's body parts, I'll tell you that much!

I could go on an on about celebrity tattoos gone wrong, but I won't. I'll just tell you one more.

Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder were a couple back in the 1990's.




"I love Winona. I'm going to love her forever. Putting her on my arm solidified it. Tattoos are extremely permanent." -Johnny Depp

The engagement was called off before marching down the aisle. Johnny removes the "NA" from "Winona" so now the tattoo says, "Wino forever". Nice.



You might wonder why I'm sharing all these tattoo broken-hearted stories with you. Well, it seems we have one right here in our little resort area, too. I was at the pool the other day and saw this tattoo on a man's back. I initially thought it was a snake working it's way down his back. My niece thought it was tiny footprints. She was right.





I went up to the man and said, "I'd like to ask you about your tattoo."

He replied, "Sure. And if you have 30 seconds, I'll tell you a little story about it, too!"

"Okay," I said, smiling, because I'm always game for a good story.

He said, "Well it started out as a heart with the initials "J", for my wife, and "G", for me, in a heart. This is my FIRST marriage, and I thought it would last forever. Well, that didn't work out, got divorced. My second wife's name began with a "V", so I went to the tattoo artist and asked if he'd change the "J" to a "V". No problem.

Well, the SECOND marriage didn't work," he continued, "and my THIRD wife's name was Nancy. So again I went to the tattoo artist and asked him to change the "V" to an "N". Again that was easy. Well, that marriage didn't work out either, so I though my next wife's name had to begin with the letter "W". She would have to be named "Wanda" or "Wendy", then I thought the hell with that, so I had the whole heart blackened in and broken. The footsteps are drunken Hawaiian footsteps because I spent a lot of time in Hawaii. Then I heard George Schultz (former Secretary of State), had a tattoo on his butt, so I wanted one, too. So I got a crab with the words, "Bite Me" tattooed below it. So I went from "I love you" to "Bite Me"!

Ooookay!

You ever wonder what a tattoo looks like on an old person? Wonder no more.



This woman is the most tattooed senior woman.




There are more and more of the younger generation getting tattoos. It should be interesting to see how these tattoos look when THEY are in their 70's and 80's.

I heard this joke the other day. "Young women who get a rose tattooed to their breast suddenly have a long stemmed rose when they are old."

I think I'd just play it safe and wear one of these temporary tattoos for senior citizens.



THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR

* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."

* "There are 2 "O's" in Bob, right?"

* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."

* "Oops!"

* "I never WAS good in spelling."